


Can I be pretty enough for you?

by aythia



Series: Pretty Enough [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-27
Updated: 2012-06-27
Packaged: 2017-11-08 16:45:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 62,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/445323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aythia/pseuds/aythia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen has been hurt, and he is not about to put his trust in anyone, ever again. Things might change around the school however, when a new student arrives. But will Jensen allow the change or will the nightmares from his past ruin his last year in high school?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Masterpost can be found at http://aythia.livejournal.com/38913.html

Prologue

 

**~September~**

  
The movie theatre was dark, images flickering on the screen ahead and the sound loud enough to make the seats vibrate. Jensen tried to focus on the film; it was a good one, after all, and he had been wanting to see it for quite some time, but the man at his side was distracting. Their bodies were too close together in the narrow seats.   
  
Jensen couldn't really believe he was here, this close to  Tom  of all people. Tom Welling, who had never before spoken to Jensen, had asked him to the movies the day before and without thinking, Jensen had said yes. Who wouldn't? Tom was tall, beautiful, and the Golden Boy of the school. Tom had caught Jensen looking at him; Jensen didn't really think he could be blamed for that, everyone looked at Tom. Jensen was only human, after all. But then Tom had approached  him , Tom had asked  him  out, Tom had even called him pretty  and, no, that might not be the word he liked the most, but it had still warmed him.    
  
Pretty or not (he really thought not), Jensen had never been one of the in-crowd. Too prone to be found with his nose down a book, too-good grades and too shy to have many friends. Having the attention of Tom, of all people, it took his breath away. Even here, in the dark, he could feel a blush creeping up when he thought of how people had stared when Tom had walked up to him in the cafeteria.   
  


~*~

  
After the movie, Tom took Jensen back to the apartment he shared with his friend. When Jensen stopped just inside the door and looked around nervously, Tom laughed at him.    
  
"Come on in, scaredy-cat, Mike isn't home this weekend."   
  
Jensen could feel himself blush; he hated that the heat would rise up his cheeks so easily. He wasn't  scared  of Mike, or Tom, but he was nervous. He was alone in an apartment with Tom fucking Welling, after all, and he had his guesses about what the other man had planned.   
  
He left his jacket on the chair by the door and followed Tom into the living room. That two guys lived here was obvious, beer bottles lining the rickety coffee table and a forgotten pizza box on the floor. The neat side of Jensen wanted to wince at that but then he looked up to see Tom waiting for him by the sofa and he forced himself to smile, knowing he probably looked just like the virgin he was when once again his cheeks burned warm.    
  
Tom flopped down on the middle sofa cushion as Jensen took a few steps forward, but before Jensen could sit down next to him, Tom grabbed him by the hip and pulled him down on his lap. The older boy laughed as a surprised squeak left Jensen's lips before he could stop himself. Tom's lips were on his, tongue pushing forcefully into his mouth, and without thinking, Jensen let him in. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered if he shouldn't stop this, but it was  Tom , it was  kissing , and it made him feel appreciated.    
  
"You know..." Tom said, pulling back a little to watch Jensen. "You aren't really my type."   
  
Something inside Jensen curled in an unpleasant way and he froze up.   
  
"I don't really like you," Tom continued lazily. "But you are pretty, and I kinda wanna fuck you...for fun, you know."   
  
He put one arm around Jensen's waist, trying to pull him closer.   
  
" No !" Jensen spat out.   
  
Tom just looked at him, heavy-lidded gaze slightly amused, like he didn't care what Jensen said. But damnit, Jensen might be shy and he might crave the attention, but he was clinging to what little self-respect he had and he almost clawed his way off Tom's lap.    
  
"Oh, come on, Pretty Jenny," Tom laughed. "You know you want me, this must be like your best wet dream ever."   
  
Jensen could feel the words slash into him like a knife, and his eyes were burning with unshed tears. He spun around before Tom would be able to see, stumbling his way out the hall to grab his jacket.    
  
"Fuck, Jenny," Tom's voice reached him as he opened the door. "Thought a virgin like you would be a sure deal!"   
  


~*~

  
The next day in school, the bullying started. Jensen knew Tom was behind it; it was his revenge for Jensen leaving. For Jensen turning him down. Jensen hadn't known doing the right thing could hurt this much. He thought he would scream if they called him 'Pretty Jenny' again. Everyone in school thought Tom had fucked him, that Jensen had begged for it. They believed Tom when he laughed and called Jensen the worst fuck ever. Laughed when Tom said that at least 'Pretty Jenny' had a mouth made for sucking cock.    
  
Jensen had preferred when no one really noticed him. Now they all noticed. They all laughed.    
  
  
  
  
  


**~January~**

  
Jensen couldn't stay away from the bookstore. Well, he probably could, but he really didn't want to. This was his place to relax, to be himself and not have fellow students bully him, trying to trip him as he walked between classes. No one here moved their seats away rather than sitting next to him, like they always did in class.   
  
At this safe haven, no one would tease him for slowly stroking his finger along the back of an old book, relishing the feel of worn leather under his skin. The owner had smiled with understanding when Jensen had once mumbled that books smelled wonderful. No mocking, just a soft nod.    
  
And now he had even more reason to visit the little store: The young man behind the counter was gorgeous. Even more beautiful than Tom, his hair blonde where Tom's had been dark, demeanor calm and relaxed where Tom had always seemed about ready to explode. And the way he smiled, humming to himself while putting books on the shelves, Jensen was sure that this man would understand his love of books.    
  
Sometimes Jensen thought it should be obvious he was crushing on the older man, the way he came in here daily just to browse the section of secondhand books. But then, he had done that before Justin started, so maybe it wasn't so strange. And if he looked more at Justin than at the books? No one would know.   
  
Except that Justin knew.   
  
Justin came up to him, standing beside where Jensen was kneeling to check out the lowest shelf. For once, Jensen had not been looking at Justin, and he didn't know how long Justin had been standing there before Jensen noticed. When he did notice, he felt that hated burn in his cheeks and he knew the flush was spreading over his face as usual.    
  
"You're Jensen, right?" Justin said with a smile, kneeling down right next to him.   
  
"Uhm...what? I mean, yeah. Hi, I am," Jensen rambled, sure he had turned from pink to bright red.   
  
"You've been watching me," Justin continued as if Jensen hadn't spoken.    
  
Jensen opened his mouth to say no, to say he was sorry, to excuse himself and leave the store and never come back.    
  
"I like it."   
  
Justin's words made Jensen freeze. His head snapped up to try and see if there was malice in those brown eyes, but Justin just smiled at him; inside Jensen, something warm started to spread where there had only been cold, hard knots before.    
  
"I was thinking, though," Justin said as he reached out to push a strand of Jensen's hair out of his eyes. "Wouldn't it be easier to watch me if you weren't hiding behind the books here? Like, over a cup of coffee?"   
  
"I like coffee," was all Jensen managed to say out loud. The smile that lit up his face said so much more.   
  
  
  
  
  


**~March~**

  
Justin wasn't waiting for him outside school, but Jensen tried to not be saddened by it. It wasn't like Justin always did, just that the days he did were so much better than the days he didn't. The evil remarks had quieted down the first time Justin had shown up outside his school, casually leaning against the side of his car and smiling wide as he saw Jensen coming down the stairs. The girls who had been gathering around to watch the man had gasped in surprise when Justin pushed off the car and went straight for Jensen, pulling him in close and kissing him right there in front of the whole school.    
  
The memory still made Jensen smile, lips tingling at the thought of kissing Justin in public like that. Two months and he still couldn't really believe that Justin was with him. That wonderful, older, beautiful, intelligent Justin Hartley for some reason wanted Jensen Ackles. It didn't make sense, but he really wasn't one to complain.    
  
He decided to walk over to Justin's place; his boyfriend had the day off and Jensen had no homework that needed to be finished for days. It seemed like a perfect day to cuddle with Justin on the couch, sharing kisses and then letting Justin take him to bed. Or maybe the bed straight away. Since Justin had made love to him the first time, he had found out just how wonderful days spent in bed could be.    
  


~*~

  
Justin seemed a bit distracted during the evening, distancing himself, but Jensen shrugged off the idea that it was on purpose. He and Justin were good. So Justin was a bit off tonight, not every day could be puppies and sunshine.   
  
Apparently this day would be far removed from puppies and sunshine.    
  
He wished he could have said that he had seen it coming. That there had been warnings that he just was too in love to see. But no, there hadn't been warnings. Everything had been good up until the moment it wasn't. Justin had said just the night before how much he loved Jensen, how good they were together. And then he started a conversation with the dreaded ' we need to talk .'   
  
The words didn't really penetrate Jensen's mind. They didn't feel real. His mind was foggy, twirling.   
  
"You're...leaving me." Jensen knew that was the point Justin was trying to make.   
  
"I'm sorry, Jen. It's not you, it's me."   
  
Jensen felt a bitter laugh bubbling up inside at those words. If Justin had to rip his heart out, he could at least do it without sounding like a walking, talking cliché. He bit back on the laugh, on any comeback that wanted out.    
  
"Jen, really. I love you but I can't be in a relationship right now. It wouldn't be fair to you, or to me," Justin said, softly stroking his fingers through Jensen's hair. Comforting. "Maybe some day, but I'm not ready for serious right now. I do love you, Jen, I really do. I am so sorry."   
  


~*~

  
When Jensen got home to his room that night, his eyes were still red from crying. His chest ached; apparently this was what it felt like to have your heart broken.   
  
  
  
  
  


**~April~**

  
It had been an amazingly stupid idea to accept Justin's invite. Jensen had known it right away, but he had needed to see the man. Had hoped that it would bring him some closure. But then Justin had opened the door and smiled widely at Jensen, pulling Jensen into the apartment and into his arms and Jensen knew he wasn't even close to getting over Justin.   
  
They watched a movie together, talking almost like they used to and when Justin put one arm around Jensen's shoulder, it felt natural. Jensen let himself lean into the touch, hoping that the last month could be wiped away. Because why would Justin invite him over like this if it wasn't to get together again? Why would he touch Jensen with such tenderness?   
  
' Maybe some day. '   
  


~*~

  
Later, they were in bed, the sheets damp with sweat. Justin was on his back and Jensen sat on he edge of the bed, trying to gather enough courage to ask what this all meant. Or maybe to say that he still loved Justin, to beg the older man to take him back. To give them a chance. But something in Justin's face stopped him; he looked almost amused at something.   
  
"Well fuck," Justin mumbled with a little chuckle. "I've never cheated before, and then I go and do it with  you  of all people."   
  
Jensen felt his inside turn to ice, fire, stone. He opened his mouth, trying to speak but unable to get the words out.    
  
"Sorry, Jen," Justin said, sitting up. "I know I should have said something, but...damn. I met someone. You and I really shouldn't have done this but hey, it was good. Just don't tell him, please, Jenny. This isn't like it was with you and me. This is real."   
  
"Don't you fucking call me 'Jenny,' you ass!" Jensen spat out as he started pulling his clothes back on.   
  
"Oh, come on, Jen," Justin said, reaching out for him. "We're good in bed, we could keep doing this. You could be my pretty mistress!"   
  
Jensen flinched away from the touch, unable to stop the tears from falling as he turned to watch his former boyfriend. He could see nothing of the man he had fallen in love with. There was no love in Justin's eye, no warmth. The man in front of him was a complete stranger.    
  
" Fuck  you, Hartley!"   
  
He didn't even think about it; his hand moved of its own accord as he punched Justin hard before running out of the apartment. Outside, the rain was pouring down, but Jensen kept running until his lungs were burning and he collapsed on the pavement, hard sobs shaking his body.   
  


~*~

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**~Jared~**

  
Jared woke up to the blaring sound of his alarm; throwing a pillow at the stupid thing didn't help. It only meant that it took him longer to turn it off since the pillow knocked it to the floor. Oh, this seemed to be a great day for him.  
  
Because really? It wasn't like he had been dreading the day to begin with, but now it seemed to be one of those days. He sighed heavily. Sandy would be laughing at him if she could see him now. 'Jay, how can you be so clumsy? If your head wasn't so far from your feet you would trip over that as well.' God he missed his friend. Texas was too far away, and California seemed like a scary place.  
  
With a groan, he got out of bed, sending hateful looks to the alarm before padding off to the little en-suite bathroom. At least this was a blessing, no more having to fight with Megan over the bathroom in the morning. On the other hand, his insistence at getting in before her had been the only reason he ever got to school in time.  
  
In the kitchen, his mother stroked his hair softly, putting pancakes in front of him and asking him if he was nervous.   
  
"I dunno, Mom," he said, making the drawl in his voice even more pronounced. "It wasn't so bad until someone reminded me of it. You know, I had almost forgotten!"  
  
Sherri just looked at him until he decided it was best to return to his pancakes before she decided he didn't deserve them, on account of his being a terrible son.   
  
"Jared Tristan Padalecki," Sherri sighed. "You don't always have to joke around. Really, sweetie, are you nervous?"  
  
Her tone was worried enough for him to put down his fork and turn to face her, a smile and a tiny white lie ready on his lips. But the look on his mother's face was too concerned, too worried, for him to just shrug it off.   
  
"Yeah, Mom," he mumbled. "I'm really nervous. It's the last year of high school, and we're miles and miles from home. From Texas. I don't know if I'll fit in here."  
  
"Well, I guess you better leave your lasso and cowboy boots home, son," she said with a smile, once again stroking his hair.   
  
He rolled his eyes but smiled at her.   
  
"Now who's joking around?"  
  
"Yes, Jared, I am. But I'm so much better at it than you are," she said, sitting down with a cup of coffee in her hand. "Just be yourself and things have a way of working themselves out."  
  
"Be myself?" Jared sputtered, spraying the table with pieces of pancake. "You mean as in..."  
  
"Oh baby, yes. As in being open about that. This isn't Texas, you can be yourself here. You know your father and I don't mind, it's part of why we took the chance to move here. No son of ours should be hiding!"  
  
Jared had never loved his parents more than he did at that moment.  
  


~*~

  
Messenger bag slung over his shoulder and sunglasses perched on his nose, Jared started walking to school. It wasn't too far away and he really didn't mind the 30 minute walk right now; he needed it to calm down. Only, it didn't help. He dug out his phone and speed dialed Sandy without even thinking.  
  
"Gooood morning sunshine," she chirped into his ear.   
  
"San, time to talk?"  
  
"Of course, Jay. Sitting on the porch with a book and iced tea, no school until tomorrow for me!"  
  
"Well, how nice for you," Jared sighed, too nervous to really go for sarcasm.  
  
He knew he sounded whiny but who could blame him? He didn't have butterflies in his stomach, he seemed to have fighter planes.   
  
"What's up, Jayby?" she said, concern lacing her voice.  
  
"Really, San? Jayby?" He rolled his eyes at the phone. "Mom thinks I should be open here..."  
  
"Yeah, cause usually you're so secr..." Sandy stopped herself with a gasp. "Jay, you mean she thinks you should come out?"  
  
"Mmm, guess so," he mumbled. "It's not like I was hiding before, you know, it's just that I didn't tell everyone."  
  
Sandy understood, of course she did. They had grown up together and it was no secret how most people in Texas felt about certain things. Jared had only ever told his closest family and friends that he was gay. But maybe his mom was right, maybe California could be different. As if she could read his mind, Sandy spoke softly.   
  
"Jayby, you aren't in Texas anymore. There's no need to hide."  
  
"You're right, you're right, I know you're right."  
  
"Jayby baby," she said, ignoring his low growl. "You're free now, out of the huge-ass closet that is Texas. Go. For. It."  
  
A few more minutes talking to Sandy and he felt a lot better about things, and when the school building towered in front of him he didn't even feel like throwing up. Not really.  
  
Right when he was thinking about just turning around, going home and claiming a migraine, his phone vibrated in his pocket. 'You got a text? I think I need a hug!' Donkey's voice announced happily. Jared frowned; he really needed to not let his friends play with his phone.  
  
-Jayby, check your bag! <3 San-   
  
He looked at the text for a minute before he opened the messenger bag and started searching. It didn't take too long; in the small inner pocket, he found a rainbow-coloured rubber bracelet. He laughed as he snapped it around his wrist.  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
The day hadn't even started and Jensen was already eager for it to be over. He looked at the alarm, counting down the minutes until it would go off and he would have to rise from his bed and face the real world. Never before had he felt this tempted to just burrow down under his blanket and stay there, curled into a little ball.  
  
Having the summer off had been amazing. He hadn't seen anyone from school and all the weeks without evil comments, without all that was part of his normal life, had been a bliss. But now he was going back. Back to the mocking that had only turned even worse when people at school found out Justin had dumped him. Tom had graduated before summer, but Jensen wasn't stupid, he knew that wouldn't change a thing.   
  
He turned off the alarm before it actually started to sound and sat up in bed. The house was very quiet; apparently his mom had already left for work. Great, just great. That meant it was up to him to get Mackenzie out of bed and boy, could his day get any worse?  
  
Rather than actually wake his sister up in a nice away, he opted to turn his music on. Really loud. It worked wonders and it came with the added bonus of Mac refusing to speak to him for the rest of the morning.   
  
Standing in the hall, he gave his reflection in the mirror a once-over. He looked good. Not that it mattered, everyone hated him either way and he didn't really know why he bothered. A frown crossed his face as he met his own gaze in the reflection, catching himself biting his lower lip.   
  
'Hey Jenny, wanna come to the locker room with me? Tom said your mouth was made for sucking cock. Only thing you're good at, apparently.'  
  
Even months after, the words stung when he thought about them. How could doing the right thing when it came to Tom mess everything up like it had? Sometimes he wished he had let Tom fuck him, maybe things would be different then. Maybe he wouldn't been so insecure that he fell for the first guy to show him appreciation. Tom and Justin. He did not need to think about them right now.   
  
What he needed to think about was school. About how there was only one year left. He could do one year, then he would be off to college and no one would know about 'Pretty Jenny'. One year and he would be free.   
  


~*~

  
Walking to school didn't take too long, and Jensen did prefer walking to sitting on the bus. Since the whole thing with Tom started, he had only taken the bus when the weather was too bad for him to walk. As the school building came into view, he felt the old familiar knot return to his belly in full force. If only there was a way for him to not have to walk through those doors.   
  
He wished the school was bigger; as it was, there just weren't enough students around for him to disappear in a crowd. The second he stepped through the doors into the big open entrance, he cold feel people watching him.   
  
"Hey Jenny," he heard a mocking voice call out. "Who you gonna pine over this year? I'm sure you'll find some dick to comfort you, can't miss Tom forever, can you, pretty boy?"  
  
Not even one minute and they had started on him again. It wasn't a surprise, he had expected it. But it still hurt. Thankful for the dark sunglasses covering his eyes, he kept his head held high and walked past the group of laughing students.  
  
Great, just great. It was even worse that he thought it would be. Swallowing back tears, he went straight to his locker, retrieving the books for his next class and wondering where to spend the fifteen minutes before it began. Shoving his books down into his bag, he decided to go to the spot he had made his own last year: a few tables under the main stairs, surrounded by some big green potted plants. It wasn't much, but it was usually enough to keep him hidden. The tormentors didn't care enough to actually go looking for him, content with taking the opportunity to mock him when they happened to see him.   
  
"Have you seen the new kid?" a voice rang out from the other side of the ferns.  
  
"You mean the tall, tanned, gorgeous specimen of a man? No..." another girl giggled.  
  
For a second, Jensen felt interest rise in him, but he pushed it back down. So, a new student. Big deal. The other students would quickly teach this new guy that 'Pretty Jenny' wasn't someone you wanted to be friends with, be seen with. It would just be one more sneering face, one more voice spitting insults after him, one more foot to not trip over. Tall and gorgeous? Yeah, cause his track record with tall and gorgeous was so good.   
  


~*~

  
Hiding almost made Jensen late to his first class, but he didn't mind. Waiting outside the classroom was always painful and he would much rather risk being late. There was only one seat left and as he slid into it, he saw the boy beside him roll his eyes and move his desk away from Jensen's. Oh, it was nice to be back in school.   
  
Jensen sighed and took out his books, notebook and pencils and let his gaze wander over the class. He knew all students by name—all but one.   
  
Jensen's breathing caught in his throat when he saw the other boy. 'Tall, tanned, gorgeous specimen of a man' had been a very fitting description indeed and Jensen felt his heart plummet down into his belly. He didn't want this boy to tease him; it would hurt even more coming from those beautifully soft-looking lips. It would hurt even more to see hatred in those slanted hazel eyes.  
  
The boy in question was smiling at the person sitting next to him—Chad Murray, Jensen recognized him even from behind. The new boy's smile showed off the prettiest dimples Jensen had ever seen. A small, bitter voice inside him pointed out that no one was moving their desks away from the new kid. The guy couldn't have been in school for more than thirty minutes and already he fit in better than Jensen ever had. Life just wasn't fair, he knew that. Knowing didn't make it hurt less.  
  
"Jensen Ackles!" the teacher's voice snapped. "We do not wear sunglasses in class."  
  
Maybe there was something about him that made people dislike him? Jensen had often wondered that, since even the teachers seemed to take pleasure in making his life a living hell. Without answering, he removed his sunglasses, sliding them into his bag and preparing to meet the teacher's hard gaze, but she had already forgotten about him, turning with a smile to the new boy.  
  
"Would you like to introduce yourself? You don't have to, but it would be nice."  
  
"Uhm, yeah, guess I can," the kid said, standing up and running one hair through unruly hair.  
  
He looked a bit nervous and Jensen felt sorry for him. That was until Chad nudged the kid's arm a bit and gave him a thumbs up. The kid didn't only fit in, he already had friends. Bitter resentment rose within Jensen and he looked down at his notebook, biting back a snort.  
  
"I'm...uhm, I'm Jared," the kid started. "Jared Padalecki and I'm from Texas."  
  
"You go, cowboy!" Chad drawled, copying Jared's accent tenfold and drawing giggles from the other students.  
  
"Shut up!" Jared laughed. "Anyway, I'm not a cowboy! We just moved here. Obviously. I like animals, books and..."  
  
"Boys!" Chad called out.  
  
Jensen looked up just in time to see Chad pull at a rainbow-coloured bracelet that surrounded Jared's wrist. The new kid, Jared, was blushing but smiling wide. Jensen wondered if this kid would be teased about his sexuality. If he would have the word 'cocksucker' tossed after him in the hallways. No, the student body wasn't homophobic. Those comments seemed to be saved for Jensen and Jensen alone.  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
For some reason, the silly bracelet made the day seem brighter. It was like having Sandy there by his side, grounding him, and the knot in Jared's belly untangled as he walked up the school's front steps. His mom was right, Sandy was right; this wasn't Texas. He could be himself here, and apparently 'himself' wore rainbow bracelets.   
  
He stopped inside the big entrance, looking around until he saw the door to the reception. He walked past a group of laughing teenagers who eyed him curiously, but neither of them spoke to him and as he reached the door to the reception, he heard one of the teenagers say 'Hey Jenny' before the door closed behind Jared and shut out the sound.  
  
Soon he had his schedule and locker combination in hand; now he just needed to find said locker and the way to his first class. Maybe if he hadn't had to wrestle the stupid alarm in the morning, he would have had more time.  
  
The locker wasn't that hard to find but reaching it was another thing; a blonde guy was leaning against it, headphones on and Jared could hear the music from a few feet away.  
  
The kid was smaller than Jared (most people were, after all) and somehow he managed to look mishivous even in silence. Jared reached out one hand and poked the guy's arm, causing him to yelp as he jumped and dropped the books he had been holding.   
  
"Oh, uhm, sorry, but you're kinda..." Jared tried not to laugh at the startled look on the boy's face. "That's my locker."  
  
"Fucking hell, don't give a dude a heart attack on first fucking day of school," the kid gasped, clutching one hand over his heart.   
  
The blonde guy looked him over from top to bottom a few times, eyes narrowing.   
  
"Hey, you're new," he said, moving away from the locker. "I'm Chad, I guess I'm your locker neighbour."  
  
"Well hey Chad," Jared said with a grin, already liking this kid. "I'm Jared. And...I'm new."  
  
Cursing his awkwardness, Jared put away what few books he had—he would need to go book shopping that afternoon—and turned to Chad again. Chad was putting away his iPod and picking up his books from the floor.  
  
"Hey Chad, where do I find," Jared stopped and checked his schedule. "Mrs. Hale's classroom?"  
  
"Oh dude!" Chad grinned happily. "That's my next class, come on, this way!"  
  
Jared followed the guy with a smile on his face. Why had he been worried about this day? He had always been good at making friends, and apparently that skill had followed him to California.   
  
"So, you're one of the rainbow people?" Chad said suddenly, and just as suddenly, Jared didn't feel so relaxed anymore.  
  
"I dunno if I'm part of the 'people' but, "Jared eyed the bracelet that had caught Chad's attention. "I guess so?"  
  
"Jared, my man, this is California. No one gives a flying fuck if you like dick," Chad went on. "Just don't give me any nasty details and we are a-ok."  
  
Well, okay then. That had been much smoother than Jared had ever dared to imagine. He was laughing when they entered the classroom, Chad pushing him down in a desk and settling in next to him, happily chatting about the school while the classroom filled up around them.   
  
Suddenly Jared was unable to hear a single word Chad was saying. Every fiber of his being was focused on the boy who had just walked through the door. Blonde hair in a spiky disarray and surprisingly pale skin for a Californian, and even from a distance Jared could see the smatter of freckles that covered the boy's nose and cheeks. And the lips. Jared knew he would be dreaming of those full, pink lips for awhile now. The boy was pretty, even with his face partly covered by sunglasses, and the way the clothes fit him hinted of a body to go with the face. Jared knew California was full of beautiful people, but he had expected them to be in Hollywood, not in his own classroom.   
  
"Were you out and proud in Texas?"  
  
Chad's question snapped him out of his not-so-discrete ogling. Luckily Chad seemed oblivious about it all and Jared forced himself to focus on the question instead of the pretty boy.  
  
"What? No. Sure, my family and friends knew...but it was Texas, man."  
  
"But now?" Chad asked. "I take it from the bracelet that you've left the closet?"  
  
"Yeah, no more closet time for me," Jared said with a smile.  
  
"Jensen Ackles! We do not wear sunglasses in the classroom."  
  
The snap of the teacher's voice made Jared jump a little, wondering why she had used that tone. It wasn't even like the class had officially started. Turning his head, Jared saw the pretty boy remove his sunglasses, and he caught a glimpse of emerald green eyes before the Mrs. Hale turned her attention to Jared. He cringed a little, wondering if she would use that annoyed tone on him, but she had changed into a genuine smile, nothing of the venom she had directed at pretty boy—Jensen—left in her voice. Jared wondered if Jensen had a record of causing problems.   
  
With Chad nudging him on, he agreed to introduce himself to the class, blushing deeply when Chad drew attention to the rubber bracelet and jokingly telling the class that he liked boys. No one really seemed to care and Jared could relax again. And if he thought that Jensen was glaring at him from the corner of his eye? Well, that would probably be his overactive imagination.   
  


~*~

  
It seemed like Chad had asigned himself the post of BFF, guiding Jared between classes even if they didn't share them and come lunchtime, Jared already felt quite at home in this new school. When Chad dragged him into the cafeteria, Jared quickly became aware that Chad seemed to know everyone, tossing waves and comments around. Jared wondered which group they would sit with but to his surprise, Chad led them to a small table in the corner.  
  
"Sitting with you asses tomorrow," Chad shouted to a group sitting at a round table in the middle of the room. "Today I need to tell Jared all our dirty secrets!"  
  
The students at the table merely flipped him off and waved their greetings to Jared. Seated at the table with his tray of boring cafeteria food, Jared turned to Chad.   
  
"Dirty secrets?" he smirked.  
  
"They're all too vanilla to have any secrets dirty enough to waste time on. But if we sit here, you can ask me stuff and no one needs to hear. Let the gossip begin."  
  
"Chad, you kinda fucking rock!" Jared declared with a laugh.   
  
"Of course," Chad agreed with a shrug. "Rocking is sorta my thing. Now, any questions so far?"  
  
Jared hesitated, not sure how Chad would react to the one thing he was really curious about, but didn't have anyone else to ask so he went for it.   
  
"That guy, in our first lesson. Mrs Hale snapped..."  
  
"Oh, you mean Jenny," Chad interrupted with a nod.   
  
"What...no? The guy," Jared said, confused.   
  
"Yeah, Jensen, only everyone calls him Jenny. I guess I understand why he caught your attention, the guy is pretty enough; hell, I'm not gay and even I can see that."  
  
Jared frowned a bit at that. Jenny. The boy didn't feel like a 'Jenny' as far as Jared was concerned. Then he remembered the 'Hey Jenny' he had heard while heading to the reception that morning. Jenny. Huh.   
  
"The teacher didn't seem to like him," Jared said.  
  
"No one likes Jenny," Chad said. "Not really sure why. Sure, there was the whole Tom thing last year, but even..."  
  
"Tom thing?"  
  
"Shit, forgot you weren't here then, Jayman. Jensen fooled around with Tom Welling, Golden Boy Extraordinair of the school." Chad looked a bit ill at ease. "Tom pretty much told everyone that Jenny was crap in bed, and that he got clingy and slutty."  
  
"Sounds like a nice guy," Jared muttered.   
  
"Tom? Grade-A asshole," Chad confirmed. "But he pretty much ruled the school before he graduated. And Jenny? Well, he always kept to himself before that. And after? He pretty much bites the head off anyone who comes too close. Bookish brainboy with an attitude."  
  
Chad stopped talking, eyes suddenly glued on the doors to the cafeteria. Jared turned around and saw Jensen enter, sunglasses back in place and full lips pressed together in a tight line. The two boys watched him in silence as he filled his tray.   
  
"Jenny!" someone called out from the crowd. "Have you heard the news?"  
  
Jared could see the boy's shoulders stiffen but other than that, there was no indication that he had heard. The cafeteria quieted down suddenly; apparently people were expecting a show.   
  
"Yeah, Jenny," someone else continued. "We all know you're still pining over Tom...but you need to know he moved on."  
  
"Upgraded big time," the first voice went on. "You might be pretty, but you're no Justin Hartley."  
  
It had all played out like some fucked-up tennis match, the boys tossing the comments back and forth, evil smirks on their face as the audience sat silent and watchful. Jared's feelings of fitting in were gone; he couldn't believe kids could be that cruel.  
  
At the last words, Jensen's tray slid from his fingers, falling to the floor with loud clatter. The laughter was instantaneous, cold and hard. Jared looked at Chad and felt a bit better seeing that his newfound friend wasn't smiling. In the middle of the room, Chad's friends sat silent as well.   
  
"Didn't you know, Jenny?" the teasing continued.  
  
"Justin and Tom are in looove," a voice sing-songed.   
  
Jared could see a shiver run through Jensen's body before the boy ran from the cafeteria, laughter following him out.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
No, no, no. This could not be happening, it must be some fucked up nightmare.  
  
Jensen hadn't been aware that he left the school, that he had kept on running, until he was standing on his own front porch and clutching the burn in his side.   
  
'You're no Justin Hartley.'  
  
'Tom and Justin are in looove.'  
  
The words kept ringing in his mind. Justin could not have done that to him. Not with Tom, of all people. Jensen remembered finally daring to tell Justin about Tom, about all the shit at school. Justin had held him for hours, soft words of love spoken in the darkness. Pulling the covers over them when Jensen had said he didn't want Justin to see him like that.   
  
'I can't see you now, Jen. But I'm here for you.'  
  
He had felt safe there, with Justin, and the following day had been the first time Justin had picked him up after school.   
  
But did he even know Justin anymore? The kind, sweet man Jensen had fallen in love with was gone; maybe he had never been there to begin with. Another version of Justin, the one who had called him 'Jenny' on that last night, the one who had hurt him more than anyone else ever had, seemed to have taken the place of the man Jensen had loved. And Jensen remembered the words spoken that night, months ago.   
  
'This isn't like it was with you and me. This is real.'  
  
Jensen collapsed in his bed, letting the waves of emotions crash over him, drown him.   
  


~*~


	3. Chapter 3

**~Jared~**

  
When Jared got home from his first day at his new school, he felt exhausted. It wasn't only his nervousness from that morning, the fear of coming out, the relief at being accepted, the stress of classes. There was more to it; there was one thing that refused to leave his mind. The scene from the cafeteria kept replaying itself in his mind time and time again.  
  
He had asked Chad more questions once things had calmed down again and found out that Justin was Jensen's ex-boyfriend. The main question in his mind had been why people treated Jensen the way they did, but when he suggested sexuality, Chad had said no.   
  
"Tom Welling was gay and people fucking worshipped him. Really Jay, no one cares about that here."  
  
"So why...?"  
  
"Why is Jensen the one they hate?" Chad finished the question. "Dunno, he was always a loner, nose in a book. Freakishly smart, guess people were intimidated. He always seemed to think he was better than the rest. Guess when the thing with Tom went down, people just jumped at the chance to push him down a few pegs, and then it all got out of control."  
  
Jared was at least happy that Chad and his friends weren't joining in on the 'Jenny Bashing,' as one of the girls had called it. None of them seemed interested in sticking up for Jensen, though, and that made Jared wonder if Jensen had any friends at all in school.   
The student body seemed to be split in two camps: one which despised the pretty boy, and one which didn't care. It was almost enough to make Jared miss the homophobia in Texas; at least then, you knew why people hated you.  
  


~*~

  
The second day of school, Jared only saw Jensen from a distance but still he couldn't take his eyes off the boy. Blonde hair, naturally unruly today, black jeans and a green short-sleeved shirt. He was beautiful, but something in his posture made Jared want to walk over there and pull him into his arms. He didn't.  
  
That day they sat with Chad's friends at lunch and Jared felt at home with the group of people. They all seemed just as open and friendly as Chad. And, as Jared soon found out, they were just as insane.   
  
"Jayman," a brown haired boy said. "Chad said you're batting for the home team? That rocks! I've been so lonely as the only one here with a love for cock!"  
  
Jared almost spray-painted the table with food at that comment and sputtered for words as the table erupted in laughter.  
  
"You know, Misha," a pretty redhead said, "Sophia and I like cock too, most straight girls do."  
  
"Eww, don't remind me," Misha said with a mock shiver. "When you proclaim your love for cock, it's just nasty! Plus Soph only likes Chad's dick and that thought is beyond disturbing."  
  
"Hey, you don't get to complain about my dick until you've tried it," Chad complained.  
  
Misha made a little gagging sound and pretended to hide behind Jared.   
  
It was all a bit bizarre to Jared. Chad's friends treated him like he had been part of the group for years as opposed to just arriving the day before. Not that Jared minded, he just hadn't expected it to be like this. He only wished there could be one more person at the table, or maybe he wished that he would stop obsessing over Jensen.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
As the days passed by, Jensen felt his equilibrium slowly returning. Things wouldn't be good in school, he knew that. But at least he could deal with them and lock away any thoughts of Justin and Tom. Tom and Justin. He didn't want to wrap his mind around that; if he ignored it all hard enough, it might stop being true.   
  
Yes, it would stop being true the day Jensen was voted Prom King. The day someone actually talked to him instead of sneering on their way past. Some people had a nice time in school, but Jensen wasn't one of those people.   
  
He wasn't popular Jared fucking Padalecki. Jensen knew it was unfair of him to blame the new kid, but his arrival had shown clearly how nice people could be, how welcoming. It all made his days that much worse. He wasn't jealous of Jared's friends. Not really. Chad and his crew might not torment Jensen, but they weren't nice to him, either. They simply didn't care enough to give him the time of day. But it all seemed so easy for Jared. The talking, the laughing. And no one, not even the people who did torment Jensen, made fun of Jared's sexuality.  
  
Jensen just couldn't understand why shit always happened to him.  
  


~*~

  
Friday finally arrived and Jensen pushed his books into his messenger bag, slamming his locker shut and sighing on the inside when he saw the group of people gathered at the end of the corridor. Great, apparently he was due for one last dose of torture before he got to leave the school. He slung the bag over his shoulders and started walking; it wasn't like he had a choice.   
  
"Jenny, what's the rush?"   
  
Jensen swore to himself when he recognized the voice of Jake Carver. The guy had followed Tom around like a puppy last year and now it seemed he had taken it upon himself to continue what Tom had so kindly started.  
  
Lowering his head, Jensen tried pushing through the group, closing his eyes so as to not have to meet their mocking glares. He was quickly reminded why closing his eyes in school was a bad idea when a foot came out to trip him and he found himself belly-flat on the floor.   
  
"Oh boy," Jake went on. "I didn't know it was this easy to get you to spread out, Jenny. Now I get why Tom never stuck around, it's no fun when you give in that quickly."  
  
"You should spend more time like that," another voice joined in. "Pretty ass in the air, only part of you anyone would ever care about."  
  
Tears stung his eyes as Jensen tried to get to his feet with some dignity intact, but the kids around him weren't about to let him go just yet. Jake kneeled down beside him and put one hand on his shoulder as he got on all fours, forcing him to keep that position. Jensen felt a spasm of unease at the degradation.   
  
"I find it fun." Jake leaned in to whisper in his ear. "That Tom and Justin found each other. You should see how happy they are, now that neither of them have to worry about you, Jenny."  
  
He almost spat out the hateful nickname and Jensen cringed. He didn't want to hear this. Didn't want to think about Tom and Justin.   
  
With one quick movement, Jake rose up, pulling Jensen with him and still whispering into his ear, the hot breath against Jensen's ear causing bile to rise in his throat.   
  
"I know that Tom never fucked you. He was always too good for you. I know that Justin regrets ever laying a finger on you, but at least he and Tom have funny stories to tell. Oh Jenny, you should hear the stories Justin tells."  
  
With that he pushed Jensen against the wall and the group left.   
  
Jensen stood frozen in the spot. He didn't know how much time had passed before he picked his bag off the floor, putting back the books that had fallen out. He fought to keep his lunch in his belly, terror and humiliation tearing him to pieces. He knew what stories Justin could tell, he knew all the secrets, fears and hopes he had told his former boyfriend. Just the thought of those things reaching Tom's ears, reaching people like Jake Carver made him want to throw up. It would be more ammunition for them to use against him.  
  
Jake, who had known that Tom never...and still he played along. He knew and still he used the lies as an excuse to torment. Jensen wondered how many other people knew. How many of them didn't care if the words they tossed after him were true?  
  
"Hey, uhm...are you okay?"  
  
Jensen spun around, blinking away the tears and saw there, just feet away, stood Jared. Fuck. Just what he needed, to stand there with tears in his eyes in front of the new Wonderkid.   
  
"Fine," he muttered, focusing his eyes on the ground.   
  
"You sure? You don't really look fine," Jared said with worry in his voice.   
  
And that, no. Jensen did not want this person to feel sorry for him. Content he could deal with, he was even used to it. But he couldn't have people feeling sorry for him. He wasn't that pathetic.   
  
"I said I'm fine. Mind your own business." Jensen knew he was being an ass, but that was his self-defence.  
  
"Okay, you're fine. I get it. I just wanted to say hello," Jared said, and Jensen tried to pretend he didn't hear the hurt undertone.  
  
"Why?" Jensen asked, surprised and worried.  
  
"Because it's a polite thing to do? I'm Jared. They said you're called Jenny—I mean J..."  
  
The edges of Jensen's vision turned red as anger welled over him. That hated nickname, and from a person he didn't even know. Jensen looked around quickly, wondering if he would find Jake laughing at him. This scene felt stupidly arranged; of all the times the boy could have approached him, he had to choose now? Jensen didn't think so, this was just another plan to fuck with him.   
  
"Jensen!" he snapped angrily. "My name is Jensen. Not fucking 'Jenny,' so maybe you should stop being so fucking stupid and stop listening to anything people tell you. And you know what? I don't give fuck about polite, keep to your friends and stay the hell away from me! Go play with Jake, I'm sure the two of you would get along great!"  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
The second the name 'Jenny' crossed his lips, Jared knew he fucked up. He could see it in the way Jensen's shoulders tensed, in the angry glare Jensen sent his way as he gave Jared a piece of his mind. But what really got to Jared was the look of hurt and fear in the other boy's eyes.  
  
It had taken him days to dare and approach Jensen but when he had seen him standing alone on the corridor, he couldn't help it, he had to take his chance. The hostility in the other boy's voice was what had thrown him. Chad had mentioned that Jensen had attitude issues, but Jared hadn't expected to be told off just for asking how he was doing.  
  
Being that close had thrown him as well; seeing him so close up, he was even more beautiful. Soft powdering of freckles, and eyes flecked with gold. Emerald green eyes that turned hard as Jared effectivly put his foot in his mouth.   
  
The venom in Jensen's words hurt even though Jared felt that he deserved some of it. But the comments about Jake? Jared just didn't understand it. Even though he felt bad for Jensen, he could feel annoyance fill him. He found himself speaking before he could think about.   
  
"Who the hell is Jake? No wait, don't even answer. Are you paranoid? Not everyone is out to get you, you know. I came to speak with you, but right now I don't get why, it's not worth getting my head bitten off over. I understand why people avoid you!"  
  
The second the words passed his lips, he wished he could take them back. He expected Jensen to get angry, to snarl insults at him. What he hadn't expected was the pure anguish on that pretty face, or the way Jensen flinched away, as if he thought Jared would hit him. Tears filled his green eyes but before either of them could say a word, a voice rang out from behind Jared.   
  
"Hey, Jared, right?" a boy said, walking up and bumping shoulder with Jared. "What are you doing with pretty little Jenny?"  
  
Jared didn't even have time to ask who the boy was; judging by the way Jensen's face closed off when the boy slung an arm around Jared's shoulders, it couldn't be anyone good.  
  
"You shouldn't waste your time with trash like Jenny here. Trust me, looks aren't everything."  
  
"How nice to see you again," Jensen said with a hard tone. "Come to tell me more Tom stories?"  
  
Jared could see how difficult it was for Jensen to get Tom's name across his lips. He wanted to reach out, to comfort him in any way, and he was just about to shrug the arm off his shoulder when Jensen turned his eyes on him.   
  
"It isn't really being paranoid if it's all real, now is it? Have fun with Jake here, I'm sure he'll have fun things to tell you."  
  
Jake? Oh, fuck! Jared started pushing the arm away, opened his mouth to speak, but Jensen had already turned his back on them and walked off.  
  
"Fuck, that kid weirds me out," Jake said, apparently unaware of Jared's discomfort. "No wonder Tom didn't fuck that loser. Surprised anyone can get hard with him around, pretty or not."  
  
Jared pushed the guy away, his mind reeling at the words spoken, trying to make sense of it all.   
  
"What?" he snarled. "You can't be fucking serious."  
  
"What is your problem?" Jake spat; Jared's shove had almost made him fall over.   
  
"You guys are! The way you treat Jensen. You're actually giving him shit for something that didn't even happen? How fucking low can you get?"  
  
"Fuck, you're on his side?" Jake said with a laugh. "That's a new one. The stuck-up brat had it coming all along, no big deal."  
  
Jake started to walk away, but then he stopped himself and looked back at Jared with a smirk on his lips.  
  
"Get it out of your system, if you wanna fuck him that badly, just ask him. Justin always said the kid's easy as hell. I mean, even so, he said Jenny there isn't worth it but hey...that's up to you!"  
  


~*~

  
"What's up, Jayby?" Sandy asked when he called her for the third time that weekend.   
  
Jared sighed and leaned back on his bed, phone on speaker next to his head.   
  
"I don't know, Sandy," he said. "This shit is so messed up. I can't stop thinking about it."  
  
It was true, the events of the past week were on repeat in his head and he couldn't shake the feeling that he had fucked up. He wished he could go back and start all over again, wondering what he could have done to make it all better.   
  
"About it, or about him?"  
  
And that there was so typical of Sandy, always able to get straight to the point when it came to Jared. He knew she was right, even though he hadn't admitted these things to himself yet.   
  
"Him." He didn't even hesitate. "It's all messed up, but he's the reason I care the way I do."  
  
"Jay, are you telling me that you've been in California one week and you're already falling in love? I told you that place would be good for you!"  
  
Jared couldn't help the smile stretching his lips. Sandy had been complaining about his lack of a steady partner since he broke it off with Jimmy a year ago; Jimmy had only been around for a few months anyway.   
  
"I am not 'falling in love'," he protested. "I don't even know him, it's just...something about him. More than the fact that he's probably the most beautiful boy I've ever seen."  
  
"Yes. He's gorgeous. You told me that. But if you're not in love, then you're at least falling in...interest." He thought he could hear her nod.  
  
"Well...yes. Fuck Sandy, what should I do? I fucked up big time. He thinks I'm like them. He hates me."  
  
"Be his friend. Show him that he can trust you. Jared, if half of what you told me is true, the boy has been through hell. I love you Jayby, but if you cause him any more pain, I'll come to California and hurt you," she said with her sweetest voice.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Of course Jared was friends with Jake. It was just what Jensen had been scared of, what he had expected, but it still hurt. Apparently parts of him had been hoping, even though he hadn't admitted it to himself.  
  
Why did it hurt that much more knowing that Jared would be one of his tormentors?  
  
He hated being this person. The one no one wanted to be friends with, the one people hated so much the they would rather move their desks away than sit next to him. The one who wasn't boyfriend material, so much so that people preferred being with Tom over being with him.  
  
Many a nights had been spent trying to figure out what he had done wrong. What it was about him that made people despise him.   
  
Standing in front of the mirror, he looked at himself, trying to see what other people saw. They called him pretty, spat the word after him in a way that made sure it was an insult and not a compliment. He didn't really see it. He liked his eyes, green with sparks of gold. But then there was the rest. The too-long, too-girly eyelashes, the freckles that marred his nose and cheek bones. And the lips, he hated his lips. 'Cock sucking lips,' they told him. Even Justin had said that Jensen's lips looked amazing wrapped around him. At the time he had thought it was a good thing, but now it made his stomach curl.  
  
He looked at his mouth in the mirror, full plump lips, lower lip slightly swollen from his habit of biting at it when he was nervous. Even as he thought about it, he saw his reflection bite down on his lip and quickly released it.  
  
No, he wasn't pretty. And even if he was? Well, then apparently it was a fucking curse. He wished he looked different, was different. Or if nothing else, he wished he could turn the feelings off, turn the hurt off.   
  
Jensen really thought he had cried enough to last a lifetime. One week into the semester and he had no idea how he would get through the year, no idea if he even wanted to anymore. Jensen knew it, he was getting closer and closer to giving up.   
  


~*~

  
The weekend rushed past, of course it did when Jensen would have given anything to make it last. Come Monday morning, he really just wanted to call in sick, but he knew he wouldn't be able to explain to his parents. He had never told them anything about the last year, hadn't been close to them since they day he told them he was gay. Well, he had expected that, he should be happy they hadn't thrown him out, but the distance between them stung. Not even his parents were on his side.  
  
Jensen spent some time trying to get himself to look good, even though he didn't know why he bothered since he knew he would get the same treatment no matter what he wore.   
  
Getting to school early, he went straight for his 'hiding spot,' pulling up a book from his bag and trying to look busy. He didn't really read so much as look at the pages while his mind kept returning to Jared. Jared, Jake, Tom, and Justin, and the fucked up mess that was his life. The strange thing was that he thought he had reached rock bottom when the whole thing with Justin went down. But now there was the Tom and Justin thing and apparently that opened a trap door to yet another bottom, a new level of low.   
  
And then there was Jared. Jared who for some reason had managed to get under Jensen's skin without them actually talking. And what little talking they had done wouldn't leave Jensen alone, the few moments of hope that Jared might be different and the terrible sinking feeling when he wasn't.  
  
Again, he was almost late for class, and he tried to not notice the dark glare he got from Mrs. Hale as he slipped into his seat. He also tried to not notice how the person next to him moved his seat away. What he did notice was Jared looking at him from his own seat, but Jensen kept his head down, too scared of what he would see on those hazel eyes if he looked over. The class dragged on and Jensen kept his focus on the teacher and taking notes, trying to let his surroundings fade out. When the bell finally rang, he lingered behind, avoiding to walk out with the rest of the class, avoiding Jared. That attempt became futile when he got outside and saw that the corridor wasn't empty as he had hoped it would be; Jared was leaning against the wall outside the door.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
The words caught Jensen by surprise and for a few moments he just stared at Jared, trying to figure out if it was all part of some new plan to make Jensen's life even worse. But in Jared's eyes he could only read sincerity and...something that came too close to pity for Jensen's liking.   
  
"What?" he managed to croak out.   
  
"I'm sorry," Jared repeated. "I'm not friends with Jake, and I don't want to be, either. And I feel like an ass for snapping at you like I did."  
  
"What?" Jensen repeated, unable to comprehend what was happening.   
  
"Look, what I'm trying to say is that I fucked up. And I get if you don't trust me ever, but I kinda wanna be your friend."  
  
Jensen really felt like asking another 'what?' but managed to stop himself. Without meaning to, he asked another question.  
  
"You don't hate me?"  
  
Right away he regretted the words, hated how pathetic he sounded, the thread of wild hope he could hear in his own voice. Jared's eyes turned soft and warm, a look that felt foreign to Jensen.  
  
"No, Jensen, I don't hate you," Jared said quietly. "I need to go to my next class, but please think about it."  
  
And with that he walked away down the corridor, leaving Jensen to try to sort through his emotions. It all seemed too good to be true, and Jensen knew from experience that anything that looked too good probably was. He was terrified of getting hurt again.  
  
But still, he couldn't stop himself from hoping.  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared knew it was a small step, but at least it was a step. Thoughts of Jensen followed him the rest of the morning as he tried to figure out how he would be able to get through to the scared and hurt other boy.  
  
When lunch came, he asked Chad if they could find some hidden corner to talk.   
  
"Jay, my man," Chad said. "Please don't tell me you want to proclaim your big gay love for me?"  
  
Jared rolled his eyes at that and Chad grinned widely as they took their trays and went outside to some empty picnic tables. The sun was hot and bright over head, but Jared thought that grey skies and rain would have been more fitting to the turmoil that was raging inside him. As they say down, Jared poked the food around on his plate, unsure of how to start.  
  
"Jared," Chad said finally, "I know we've only known each other for a week, but dude, you not eating? What the hell is up?" Jared could hear the worried tone behind the joking words.   
  
"I think...uhm...that I'm..." he started but then fell silent again.  
  
"That you're...straight? That you're God's gift to humanity? That you are falling in love with Principal Singer? Dude, give me something to work with here."  
  
Jared snorted; trust Chad to be weird enough to make Jared relax.  
  
"I am God's gift to humanity," Jared said with a grin but then he turned serious. "I think...that...I'mkindafallingforJensen."  
  
The words tumbled out of him and he thought he would have to repeat them, but when he looked up and saw the look on Chad's face, he knew that his friend had heard him.   
  
"What?" Chad choked out. "You're falling for Jenny?"  
  
Jared couldn't stop his annoyed frown at the nickname. He could easily remember Jensen's face when Jared had said it to him.   
  
"Don't call him that," Jared snapped, "he doesn't like it."  
  
Chad stared at him. Apparently talking to Chad about this had been a really bad idea; just when Jared was starting to regret ever opening his mouth, Chad finally broke the silence:  
  
"You're serious?"  
  
Jared refused to look up and meet Chad's gaze. Instead he moved some baby carrots around on his plate and gave a small nod.   
  
"Jared, are you sure this is a good idea? Jenny...I mean Jensen, isn't really...uhm...somone you..." Chad drifted off vaguely.   
  
Jared didn't know if he wanted to cry or laugh at that. The whole situation was beyond bizarre. Chad was worried for him? All the shit Jensen had been through and Jared was the one he worried about?  
  
"Chad," Jared started to explain. "Jensen isn't bad. I know that. Hell, everyone should know that. You know that asshole, Jake? He said straight out that Jensen and Tom never did anything. They just harass Jensen 'cause Tom wanted them to. Probably still wants it."  
  
"Fuck," Chad mumbled. "He actually said that?"  
  
"Oh yeah, he said Jensen 'had it coming.' I don't know about the Justin thing but...fuck, Chad, the things they've put Jensen through." Jared could feel tears stinging his eyes just thinking about it.   
  
When he looked up he saw that Chad had gone pale and there was guilt in his eyes.  
  
"And we let them. Hell, everyone let them...even the teachers..." Chad stood up, running one hand through his hair, and started pacing back and forth next to the table. "You must think we are such assholes."  
  
Jared had thought about that, and yes, parts of him had been annoyed that no one had stood up for Jensen. But he knew he didn't really blame Chad and his other newfound friends. They could have done better, of course, but they could have done a lot worse.   
  
"No," he said honestly. "I just...Chad, I care about him. I offered to be his friend but I don't think he'll trust me for a long time, not really. Fuck...I'm gonna need help."  
  
Chad stopped pacing and looked at Jared for a long time. Slowly, his worried face melted away and was replaced by a smile.  
  
"Fuck, Jay," he said. "We're friends, of course I'll help. We all will. If you want Jenny..."  
  
"Chad!"  
  
"Shit! Sorry, stupid habit. If you want Jensen, we'll help. But dude, that boy'll have issues the size of Texas."  
  
"I know, Chad," Jared sighed. "I know."  
  


~*~

  
Jared was surprised when he saw the figure leaning against the wall beside his locker at the end of the day. Blonde hair, freckles and green eyes, and the sight melted his heart. He didn't know why Jensen affected him as much as he did and he really didn't care anymore. All he cared about was helping him as much as possible.   
  
"Hey," he said as he stopped next to Jensen.   
  
"Hey," the other boy replied. "You aren't friends with Jake, and you don't hate me."  
  
It was a statement, not a question, but Jared chose to answer it anyway.   
  
"No, I'm not and no, I don't," he said with a soft voice. "Look, I know I don't know you, or know what the fuck has happened around here, but..."  
  
"But you wanna be my friend," Jensen whispered.   
  
"Yeah, I really do. Will you let me?"  
  
Big green eyes met Jared's and he could see emotions battle inside them. Jared stood silent, afraid of messing something up, afraid of scaring Jensen. He was fighting back an urge to reach out and touch him, comfort him in any way.   
  
"Okay."  
  
The words were so quiet that Jared thought he had imagined them, but then Jensen cleared his throat and spoke again.   
  
"Okay. Friends. I think I want that."  
  


~*~


	4. Chapter 4

**~Jensen~**

  
There was being scared, there was being terrified, and then there was whatever Jensen was. It went beyond anything he had ever felt before, and God knows he had felt a lot. He had told Jared he wanted them to be friends, and then he had panicked and left the other boy alone in the corridor. Jensen knew it was stupid, Jared wouldn't believe him after that. God, Jensen had fucked up so bad.   
  
He had been gathering courage all day, his little spark of hope growing brighter and brighter. Deep inside, Jensen knew that he might be in for a world of pain, but it was Jared and Jensen couldn't say no. But standing there waiting for Jared had been the most terrifying thing he had ever done and he had just been about to leave when Jared had arrived.   
  
And really, Jensen was quite proud that he had managed to speak at all before he ran off. Still, how would he explain it to Jared? He wondered how Jared wanted to proceed with the whole 'being friends' thing. Jared offering to be his friend was one thing; both times they had been alone, no one to hear. Jensen didn't know what to expect when there were people around. He should probably just lay low; Jared wouldn't want to be seen with him in public. Being friends in secret? Yes, Jensen was okay with that. It was better than having no friends at all.   
  


~*~

  
The following day he didn't see Jared at all, and he tried to not freak out about it, he really tried, but it didn't work very well. By the time he got home from school in the afternoon, he had half convinced himself that Jared's offer of friendship had just been a figment of his hopeful imagination.   
  
Something seemed different at school, though. It wasn't a big difference, but to Jensen it felt overwhelming. The first time it happened he had been sure he had imagined it; the second time, it froze him on the spot. It had never happened before, but when Sophia walked past him, she smiled at him and he thought he could hear a small 'hey' but no, that couldn't have been for him. Then later in the day, there was Misha, and this time he couldn't pretend, the 'hey Jensen' couldn't be ignored. Jensen stood staring as the other boy walked away. Someone had noticed him without tripping him or tossing a hateful 'Jenny' at him. Something was changing.   
  


~*~

  
When he arrived at school the next day, Jensen saw Jake sitting on the stairs to the main entrance and he could feel bile rise inside him. Jake would never pass up on an opportunity to mock Jensen.  
  
"Well look, if it isn't Pretty Jenny," Jake greeted him with a sneer.  
  
Yes, this was the life Jensen was used to. The normal way of being greeted. He cursed himself for thinking this could ever change. Stupid Jared for making him hope.   
  
"Fuck you, Jake," he muttered, walking past the boy.   
  
"Oh you wish, Jenny," Jake laughed. "I don't swing that way, and even if I did I sure as hell wouldn't touch you."  
  
Just when he was walking through the doors, he heard Jake call out.   
  
"Oh by the way, Justin sends his regards!"  
  
Jensen felt pain ripple through him at those words, closely followed by the mind-numbing fear of what lies Justin would tell about him, or what truths. It was only pure willpower that allowed him to walk into school without tears streaming down his face. Less than one year to go and then he would be free, gone to college. He ignored the little voice inside asking him if he really thought college would be different, if he really thought people wouldn't hate him there. It had to be different.  
  
"Hey Jensen."  
  
The words made him stop dead in his tracks and he looked up to see Jared standing a few feet away, a hesitant smile on his face. No annoyed look, no complaining about Jensen running away from him the other day. Just a smile. Jensen forced back the hurt that Jake had caused and gave Jared a shaky smile in return.   
  
"Hey."  
  
"I was just gonna say that...if you want to we could have lunch today? I can wait for you outside the cafeteria?"  
  
Jared's gaze flickered between Jensen and the floor, and Jensen realized that Jared was scared he would say no. A part of him did want to say no, to cut it off now before he got in too deep.   
  
"Thank you, I'd like that," he mumbled instead, unable to turn Jared down.  
  
His answer was greeted with a happy smile, and when Jensen saw those deep dimples directed at him, he knew he was already in too deep.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared felt like he was soaring. Jensen had agreed to lunch, Jensen had smiled at him. When he got to his first class, a big smile was still plastered on his face and Chad gave him a knowing look.   
  
"I take it it went well? The whole asking Jensen out thing," Chad said with a grin.   
  
"Shut up, I didn't 'ask him out,' you jerk," Jared said, still smiling. "I just asked him to join me, us, for lunch."  
  
"Jared, you should know that I kinda talked to the others," Chad said in a low voice.   
  
Jared frowned at that, looking over at Chad perplexedly.   
  
"About Jensen, I mean," Chad went on. "And we all decided that if he's gonna be your friend, he needs to be ours too."  
  
Jared could feel his jaw drop as he stared at Chad. Could these people he had only known for a few days be that wonderful? Jared thought he must be the luckiest boy alive: He had the best friends ever and Jensen would have lunch with him.   
  
"Really? I mean, you'll...be on my side? His side?"  
  
"Yeah, about that. We kinda already started." Chad grinned. "Sophia and Misha made a point of actually saying hi to him yesterday, and of not calling him Jenny. I know it isn't much, but...I think that it's all the poor boy could take."  
  
Jared chuckled at that, he was pretty sure Chad was right. Any more than that would probably have had Jensen running and Jared really wanted Jensen to be done with the whole running away thing. Something inside him felt warm at the thought of his friends trying like this, for him and for Jensen.   
  
"Thanks Chad," he said softly.  
  
"Look, we aren't only doing it for you," Chad said as a flush crept up his face. "We agreed that we've been idiots, we should've said something, done something. This is too little, too late, but hell, we're trying."  
  


~*~

  
When Jared got close to the cafeteria at lunchtime, he felt something unpleasant curl in his belly. He knew that it was a big thing for Jensen to join him for lunch and he really hoped Jensen would be okay with his friends. Jared hadn't even thought about his friends when he asked Jensen to join him, but apparently, they wanted to be a part of it all.  
  
Jared stopped outside the doors, nodding for Chad to get inside while he waited for Jensen. He couldn't help but wonder if Jensen would actually show up and honestly? He wouldn't be surprised if Jensen stood him up.   
  
Then Jensen was right there, right in front of him, and Jared felt elated. Until he saw the look in Jensen's eyes, the heartbreaking fear and guilt.  
  
"I...can't," Jensen whispered with a look into the cafeteria. "No good can come of this, and...I can't take anymore shit."   
  
And with that he turned and walked away as quickly as he had arrived.   
  
Jared stared after him; a big part of him had expected this outcome, but it still stung a little. With a sigh, he turned around and walked into the cafeteria to join his friends.  
  
Sitting down at the table, he saw them look around for Jensen. Jared gave a small shake of the head and he knew they understood.  
  
"He didn't show," Chad said in a low voice.  
  
"He did," Jared said. "Then he said no good could come of this, and that...that he couldn't take more shit."   
  
Jared's voice broke a little as he repeated Jensen's words.   
  
"At least he told you to your face," Misha said. "For him? That's probably a big thing to do. You knew it wouldn't be easy, Jay. Question, though: is it worth it?"  
  
Jared's head flew up and he was just about to snap something when he saw the soft concern written on Misha's face. He knew his friends were just looking out for him.  
  
"He's worth it," he said with conviction.   
  
"Well then," Misha said with a nod. "Where do we go from here?"  
  


~*~

  
That evening, after Jared finished his homework, he poured himself a glass of lemonade and settled in for some quality TV time. As usual, he couldn't push thoughts of Jensen away, not really.  
  
His mom came and joined him on the sofa and for awhile they sat in silence, watching teenagers sing in front of a jury, sharing smiles and eye rolls at Simon Powell's snarky remarks.   
  
"So, Jared," his mother started, lowering the volume on the TV. "Are you gonna tell me about it?"  
  
Jared gave her a guilty look. He should have known she would notice that something was up, but he really didn't know how to bring up what that something was, what he dared to share.   
  
"Sweetie," Sherri said with a worried tone. "Are you getting problems because of..."  
  
Her voice drifted off as she reached out and touched the bracelet Sandy had given him.  
  
"Oh no, Mom," he reassured her quickly. "Really, there haven't been any problems...about that."  
  
His mom frowned a bit at the half-second pause; he knew she would catch it and he expected her to pull the story from him one way or another. She didn't disappoint.   
  
"Jared, talk to me. I can tell that there's some kind of problem here. Is it about a boy?"  
  
Jared wondered if perhaps his mom had been talking with Sandy. Or maybe she just knew him that well. Or maybe, just maybe, he was that fucking obvious. He sighed a bit.   
  
"His name is Jensen," he admitted. "But it isn't like that."  
  
"Then what is it like? We haven't been here long, but I swear, you've changed. You've matured."  
  
Jared raised an eyebrow at his mom and couldn't help the smirk on his face.   
  
"Cause I was so immature before?"  
  
"What have I told you about being a smartass? And don't change the subject."   
  
Jared took a deep breath and started talking, pouring all his worries out for his mother. The talking helped, his mom hugging him helped even more. She offered to help, to talk to someone, but Jared knew that was a bad idea. It was the grownup solution to talk to teachers, to Principal Singer, but Jared knew it would only make the kids hate Jensen even more.   
  
"Mom, I wanna help him," Jared sighed, running one hand through his shaggy hair. "But not in that way. I can't do anything that might hurt him more."  
  
Sherri nodded, pulled him close and wrapped her arms around him as they returned to watching the TV in silence.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
It's for the best. That was what Jensen kept telling himself time and time again as afternoon turned to evening, evening to night.   
As usual, his parents didn't notice that anything was wrong, and Mack didn't look up from her phone long enough to even say hi. Jensen felt so lonely, worse than usual because he had been stupid enough to let himself hope.   
  
A small voice inside him told him that he had made the wrong choice, but Jensen refused to listen to it. At first he had thought he could do it, but when he stood with Jared outside the cafeteria, something inside him had closed up and he had done the only thing he could do to protect himself: Locked all hope inside and fled. Because Jensen knew, on some deep level, that if he let Jared in and it went bad...that would be it. Jensen would be done.   
  


~*~

  
Over the next few days, Jared never pushed him, but Jensen could feel the tall boy watching him even though he was too scared to look back. Jensen had raised his walls higher than they had ever been, but it didn't feel like they helped the way they used to. Jared was already under his skin and it scared Jensen half to death.   
  
And then there was the other weirdness. Whenever one of Jared's friends passed by him, they gave a small 'hey Jensen' or at least a friendly smile. It should have been nice, should have been comforting, but it made him feel awkward in his own skin. The torment, he had gotten used to, most of it didn't penetrate deep any more. Sure it hurt, but it was more of a bruise than an open wound. Or at least it used to be before he found out about Tom and Justin. Since then, it had become a wound again. And then came something new: Friendliness. It hit him deeper than the torment and his walls had been rendered useless. Jensen couldn't really focus on school, too many feelings and emotions and fears crowding his mind.  
  


~*~

  
When the weekend arrived, Jensen welcomed it more than he had ever done before, hoping for the days off to make sense of the thoughts spinning inside his head.   
  
A year ago, he would have spent hours in the bookstore, but Jensen hadn't been there since the breakup with Justin. It wasn't his safe haven anymore. Instead he had turned his room into a safe haven, a fortress. His family seldom stepped over the threshold and that fit him perfectly.  
  
It had been his summer project, turning the room into an extention of himself. The walls were painted a rich shade of green, and sometimes he closed his eyes and imagined that it was the green of a forest instead of just a few buckets of paint from the hardware store. His bookshelves covered an entire wall and were cramped full of his treasured books. Koontz and Eddings, Rice and Rowling, Ellis and Adams, they all offered him an escape from reality that was more than welcome. Jensen tossed a guilty look at one corner; maybe he should hide his Twilight books out of sight? But then, no one came in here, this was not a place for shame.  
  
He put together a playlist on his computer and then crawled up on his bed, legs crossed and Dean Koontz's Breathless on his lap.   
  
That was how his mother found him when she knocked on his door some thirty minutes later.  
  
"Jensen, we're heading out now, Mack is coming along. We should be back around eight," she said when she pushed the door open.   
  
"Okay Mom," Jensen mumbled, barely taking his eyes from the book.   
  
Part of him was happy he didn't have to come on the family outing, part sad that they hadn't even tried to convince him to join.   
  
"One of your friends is here, I'll send him in. You boys behave." With that, she was gone.   
  
Jensen couldn't understand, it didn't make sense. 'One of your friends,' she had never said those words before and Jensen wanted to flee but he couldn't. He was in his safe spot, but it didn't feel safe anymore. Jensen was frozen on his bed, terrified as he listened to footsteps coming closer and closer.  
  
"Hey Jensen."  
  
Jensen could feel his jaw drop as he saw Jared lean against the doorpost. His world felt like it was spinning out of control. Jared could not be there. Hecouldn't.   
  
"I figured we should talk," Jared went on and Jensen just stared at him. "You're avoiding me at school and I get it, I really do. But I'm not giving up that easily. So, here I am. It's just you and me, Jensen."  
  
And then he took a step forward, into Jensen's world.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared had almost thrown up out of nervousness while walking over to Jensen's house, wondering if he was doing the wrong thing, if he would scare Jensen away. But he was sure that Jensen would never open up to him at school.   
He wasn't sure how long he stood outside of Jensen's house, trying to calm his nerves down. When he finally gathered enough courage to knock on the door, he almost screamed when it was flung open before he could touch it. He was face to face with a woman who must have been Jensen's mother, if the green eyes were anything to go by.   
  
"Oh, hello there," she said, sounding surprised. "And who might you be?"  
  
"Hello ma'am, I'm Jared Padalecki. I'm a friend of Jensen's."  
  
"Well isn't that nice, we're heading out, I was just about to tell him. One moment."  
  
Jared felt a sinking feeling in his gut; he finally dared to go to Jensen's house and Jensen was leaving? Suddenly Jensen's mother reappeared.  
  
"He's in his room, down the corridor, last door to the left. Enjoy yourself."  
  
She walked past Jared who stood surprised at the doorstep, not daring to go inside. Then a girl bounced past him, barely noticing he was standing there, and behind her followed a man who stopped beside him.   
  
"I'm Alan, Jensen's father. Go inside, boy, I need to close the door here," he said with a smile.   
  
Jared found himself inside before he could really register what was happening, the door snapped shut behind him. He looked around the neat house before he walked down the corridor leading to Jensen's room. The door was open and he leaned against the doorpost.  
  
"Hey Jensen," he said, forcing his voice to sound calm.   
  
When he explained why he was there, he barely heard his own words, his heart was beating too fast and too hard in his chest, but Jensen was quiet and Jared willed himself to step into the room.  
  
It was then he really registered what Jensen looked like. He was more beautiful than Jared had ever seen him before, the green of the room only enhancing the already startling green of his eyes. But what really got to Jared was the look in those eyes. It was fear worse than he had ever seen before, and it broke Jared's heart to see Jensen like that, to think that he was somehow the cause of the fear. Maybe his coming here had all been one huge mistake?  
  
"You can't be here."  
  
The words almost exploded out of Jensen and as he clamped his hand over his mouth, Jared was sure he hadn't meant to speak. Jared wouldn't give up that easily; if Jensen told him outright to leave, he would, but not because Jensen panicked. Instead Jared sat down at the foot of the bed, causing Jensen to press back against the headboard as he tried to hide away. Jared sat quiet for a minute, watching Jensen, taking in how fragile he looked. Again Jared was struck by the urge to wrap his arms around Jensen, hug him until his worry melted away.   
  
"Do you really want me to leave, Jensen? Honestly?" he asked in a low voice.   
  
Jensen's eyes locked with Jared's and his lips were moving but no sound came out. Jared waited until he saw Jensen shake his head ever so slightly, a blush colouring his cheeks an adorable shade of pink, and Jared gave a small nod; that was all he could ask for this early. He would stay as long as Jensen let him. He knew Jensen was scared, that much was obvious, but he hadn't told Jared to leave. Jared looked around the room, trying to give Jensen time to get used to his presence. A small smile curved his lips as he took in the collection of books; he knew Jensen loved books. Over the last few days he had spent a lot of time watching Jensen read when the other boy wasn't aware he was being watched. But he hadn't realized how much alike their tastes were. Some part of him had expected Jensen to be all about Oates and Tolstoy, but instead he saw fantasy, horror, and science fiction lining the shelves. For some reason it made him happy, that little thing tying them together.   
  
And then something down in one corner caught his attention: Four embarrassingly familiar books, identical copies hidden in his own bedside table back home. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up inside him.   
  
"Twilight? I can't believe you read Stephenie Meyer!"  
  
Jensen jumped, startled by the booming laughter and the half-choked question. A deep blush turned his cheeks from pink to red and his eyes flickered between Jared and the books in question. And then, to Jared's amazement, he laughed. It was the best sound Jared had ever heard, a sound that he hoped to be able to cause time and time again. The laughter crinkled the corner of Jensen's eyes and Jared wanted to kiss him even more. He saved a mental image of Jensen looking like that, drained of tension, more relaxed than Jared had ever seen before. And the fact that Twilight was the reason? It made Jared laugh even more.  
  
"So," Jared giggled. "Are you on Team Edward or Team Jacob?"  
  
Jensen jumped off the bed and picked out one of the books, tossing it on the bed and sitting back down, closer to Jared this time. Jared looked down at the book and the red ribbon trailing down its cover.  
  
"I think I'm a part of Team Jasper. Does he have a team?" Jensen seemed surprised by his own bravado.   
  
"Well, as long as it's a vampire team I guess it's okay. Beside, the mind reading? That's kinda creepy," Jared said with a wide grin.   
  
Finally, he had gotten through to Jensen, and that over some really girly books that he would almost never admit to loving.   
  
"So you read them too?" Jensen asked shyly.   
  
"Yeah, I hide mine though, bedside table," Jared admitted. "They're my guilty pleasure."   
  
"Oh," Jensen said, a small drop to his shoulders. "I didn't see a reason to hide them. No one comes in here. Except you."  
  
Jensen bit his lower lip nervously and then looked up at Jared with uncertainty.  
  
"Why did you come here?" he whispered.  
  
"To get to know you," Jared answered without any hesitation.   
  
"Why, Jared?" Jensen asked, sudden heat in his voice. "Why do you care? Why do you want to be my friend? Of all the people at school you chose me when you got here? You got Murray and the gang already, so why me? What's so special with me?"  
  
Jared sat dumbfounded, stunned by the sheer amount of words suddenly pouring from Jensen until his mind started to make sense of the actual meaning of those words. And how to phrase it so that Jensen would understand? How could he explain that Jensen meant so much to him already, that he needed to get to know Jensen?  
  
"There was just...something," he started slowly. "That first day, I just knew. Right away, I saw you and I knew I wanted to get to know you."  
  
Jensen didn't understand. That much was obvious from the way the green of his eyes suddenly turned dull.   
  
"So, you saw me and you knew? Is it because I'm pretty, Jared?" He spat out the words, bitterness clear in his voice. "That must have been it, huh?"  
  
Jared thought Jensen was beyond pretty, Jensen was beautiful! But something in Jensen's voice told him not to admit that, not yet. Instead he gave a noncommittal shrug.   
  
"Guess you're pretty enough," he said without conviction. "But honestly, I'm way prettier than you, so don't flatter yourself. You're no Edward Cullen."  
  
Jensen's jaw dropped and Jared almost felt like patting himself on the back for a job well done. Instead he looked at Jensen with big, innocent eyes until the other boy gave a small, shaky smile. It wasn't much, but Jared felt like he had passed the first test.   
  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Of all the things to bond over, Jensen couldn't really understand how a mutual love of Twilight managed to break some of the tension between them. He had almost panicked when Jared started laughing at the books, but it hadn't been a mean laugh and for some reason that Jensen couldn't even explain to himself, it had triggered his own laugh.  
  
His copy of Eclipse was still on the bed between them and Jensen found himself stroking it with one finger as they sat in silence again. It should have been weird to sit there in silence with Jared, but for some reason it made him feel warm inside. The afternoon had been strange, nothing like he had imagined, and he really hadn't grasped yet that Jared was right there, in his room, on his bed. The thought freaked Jensen out just a little, but he pushed those thoughts back. Friends, that was why Jared was here. Friends. Jensen could do that. He hoped.   
  
As the afternoon stretched out, they didn't really speak of important things, mostly sharing their love for books (including some discussions about Twilightthat Jensen would deny till his dying day), but with Jared it felt right. Twilighthad become their thing. And that put a blush on Jensen's cheeks again; he and Jared had a thing.   
  
Jensen couldn't really relax; he tried to, but a gnawing worry was in the back of his mind the entire time and he hated it. Jared had shrugged off Jensen's accusation about his efforts to get to know him being all being about looks, but that didn't really comfort Jensen the way it should have. What other reason could Jared had for latching himself to Jensen that quickly?  
  
"What happens...on Monday?" Jensen dared to ask when afternoon had turned to dusk.   
  
"With us?" Jared asked. "That'll be up to you, Jensen. I promise I wont push you into anything. But if you want it, there'll be a spot for you at our table."  
  
"Jared, if you..." Jensen didn't really know how to explain it. "You can't be seen with me in school. The other kids, Jake and his friends..."  
  
"Yeah, Jake. Oh, the extent to which I don't care," Jared drawled.  
  
Jensen just stared at him. Jared didn't understand. It worked in Jensen's room, he didn't think it would but for some reason it did, having Jared there in his safe haven. It felt even safer than it ever had before. But at school? There was no safety at school, there was only Jensen and them. Only, now Jared was offering another option. Again.   
  
"I kinda have to go, dinner at home soon," Jared said and pushed off the bed. "Just, you know, think about it? We'll save you a spot and you can join whenever. See you at school, Jen."  
  
And then he was out of the room as suddenly as he had arrived, leaving Jensen to sit staring at the empty bed until he heard the front door close as Jared left. That was when the name Jared had mentioned actually penetrated Jensen's mind.  
  
'Jen.'  
  
No one had ever called him that before. Only 'Jenny.' He hated Jenny, but thinking about it, he decided he really liked 'Jen.'  
  
  


~*~


	5. Chapter 5

**~Jensen~**

  
Things hadn't changed at school, and at the same time it felt to Jensen as if everything had changed. Every lunch period, Jensen had seen the empty chair at Jared's table, had known it was for him if he wanted it. But Jensen was far from being ready for that. The afternoon spent in Jared's company felt surreal in the harsh light of his reality.  
  
Days passed and he knew when Jared watched him, could feel the other boy's eyes on him like beams of pure heat on his skin. Sometimes he dared to look back and the tiny smile that greeted him was enough to get him through the week, almost enough to make him ignore Jake and his friends. Almost, but not quite.   
  
The blow came Friday after school.   
  
Jensen closed his locker and slung his bag over his shoulder as he headed for the front entrance, wondering how the weekend would turn out. Dared to hope that maybe, just maybe, Jared would make another visit. He didn't really register his surroundings until he heard Jake call out.   
  
"Tom! Fucking hell man. Never though I'd see you back here!"  
  
Jensen froze mid step, didn't want to look but his eyes snapped up of their own accord. Tom stood leaning against a car, brown hair falling down in his eyes. His pose must have been carefully chosen to show off his body, his ankles crossed in a casual way as his hips jutted out from the side of the car. He was as beautiful as he had ever been in school, but to Jensen he was ugly. Then something clicked in Jensen's mind.  
  
The car.  
  
He knew that car, had been in it countless times. He knew how it smelled, knew that there would be a packet of Jila Mints in the glove compartment. Jensen also knew what it felt like to be sprawled on the backseat, clothes on the floor and soft blonde hair under his fingers as warm lips trailed down his body. It was Justin's car.   
  
As if on cue, Justin came around the side of the car and walked up to Tom, curling in under his arm and wrapping his own arm around Tom's waist, a big smile on his lips. Tom wrapped his arm around Justin's shoulder and the two made a stunning couple. Jensen felt nauseated.   
  
"Jake!" Tom called back. "We thought we should pick you up, me and Justin were thinking...bonfire! The others'll meet us down the beach."  
  
'Me and Justin.' The words were like a punch to the gut and Jensen would have given anything to be...anywhere that wasn't there. Anywhere as long as he didn't have to watch Tom and Justin. And he knew it was only a matter of time before they noticed him standing there.   
  
"Bonfire!" Jaked cheered. "You two rock!"  
  
It was friendship, it looked happy, it shouldn't be painful to watch. Jensen felt like his was shattering on the inside. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair that they should have that, that the people who made his life hell should have those easy, happy lives.  
  
And then Tom's eyes landed on Jensen and his beautiful face was marred by an evil smirk.   
  
"Well, look, it's Pretty Jenny," Tom said with a teasing leer, loud enough to make sure the words would carry to Jensen.   
  
Justin turned to Jensen, brown eyes locked with green, but there was nothing familiar in that look. A copy of Tom's smirk curled Justin's lips and Jensen could see the two pushing closer together, showing off their relationship. Something in the way they looked at him, in their body language, told Jensen a painful truth. Jake and the bonfire were only excuses; the two men were there because of Jensen, there to cause him more pain.  
  
"Hey Jenny," Justin said, eyes riveted on Jensen.  
  
Jensen wished he could have stopped his flinch, but those words from Justin were too painful, bringing him straight back to that last night they had spent together. He wondered what he had done wrong, what had made Justin change like he had, where the sweet man had gone and who this mean stranger was. The stranger who stood with Tom's arm around him. Jensen's mind couldn't really get past the fact that the two people who had hurt him most were both right there, together.  
  
"So what's with the hair, Jenny?" Justin asked. "You didn't look twink enough so you had to go that extra step? Blonde or not, you're still not worth the bother."  
  
Without thinking, Jensen lifted a hand to his hair; he had forgotten that Justin hadn't seen him since he changed it. Tom had, several times, and he could hear Tom in Justin's mean words.  
  
Jensen searched for words but nothing came to him, no smart remark, nothing to get him out of the hopeless situation he had found himself trapped in. Nothing until an arm snaked around his shoulders.  
  
"Come on, Jen, let's get going," Jared said, ignoring that Jensen tensed under his arm.   
  
Jared's arm around his shoulder, Jared touching him. Jensen couldn't understand what was happening, why Jared was there next to him. He saw Justin's eyes go wide with surprise and a quick glance at Tom showed the same. Jensen wondered how he himself looked—he thought a deer caught in headlights would fit, that was how he felt. And then Jared started walking, his arm still around Jensen's shoulder, forcing him to move along. Panic rose in Jensen as they walked closer to the three people at Justin's car but Jared was his life line and Jensen moved closer to him without thinking, without meaning to.   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared hadn't meant to do it, but when he heard the remarks from the two men, he couldn't not do something. He thought he had been good, giving Jensen some distance, some time to get used to things, too scared to set him off running again if Jared forced Jensen to change at school. But then he came out of the school and saw Jake, heard the other men's names—Tom and Justin—and finally had faces to go with them. Both beautiful, gorgeous men, but Jared could only see Jensen. The hurt came off the smaller boy in waves and Jared saw the way Jensen flinched when Tom called him 'Jenny.'   
  
He couldn't leave Jensen alone to deal with those two and without thinking, Jared broke off from Chad and Sophia, walked over to Jensen, and put his arm around him. Having Jensen that close was amazing, and Jared hoped it wouldn't ruin the fragile connection between them.  
  
Pulling Jensen forward was easier than he thought it would be, and as they got closer to Tom and Justin, he could feel Jensen melding himself to his side and Jared knew he was smiling widely. It might only be a show for the three people standing at the car, but Jared was enjoying having Jensen under his arm,touching Jensen.  
  
"Jared, I see you decided to try the merchandise after all," Jake said with a sneer, but Jared could hear the confused tone underlining it.   
  
Jensen tensed under his arm but Jared just kept walking them both along until they were past. Without turning back around, he said:  
  
"It's cute how obsessed you are with my sex life, Jake. I can write you a résumé some day."  
  
He could hear an angry gasp behind him, but just then Chad and Sophia caught up to them and Jake seemed to swallow down whatever he had been about to say as the four of them left the school behind.  
  
The second they got around the corner, Jared dropped his arm and turned to Jensen, but before he could say anything, Jensen had turned away, stumbling a few steps over to some bushes lining the walk to throw up.   
  
Chad looked between Jared and Jensen's hunched figure and took Sophia's hand.  
  
"We'll leave, we just wanted to make sure those idiots didn't do anything more; they usually don't if they're outnumbered. Fucking cowards."  
  
"Take care of him, Jay," Sophia said quietly before she and Chad walked off.   
  
Jared looked after them, thinking once again that he had the best friends possible, and then glanced over at Jensen, who was still retching pathetically. Jared could hear soft sobs in between heavy gasps for air.   
  
"Jen..." he started hesitantly. "I... Should I leave?"  
  
Jensen dry heaved a few more times before he managed to stand up, discretely wiping his mouth on his sleeve. He turned to Jared, a sparkle of tears in his green eyes.  
  
"No," he whispered.  
  
"I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to do, I didn't mean to...fuck..." Jared trailed off.   
  
"You didn't do anything, Jared," Jensen said, voice regaining strength. "Can we just get out of here?"  
  
Jared nodded and followed Jensen as he started walking in the direction of his home. They walked in silence at first until Jensen suddenly started talking.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Jared stopped dead in his tracks, staring at him.  
  
"Seriously? You're sorry? What do you have to be sorry about?"  
  
Jensen stopped as well but didn't look at Jared; instead his eyes were firmly locked on the tips of his shoes, and Jared could see a small tremor run through his body.   
  
"I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I understand if you don't want to..."  
  
Jared could feel Jensen pulling away from him again in the one step forward, two steps back routine that was starting to feel familiar. Sometimes he wondered if he could do enough for Jensen; the boy's self esteem seemed to be nonexistent.   
  
"Sorry to disappoint you, but I kinda do want to, as long as you wanna let me."  
  
Jensen looked up at him, surprise written clearly in his face. Then he nodded slightly and started walking with Jared by his side. Neither of them spoke again for the rest of the walk to Jensen's house; when Jensen unlocked the door, Jared stood outside, wondering what he should do until Jensen turned around and made a little nod for him to get inside. Jared moved fast before he had time to change his mind and soon found himself in Jensen's room again, the green colours soothing.  
  
"So...uhm...that's not your real hair colour, eh?" he asked, lacking anything real to talk about.   
  
Jensen dragged a hand through his soft blonde hair.  
  
"No. It's more like...light brown? Justin always said he liked my hair, so after..." Jensen blushed and looking away from Jared.  
  
"Oh," Jared said, understanding the unspoken explanation.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Jensen couldn't explain why he had brought Jared with him. He almost felt like throwing up again just thinking of Jared being there. Humiliation flared bright inside him at the thought that Jared had seen his reaction to seeing Tom and Justin. Jared and his friends. But none of them had said anything, they had just been there. For him. No one had been there for him before.   
  
In the mirror, Jensen looked at his blonde hair; he liked it. After Justin, he had needed to change, get rid of the parts of himself that Justin had claimed to love. His hair was longer now, and blonde, but he couldn't do anything about his lips or his hated freckles. He thought back to the scene outside the school, remembering how friendly his tormentors had seemed with one another. He wanted that, wanted friendship, and now he had brought Jared here, to his safe spot. It was the first time he had made a step forward and it felt big. It felt huge.  
  
"Your friends, thank them from me," Jensen said.  
  
"Chad and Sophia? Sure, but I kinda hope you'll talk to them soon." Jared smiled. "Not that I don't like having you to myself..."  
  
Jensen nodded a little. He knew that Jared wanted him to join him and his friends. But Jensen couldn't imagine sitting with them, talking to them. He couldn't explain it to Jared. Jared thought his friends were wonderful, but to Jensen they were still the people who had watched him suffer and done nothing, and he wasn't quite ready to forgive them yet.   
  
"What did you do to Tom for him to be such an ass?" Jared asked suddenly.  
  
Jensen gaped, staring at Jared. No one had asked before, no one had bothered to get his side of the story, and Jensen didn't know if he even wanted to explain or if he could explain. But it was Jared, and Jensen seemed to be breaking all his own laws when it came to Jared.   
  
"I said no," Jensen admitted.  
  
Jared just looked at him, hazel eyes wide with surprise.  
  
"You...said no?" he asked, incredulous. "All the shit at school is because you turned him down?"  
  
"He said...that he didn't even like me, but that he wanted to fuck me. 'For fun,' as he put it."  
  
The familiar blush burned his cheeks and he hated it, hated how easily his feelings showed on his face, hated that he was telling this to Jared. It wouldn't make a difference, but it made him feel weak that Jared knew. Jensen kept his eyes locked on the book that still lay on his bedside table. Eclipse. He liked to see it there, liked to think of Jared when he saw it. He wanted to reach out, stroke his fingers over the cover and go back to that afternoon when the talk had been innocent. Before Jared had seen him at his weakest, before Jared had started asking questions.  
  
It still felt new and raw to Jensen, having Jared there, but as the other boy had asked, he couldn't keep himself from answering.   
  
Jared didn't speak, didn't say anything about Jensen's reveal; instead he did something that freaked Jensen out more than any words could. He pulled Jensen into a hug, wrapping strong arms around him, and just held him still. Jensen could feel himself shake, but he couldn't pull away even though he felt panic trail along his spine.  
  
When Jared pulled back from the hug, he looked at Jensen for a long time before he stood up.   
  
"I'll leave now, Jen. But, Monday, please sit with us?"  
  
Jensen couldn't have answered even if he knew what to say, and Jared was out of the room before he could gather his thoughts. Clearly he hadn't expected an answer.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
The air was shimmering with sunshine as though the heat was alive, sparkling. The emerald green of the grass only magnified the sun's brightness. But for Jared, the beauty of the perfect summer day had nothing on the boy spread out in the grass. The green of the grass paled against the green of his eyes, looking at Jared through long eyelashes. The sunlight was wonderful, but what was most wonderful was the way it brought out the freckles on the boy's skin. Jared wanted to touch each and every one.  
  
Jared had found Jensen beautiful from the first time he had laid eyes on him but there, splayed out in the grass, he was more beautiful than he had ever been before. Jared thought he would be able to watch Jensen forever, the way the sun caressed his naked skin, making his freckles look like sparks of gold. Jensen looked up at Jared, eyes narrow slits under his heavy eyelids.  
  
"I want to touch you, Jen. Can I?" Jared asked, running his gaze over all that skin.   
  
"Yes..." Jensen whispered, voice low and pleading.   
  
Jare didn't hesitate. He put his hand on Jensen's bare chest, spreading his fingers wide, loving the contrast of his own tanned skin against Jensen's skin, so pale that it seemed almost transluscent in the sunlight. He let his other hand run up the length of Jensen's arm, feeling the boy shiver slightly under his touch. Brushing his fingers over Jensen's collarbone, he heard a small whimper and felt a smile stretch his lips. He dipped his fingertips in the hollow at Jensen's throat, feeling the strong pulse under his skin.  
  
Slowly, he ran his hands down, let his fingers run over the darker skin of Jensen's nipples, smiling wider as they went hard under his fingertips and he could hear the other boy's breathing change, turn erratic.  
  
As he ran his hands down Jensen's flat stomach, he could feel the muscles contract and he thought he could almost see electricity sparkle where their skin met, like a rippling effect. His hand stroked over the skin stretched taut over Jensen's hipbones and Jensen arched up into the soft touch, craving more.  
  
Jared wanted to taste Jensen, to feel that soft skin under his tongue, but most of all he wanted to taste his mouth. Jared wanted to know if his plush lips were as soft as they looked.   
  
And so he bent over, blocking out the shimmer of the sun as he pressed his lips against Jensen's. The second their lips met, Jensen went soft and pliant beneath him, lips melding with Jared's, and when Jensen's tongue curled around his, Jared thought he could taste summer and sweetness and something more beneath it, something deeper that left him dizzy as he pulled back to watch Jensen.   
  
He could barely see the green of Jensen's eyes, pupils blown wide with the same desire that coursed through Jared's body. Jared kissed Jensen again, licked his way into the boy's mouth, chasing that underlying taste. At the same time, he moved one hand from Jensen's hip, wrapping it around the boy's hard cock and relishing the way Jensen pressed up into the touch. Jared swallowed Jensen's moans as he started stroking.  
  
Kissing his way down Jensen's jaw, he left a trail down the stretch of Jensen's neck, smiling as Jensen bent his head to the side to allow him more access. He sucked at the tender skin, pulled blood to the surface and ran his tongue over the sensitive bruise he left. When Jensen trembled under him he stroked harder, thumb stroking the sensitive vein and fingers flicking up over the head, wetting his fingers with precome.  
  
Jensen whimpered and when Jared let one finger dip into the slit, the sound he made could only be described as keening; he arched up, wrapping one leg around Jared's waist.   
  
The moans and whimpers spilling from Jensen were the prettiest sounds Jared had ever heard. He loved that he could make Jensen sound like that. He pushed himself up on his free arm, looking down at the boy beneath him. Jensen's skin was flushed with arousal and his full lips were swollen from their kisses.  
  
When Jensen moved under him, Jared could tell that he was on the edge; Jared wanted to see him fall apart at the tips of his fingers. Jensen's eyes had drifted shut and soft whimpers escaped him.   
  
"Please...Jared...God...please..."  
  
Jensen didn't seem aware of the words that rolled off his tongue, rational thoughts replaced by raw need and lust. Jared thought for a second of dragging it out, but he wanted it probably as much as Jensen did. He twisted his hand as he stroked Jensen's hard cock, curling his fingers around the head, and Jensen came.  
  
His eyes flew open, locking with Jared's as pleasure crashed over him in wave after wave. Jared was transfixed by the way Jensen looked, eyes greener than he had ever seen them before, gold sparks in them matching the gold dusting of his freckles.  
  
Jared's hand, and Jensen's belly and chest, were spattered in white pearls of come and Jared bent over to...  
  


~*~

  
Jared was wide awake in a second, but it took much longer for the feel of the dream to slip away. As obsessed as he had been with Jensen, he hadn't made it into Jared's dreams before. Jared felt split in two; half of him wanted to return to the dream and the things he knew had been about to happen, but the other half was scared of seeing Jensen in person after that dream.  
  
He had offered Jensen friendship, but now that he had felt Jensen under his arm, knew what the boy felt like when he was pressed close to Jared's body, something seemed to have been triggered inside him. Jared didn't know how to act around Jensen, not when want flooded his veins.  
  
The thought kept turning in his head and he didn't know how long he had been thinking about the dream, but when he snapped out of it he realized that he was still rock hard. He wrapped one hand around his leaking cock and it only took a few stroked before he came hard enough for his vision to white out, Jensen's name on his lips.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Something was different when Jensen arrived at the first lesson that Monday. Jared was different. Jensen didn't know why he thought so, but he knew he was right. When Jensen walked into the classroom, Jared looked at him as he had every Monday so far, but then his eyes drifted away instead of holding Jensen's as long as possible.  
  
Chad sat next to Jared and Jensen saw him give his friend a puzzled look before he looked up and met Jensen's gaze. Jensen couldn't stop the familiar blush; instead he looked away and sank down at his desk, trying to make sense of the emotions that rushed through him. He knew Chad was still looking between him and Jared; apparently the other boy had noticed the wrongness as well.   
  
Jensen thought he should be happy; he had felt a bit uneasy about Jared watching him all the time. But now, when those hazel eyes weren't on him, he realized he missed them.  
  


~*~


	6. Chapter 6

**~Jensen~**

  
Jensen wasn't happy. He was never really happy, but now it felt worse than usual. He really wanted to walk up to Jared, to ask what had changed since Friday, but he knew he wouldn't. It wasn't a thing he dared to do; if he didn't ask, then at least Jared wouldn't turn him away. Really, Jensen didn't know why he was surprised that things were going south; after all, he had been expecting it from the first time Jared had spoken to him.  
  
But Jensen had begun to hope. The two times with Jared at his own place had changed things, or so he thought. But it had been two days since then and Jared had somehow pulled away from him, if it was possible to pull away from someone you didn't really speak to. He could feel it in the way Jared didn't look at him any more. Jared's friends were watching him more than ever, eyes moving between Jared and Jensen whenever they were in the same room, unspoken questions in the air.   
  
When Wednesday arrived, Jensen didn't even dare to look for Jared when he entered the cafeteria. He didn't want to see Jared not looking at him. Instead he went straight for the line and got himself a tray. It seemed to be pasta day, and school pasta wasn't anyone's favourite but it wasn't like he had a choice. He filled his plate and started heading over to the as usual abandoned small table in the corner. He hoped to make his way there without anyone really noticing him, but things seldom went the way Jensen wanted them to.     
  
"Jenny, where are you going? Don't you wanna sit with us?" Jake's voice leered behind him, making Jensen flinch.   
  
He wanted to keep walking, not to the table but out of the cafeteria, out of the school, out of his life. But Jake walked around him, coming into his line of sight, and Jensen forced himself to meet the other boy's hard eyes. From the corner of his eye he could see a few other boys join in, flanking Jake on either side.  
  
"Leave me alone, Jake," he gritted out.   
  
"Oh, baby, you break my heart," Jake spat out. "You really shouldn't take attitude with me, you know, your bodyguard and his friends aren't here. And Jenny, really, you thought anyone would actually want to be around you?"  
  
The words stung, because yes, for a little while he had thought that. Until the last few days, until things had changed. Jensen realized that Jake's words penetrated in a way they hadn't before, because as Jensen had started to hope, his walls had become softer, fragile. Every word was daggers now, like that first school day when Jake told him about Tom and Justin with such vicious glee.  
  
"Come on, pretty boy," Jake said, moving in closer. "If you only knew what things Justin tells, the stories he's got. Apparently, you were quite easy to get into bed... I guess you figured out that spreading your legs is all you're good for."  
  
Jensen squeezed his eyes shut, trying to control his breathing. Would Justin really have told Jake about their time together? About all the things that Jensen had told Justin, and only Justin? Panic started clawing its way up inside of Jensen.   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared had been a mess ever since that stupid dream ruined his equilibrium. Even Chad started to get annoyed with him, and that was saying something. After the first day, Chad had stopped asking what was wrong. Instead he just huffed whenever Jared turned his eyes away from Jensen. It was Wednesday and they were walking side by side to the cafeteria when Chad finally had enough.  
  
"Really, Jared. You're a fucking idiot!"  
  
"Shut up, Chad. Please."  
  
"No, I don't think I will. We all asked you time and time again if he was worth it, you said yes and now you...what? Changed your mind?"  
  
A low growl escaped Jared, but he also knew Chad was right. He was about to seriously fuck things up, but he had no idea how to fix them. How to be around the boy when all he wanted was to pull Jensen into his arms again, to find out if Jensen tasted as good as he had dreamed.   
  
"I want him," Jared admitted weakly.   
  
"Well, fucking duh!" Chad exclaimed. "Isn't that what this has all been about? You wanting to get Jensen as your BFF or something."  
  
Jared thought of letting it go at that, but it had been a confusing few days and he needed to tell someone.   
  
"No, Chad. I mean...I want him," he admitted. "And I can't do anything about it, it'd just scare him away."  
  
Chad looked at him for a second, face full of surprise, and then he took one step forward and hit Jared hard over the head. Jared just stared at his friend, trying to figure what that was about.  
  
"You stupid moron. You're afraid of scaring him away, so you avoid him? How is that supposed to not scare him away? I fucking know I've been an ass, but if you hurt him now, after these last few weeks, you'll be the biggest ass in the history of ever!"  
  
It surprised Jared, Chad being the voice of reason, but he knew that Chad was right. He had really known it all along, but having it spelled out for him made him realize it with painful clarity. His eyes snapped up, meeting Chad's, and from the look on his friend's face, Jared could tell that his worry was obivous.    
  
"Let's go find your boy. You'll figure it out somehow but right now, you need to repair whatever shit you've gotten yourself into."  
  
Jared could only nod and they hurried their steps into the cafeteria. The second he stepped inside, his eyes flickered across the room, searching for Jensen's familiar face. He froze in place when he saw him standing in the middle of the room.   
  
Jensen stood with his eyes closed, Jake in front of him with an evil smirk on his face. Jake's friends stood in a half circle around the boys and the rest of the cafeteria was hushed, people clearly listening in on whatever exchange was taking place, enjoying the show. Jared wanted to scream at them, ask them how they could just sit there and do nothing when Jensen clearly was in pain. Agony was written with crystal clarity across his beautiful face and even from a distance, Jared could see Jensen biting his lower lip nervously.   
  
"Jennyboy, it amazes me that you think there was ever more. Justin told us that..."  
  
Jared didn't want to hear more. He was moving before he even registered it, and he felt Chad's presence right behind him. In the corner of his eye he could see their other friends entering the cafeteria, stopping at the door, trying to understand what was happening.  
  
"Jake!" Jared's voice was like a whiplash and it made the other boy go quiet right away.   
  
Jensen's eyes opened and his lips parted in an 'o' as he saw Jared walking towards them. A storm of emotion crossed his face, fear and pain and hope and anger. Jared didn't dare think too much of it; his number one priority was to get Jake to shut up, to get him away from Jensen.   
  
"Oh look, it's the bodyguard," Jake drawled, taking a step back, closing ranks with his friends.  
  
Five of them, but Jared didn't even think about stepping away from whatever confrontation was about to take place. His priority was standing right there, looking up at him, and all Jared wanted to do was to get the pain to fade from those green eyes.    
  
"Oh shut up, Jake. I have only been here a few weeks and I already know what an ass you are, and what a coward you are."  
  
Jake's mouth fell open. Anger turned his face red and his grey eyes narrowed, all his focus turning from Jensen to Jared. Jared was happy about it. He wanted to be there, wanted to be the shield between Jake and the venom he spewed at Jensen.   
  
"What is it, Jake, are you hurt that Tom didn't want you? Is that why you're being such an ass? Are you jealous?"  
  
Jared didn't know where his words were coming from, but as Jake flinched ever so slightly, he thought he might have found the truth as to why Jake was so eager to torment Jensen. It almost made Jared laugh, it all seemed so absurd, so much anguish being passed around because of a few teenage boys' insecurities.  
  
"Fuck off, Padalecki," Jake spat out. "Who the hell do you think you are? Do you think anyone cares what you say? Do you think anyone cares about Jenny here?"  
  
"I care," Chad said with a steady voice, stepping up and standing right next to Jared.  
  
Both Jared and Jensen turned to look at him, Jared with a happy grin and Jensen with confusion and doubt.  
  
"You know what? I kinda care too," Misha called from the entrance as he made his way across to room to stand next to Chad.   
  
Sophia and her friend Danneel exchanged a quick look and joined in.   
  
"We care," they said together.  
  
Jensen's mouth was open in surprise; he couldn't believe what was happening. It didn't look like Jake could believe it either; his mouth opened and closed a few time before he spun around and left the room briskly, his friends close at his heels. Jared smiled at his friends, warm feeling spreading through his body when he realized what they had just done for Jensen. He turned to look at Jensen, standing immobile with his tray grasped tight enough for his knuckles to have turned white. Jared smiled a little and then he nodded at the table he and his friends usually occupied.   
  
"Hey, Jen," he said softly. "Wanna sit with us?"  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Jared's voice rang out in the cafeteria and Jensen didn't know if it was a good thing, or if his day had just turned even worse. Would Jared finally join Jake and the others?  
  
And then everything turned, twisted into something new. Jared was there for him, telling Jake off for him and Jensen couldn't really believe the scene playing out in front of him. It turned even more surreal when Jared's friends joined in, standing up for him as well. When Jake finally turned away without another word, Jensen could feel something inside him go soft and warm.  
  
"Wanna sit with us?"  
  
It was such an easy question, and at the same time the hardest question he had ever been asked. It was Jared, pushing him, at school, Jared asking him to not run away, and Jensen was scared. Then he looked up. When he met Jared's eyes, he could see hesitant hope there, and something he could only describe as...guilt?  
  
Jared's friends sat down at the table, careful to look at anything but Jared and Jensen in an apparent attempt to give the boys some privacy. It was pretty futile, considering the unusual hush of the cafeteria; the only sounds were low murmurs and the scrape of chairs against the linoleum floor when people fidgeted. Jensen knew he was still the center of attention and he felt like running, but looking at Jared, he couldn't. Whatever had caused the distance between them for the last few days had forced him to admit to himself that he needed Jared. And so he did the only thing he could do: He nodded and went to sit down with a group of people he didn't know, and a boy who meant too much to him.   
  


~*~

  
Jensen felt awkward sitting down at a table in the middle of the room. He usually kept to the corners, as far from everyone as he could be. Slowly, the buzz of the cafeteria picked back up and people stopped staring at him. At him and his...friends? It was the first time he had dared to think about it, the possibility that there might be more for him. Jensen had barely dared to hope when it came to Jared and now he had...whatever this was.  
  
He tried to focus on the conversation and found that, to his surprise, no one at the table was commenting on his presence. It seemed natural to them, even though it made Jensen want to crawl out of his own skin.  
  
"I'm just saying," Chad said around a mouthful of pasta. "I don't see what the big deal is."  
  
Misha's eyes shot daggers and he waved his fork at Chad in a way that was meant to be menacing but would have been more effective if he hadn't been dripping tomato sauce on the table.   
  
"That's because you're an ignorant idiot, Murray!" he retorted. "It's the best movie ever made! And it looks so fucking cool!"  
  
Sophia dropped her head down, her forehead hitting the table, and Jensen heard a mumble that sounded a lot like 'oh no, not again.'  
  
"Best movie ever?" Chad practically shrieked. "It's blue fucking aliens! It's the Smurfs meets Pocahontas meets ET, for fuck's sake!"  
  
Danneel looked over at Sophia and copied her movement.  
  
"The Smurfs? It's lucky you aren't as ugly as you are stupid!"  
  
Jensen felt like he was watching some really strange fencing match as the two boys waved their forks around to prove whatever point they were trying to make.   
  
"Is this a gay thing? I'm sure this is a gay thing!" Chad complained.   
  
"What, I like Avatar because I like to take it up the ass?"  
  
Misha looked offended and Jensen was happy he managed not to spray the table with the milk he had been drinking.   
  
"No," Chad said slowly. "You like Avatar because you're such a nancy boy. Oh, and because your taste sucks! Help me out here, guys!"  
  
Chad turned to Jared and Jensen with a pleading look in his eyes and Jared started laughing at the same time that Jensen felt a sudden urge to sink through the floor.   
  
"Not sure I want to, Chad, are you sure you don't want to ask someone straight?" Jared said between giggles. "So it's about taste and not 'a gay thing,' you know."  
  
Chad scowled at him, flipping him the finger as he turned to Jensen.   
  
"Jensen, what do you think of Avatar?"  
  
Jensen just stared at him, unable to finds words to answer the question. Chad was acting like it wasn't strange that he had talked to Jensen, like it wasn't strange that Jensen was sitting there. Everyone around the table was looking at him, waiting for an answer. And then Jared came to his rescue, again.   
  
"Chad, Jensen isn't all that straight either, you know. Try again, huh?"  
  
At first Chad scowled, but then he looked around the table and his face fell as he sighed melodramatically.   
  
"Fuck me... I'm surrounded by cock lovers!"  
  
When the others burst into loud laughter, Jensen couldn't help feeling a small smile curve his lips.   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared was happy. There was no other word that fit. He was happy.  
  
Jensen was sitting next to him, his friends were talking to Jensen and yes, that might freak Jensen out a bit, but it was still a step forward. He wasn't sure life could get any better. And most important, he hadn't fucked things up with Jensen. When he had talked to Chad, he had been terrified that he had lost Jensen, that the boy would retreat back into himself, but somehow he had salvaged their shaky friendship and Jensen was right there, right next to him. Smiling.   
  
He could feel Chad's eyes on him and when he looked over at his friend, Chad gave him a not-so-subtle thumbs up. Beside him, Jensen's eyes seemed to be glued to his food, but an adorable blush colored his cheeks pink and Jared knew that Jensen had probably seen the gesture as well.  
  
Once the Avatar discussion calmed down, Chad and the others finished eating unusually fast and got up to leave.   
  
"See you guys later," Sophia said, making it clear that she expected Jared to stay with Jensen.   
  
"Yeah, bye Jared...Jensen," Danneel said with a bright smile aimed at Jensen.   
  
"Subtle," Jensen muttered under his breath when it was only the two of them left.   
  
Jared looked over at him and saw that Jensen still had his head tilted down, watching Chad and the others leaving through his long eyelashes.  
  
"Yeah, subtlety isn't really their strongest character trait," Jared agreed.   
  
They both fell silent, picking at the remains of their food. Jared felt like he should apologize for the last few days, but he couldn't figure out how to do that without having to tell Jensen why he had pulled away and there was no way he was confessing to that.   
  
"So," he asked shyly, finally breaking the silence. "Do you like Avatar?"  
  
Jensen looked surprised at that, big green eyes meeting Jared's for a long time.   
  
"I dunno," he finally said. "I haven't seen it."  
  
"What?" Jared gasped, unable to understand how anyone could have managed not to see Avatar.   
  
"I don't go to the movies," Jensen said, lowering his gaze.   
  
Jared didn't need to ask why, not when Jensen's voice turned shaky and Jared could see him tremble. He understood right away. Jared would bet money that Jensen hadn't been to the movies since the breakup with Justin. Jared really wished he could find Justin right then to get even for all the pain he had put Jensen through, but instead he looked at Jensen and spoke without thinking.  
  
"It's out on DVD, you know. We could watch it this weekend?"  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
No. That was the first word that came to Jensen's mind, but he didn't speak it out loud. He just stared at Jared, mouth slack with surprise, and tried to understand why he hadn't said no yet. He should say no. Jared had been different, and then Jared had put distance between them. But then there was that other thing, that thing where Jared had been there for him, had stood up for him.  
  
"Okay." It was such a small word, but it took everything Jensen had to get it out.  
  
He thought it was worth it right away when Jared looked like Jensen had just given him the sun and the moon. Pure joy made his eyes shine and a huge smile made his dimples deeper than Jensen had ever seen them before.   
  
"Yeah, okay," Jensen said, more to himself than to Jared that time.   
  


~*~

  
The rest of the week was the start of something new for Jensen. Each lunch period, he sat with Jared at the table in the middle of the cafeteria. He didn't really speak, only a few whispered hellos, but he sat there all the same. He didn't really speak to Jared either, but it was comforting just to be near him. Other things had changed as well; since the scene in the cafeteria, he hadn't heard a single 'Jenny' being tossed after him, no one pushed him around in the corridors, and even Jake and his gang kept quiet around him. Jensen couldn't believe how much his life had changed.   
  
When Friday afternoon arrived, he felt some of his old fear and panic seep back into him, but he couldn't understand why. He had never feared weekends before; they were what got him through the hell that was the school week. Now suddenly the weekend seemed to tower over him, long and menacing. Then he spotted Jared across the crowded entrance hall and realization came to him: He wasn't afraid of the weekend, he was afraid of the movie night with Jared. Only, no, that wasn't quite it either. Something clicked in his head and he knew: He was afraid that Jared would have forgotten all about it. Jensen realized that he wanted to spend time with Jared, and that thought made fear claw viciously inside him. Without thinking about it, he did what he had always done. He turned around and walked away, towards his safe haven.  
  
If he left, Jared wouldn't have a chance to cancel, or to confirm that he had indeed forgotten about it. Jensen was almost across the parking lot when a voice rang out behind him.   
  
"Hey, Jen. Wait up!"  
  
Jensen knew the voice so well. Jared. Jensen stopped dead, belly a tight knot of fear. Jared skidded to a halt next to him, all smiles and dimples, brown hair falling into his eyes.   
  
"I wanted to talk to you about, y'know, the movie thing," Jared said happily.   
  
Jensen didn't get it. Why was Jared smiling when Jensen almost felt like throwing up?  
  
"Where you wanna do it, my place or yours?" Jared went on.   
  
It was only when the air rushed out of his lungs that Jensen realized that he had been holding his breath since he had first heard Jared's voice. He took a few gulps of air, trying to process what Jared had said.   
  
"Uhm..."  
  
"I think my place," Jared said, smile still wide on his face. "Cause I've seen your place already, and also, my family is off for the weekend so we would have the place to ourselves."  
  
Jared stopped talking, smile slowly fading as he looked at Jensen, apparently noticing that something was off.   
  
"Hey, you okay there, Jen?"  
  
"I...kinda..." Jensen mumbled.  
  
Jared raised an eyebrow and nodded in a 'go on' sort of way.   
  
"I figured, that you didn't want to. That you'd forgotten...or changed your mind." Jensen stumbled a bit on the words.   
  
"Wait...what?" Jared gaped at him.   
  
"It would...make sense," Jensen said, barely more than a whisper.   
  
"Uh, no?" Jared sighed with a fond little smile. "So...your place or mine?"  
  


~*~

  
Jensen didn't even look at the mirror before he left his house the following day. He knew what he looked like and he really didn't want to be reminded of it any more. Every look in the mirror was a too-painful reminder of the names called after him at school, of all the compliments Justin had poured over him during their time together. Jensen didn't need to think about that, not now that he was heading over to meet Jared.   
  
His parents had barely responded when he said he was going out, would be back late. It stung—no, it hurt like hell. He still wished they would someday open their eyes, see that something was wrong, that something was changing, but they only told him to be careful and then turned back to whatever discussion they had been having before he entered the room. He wished they would care enough to give him rules.  
  
When he arrived at Jared's street, he stopped, looking up at the old wooden houses lining the street. This whole 'having a friend' thing was still new enough to be raw and shaky, and the familiar urge to run nudged at him as he slowly started walking down the street. But Jensen wanted to walk that street, find that house, ring that bell. Of course, wanting it didn't mean he wasn't terrified. He found the right house, stopped at the base of the porch steps, and tried to get his racing heart to slow down. Then suddenly the door was flung open and Jared was standing there, a big smile on his face.  
  
"You came," he said softly.   
  
"Yeah, I guess I did," Jensen said, hearing the surprise in his own voice.   
  
Jared nodded for him to come inside and Jensen obliged, toeing off his shoes at the door and following Jared through a hallway and into the kitchen. Without speaking, Jared placed a big bowl of popcorn in Jensen's arm and grabbed a pitcher of lemonade, leading the way into the living room where the start menu of Avatar was already waiting on the TV.  
  
"Popcorn, lemonade, movie, you," Jared said. "I think we're all set."  
  


~*~


	7. Chapter 7

**~Jensen~**

  
It wasn't that Jensen didn't want to watch the movie. He really wanted to, and he tried to focus on the images flickering on the screen in front of them. He was thankful for the popcorn—it kept his nervous hands busy as he nibbled, one tiny bite at the time. Jared's presence at the other corner of the sofa was both grounding and terrifying and Jensen tried to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions surging through him.  
  
Jared kept quiet, but Jensen could feel it when his eyes drifted from the screen and landed on him instead. It happened more and more as the movie went on and each gaze made it even harder for Jensen to focus.  
  
From what he got of the movie, Jensen had to agree with Chad; it was all pretty enough, but Jensen knew from experience that looks weren't everything, and the movie didn't speak to him on any deeper level. When Jared tried to cover a yawn, Jensen couldn't help but smile.  
  
"So," he said, eyes fixed firmly on the screen. "If you don't like the movie, why did you want me to watch it?"  
  
Jared jumped a bit, looking over to Jensen with a shy smile.  
  
"Because you would watch it...with me," he admitted. "I like spending time with you."  
  
Jensen was sure he could hear more, something behind the spoken words, but he wasn't sure what it was. Something Jared was keeping from him and Jensen didn't dare to push for it. Things had been good, better since Wednesday and Jensen really didn't want to do anything to risk what fragile thing was between the two of them.  
  
"Oh" was all he said.  
  
They drifted back into silence, but Jared's eyes were on Jensen more times than not and Jensen was aware of the looks every single time, could feel them like physical touches.  
  
When the movie came to an end, they sat in silence, neither of them even trying to discuss what they had seen. Jensen reached out for the popcorn bowl, only a few leftover pieces at the bottom, at the same time as Jared and when their fingers met, Jensen could feel the electricity between them like a shot of lightning that made every nerve ending on his body painfully aware of Jared's presence.  
  
Jared pulled his hand back fast as though the touch had burned him. His hazel eyes were fixed on Jensen's face and Jensen knew the look in those eyes. He had seen it before in other eyes, that night with Tom and oh so many nights with Justin. It was raw lust and it was directed straight at him.  
  
No. No no no, this could not be happening. Jensen was on his feet before he could think about it, gasping for air and trying to ignore the way his body still seemed to tune into Jared.  
  
"Jen...I'm...shit. I didn't mean to..." Jared got to his feet as well, taking a step closer to Jensen.  
  
And Jensen, he couldn't do that. In his mind, the events of the last night with Justin were on replay, mixed in with Tom's words: 'I kinda wanna fuck you...for fun.' It felt like history repeating itself all over again, but this was Jared. Jensen's mind tried to pull away; he could feel something clench around his chest, making it hard to breathe.  
  
"You..." He had to force the words out. "This was why? To get into my pants?"  
  
"No, Jen! Please let me explain!"  
  
Jensen found his voice then, words spilling out of him angry and hard.  
  
"Explain what? That you're just like the rest? I asked you if it was all about my looks and you said no! You wanna fuck me, Jared? That's it? Do this whole knight in shining armor shit just to get me to spread for you?"  
  
Jensen knew he was crying and he didn't even care, he was too hurt and too angry. He could see Jared flinch at the words and he didn't care about that, either.  
  
"Do you agree with Jake, Jared? That it's all I'm good for?"  
  
Jared took a step back like Jensen had pushed him, and where Jensen had expected to see guilt, he only saw hurt.  
  
"No, Jen," Jared said softly. "I would never..."  
  
But Jensen didn't want to listen, didn't want to hear explanations. He only wanted to get away, return to his own room and fight to build his walls up again.  
  
"Fuck you, Jared. Fuck you for making me believe in you."  
  
He turned and ran out of the room, almost tripping in his haste to get his shoes on, and he was out of the house before Jared could catch up with him. Tears were obstructing his vision as he ran all the way to his own house, to his own room, and all he could think of was Jared.   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

Jared stood frozen on the spot, trying to understand how everything could go so wrong in a matter of mere seconds. It had all gone so well until their hands had touched and everything spun out of control. He hadn't planned to say anything to Jensen, to show anything. Friendship would be good enough for as long as Jensen needed it. But then they touched and that simple brush of skin on skin had been enough to make want claw its way up inside of him, and Jensen had met his eyes before he had any chance to conceal it.  
  
He had known Jensen's reaction would be bad, but it had been even worse than he had thought. The broken and betrayed look on Jensen's face was something Jared would never forget. Jared would have given anything to turn back time, to not reach out for the popcorn, to not have Jensen see his true feelings. He heard the front door slam shut and the sound felt like an ending.  
  
Jared didn't know how long he stood there, staring at the spot where Jensen had been standing. When he was finally able to move again, he had his phone in hand within seconds.  
  
"Chad, I fucked up."  
  


~*~

"He actually compared you to Tom and the others?"  
  
"Yeah," Jared sighed defeatedly.  
  
"Shit." Chad sunk down on the sofa. "But you didn't say anything, so really you didn't..."  
  
"Chad, I didn't need to. He knew. I couldn't stop it from showing. And he freaked out, I knew he would, but...fuck, Chad, it was bad."  
  
"I don't know how to fix this, Jay," Chad said. "Sounds like he's made up his mind, and he was hard enough to get through to before. He'll be fucking Fort Knox now."  
  
"I feel terrible, Chad. I feel bad for wanting him and I feel bad for feeling bad. How can liking someone be bad? It shouldn't be bad."  
  
Chad looked at him for a long time, blue eyes full of concern. Jared felt grateful that he had found a friend like him.  
  
"Right now, I think the boy needs some time and space. Can you give him that?"  
  
Jared nodded. He knew he needed to back off. This was not the time to push, but just the thought of backing away from Jensen hurt. The thought of leaving him all alone.  
  


~*~

Jared's weekend was spent agonizing, alternating between calling Chad and calling Sandy, both of them trying to comfort him but neither able to tell him how to solve the mess he had put himself in.   
  
Monday arrived and Jared was scared to get to his first class, the one class each week he shared with Jensen. Only, Jensen wasn't there.  
  
Jared didn't see him all day and when 3:15 finally arrived, he was very close to freaking out. Jensen had been there every day, even after the messed-up scene with Jake that first day. But now, he wasn't.  
  
"You can't!" Chad told him. "I am sorry, I know you're upset but no, Jared, I will not let you go to him!"  
  
"I need to know if he's..."  
  
"Okay? Honestly Jared, I'm sure he's pretty fucking far from okay. But he'll be even less okay if you show up there now."  
  
Jared knew he friend was right, but that didn't mean he liked it one bit. What he wanted was to go over to Jensen's place, walk into that green room and wrap the boy into his arm. It wasn't a sexual thing, he just wanted to hold him, to comfort him and be his friend. He still wanted Jensen, there was no denying the electricity between them; he knew that Jensen had felt it too. But how could he explain to Jensen that it wasn't all about his looks? That Jared liked him, liked Jensen. And yes, with Jensen came big green eyes, wonderful freckles, full pink lips, and a wonderful body, but there also came a shy personality, wonderful taste in books, and a quiet humour.   
  
He remembered Sandy's words from a few weeks ago: 'You're already falling in love?' Back then he had denied it, found the thought silly, but now, if she were to ask again, he would have to say yes.  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

He couldn't go to school, couldn't sit in that first class with Jared just feet away from him. He didn't know which would be worse, Jared looking at him or Jared not looking at him.  
  
And Jared's friends. Now that Jensen knew what it had all been about, why would they be pretending anymore? And that meant that Jensen would be alone again. Back to walking the halls alone, probably back to being tripped and being called 'Jenny' all over again. This time around it would be even worse, now that Jensen knew what it was like to not have that. For a few short days, he had been...as happy as he could be at the dreaded school. The thought of going back to all that torture and ridicule was mind numbing.  
  
When he told his mother that he wasn't feeling well, she merely nodded, told him to take care and made a call to the school. It was fast and smooth and it made his pain even worse. Part of him wished she would have doubted him, would have cared enough to ask what was up, but he had long ago gotten used to being the invisible child.  
  
Once he was alone in the house, he loaded up his Snow Patrol playlist and lay back on his bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling as he tried to figure out where to go from here. How to get past the last few weeks. He wished Jared Padalecki had never entered his life, had stayed in Texas where his smile and accompanying dimples wouldn't have gotten under Jensen's skin, where he wouldn't be able to burst into Jensen's life and make him hope.  
  
Jensen felt so stupid for ever believing that he could have something close to friendship, for thinking that someone might actually want him. It was Justin all over again, the slow sweetness and the crippling pain.  
  
As he looked over to his bedside table, he saw Eclipse lying there and new waves of pain washed over him as he remembered that afternoon spent with Jared, the hesitant, hopeful discussions about things that didn't mean anything yet meant everything to Jensen. Without a second thought, he reached out, grabbed the book, and started slowly pulling the pages out, shredding them to small pieces on top of his bed.  
  
He didn't stop until all he had left in his hands was the empty book cover, a mountain of shredded paper covering his legs. With shaking hands, he brushed the pieces of paper down on the floor and started crying uncontrollably. Jensen's books were his life, his love, and he had just destroyed one. He felt worse than ever.  
  


~*~

On Tuesday, his mother did frown a little when he claimed to be sick yet again, but she called it in without commenting and Jensen really thought he could feel another piece of himself break.   
  
When he was, yet again, alone in the house, he went up and moved into his parents' en-suite bathroom. In the vanity unit, he found what he was looking for: A small bottle of Valium that his mother always kept but never used. He didn't stop to think about it, just poured some pills into his hand and returned to his room. Sitting cross-legged on the his bed, he looked at the pills for a long time before he took one of them, put it on his tongue and swallowed; the leftover ones he hid in his drawer. He lay back on bed, waiting for the little blue pill to numb the pain.   
  


~*~

  
Come Wednesday, he didn't try to claim to be sick. He couldn't take being in his room one more day and he couldn't take the lack of care from his parents. Instead he packed his school bag and, to be on the safe side, added a few of the blue pills to his pocket before he left home. When he stood outside the school, he could feel crippling pain and fear wash over him again and he swallowed down a pill before moving forward to face whatever lay ahead.  
  
It wasn't long before he was grateful for the pills in his pocket. People seemed to automatically know that something had changed and within minutes of his entering the front doors, the first 'Hey Pretty Jenny' was sneered after him. Things seemed to be back to normal, back to painful. It was like those few easy days had never happened at all. Jensen wasn't surprised when he saw Jake leaning against a wall, eyes firmly fixed on Jensen. Of course he would run into Jake right away.  
  
"So Jenny, did your bodyguard get tired of you already? Guess you're as bad a lay as they say if you scare them off that fast."  
  
The hard words penetrated the calm the pill had bestowed and Jensen gasped as new, fresh pain stabbed at him. Jake always seemed to know how to hurt him the most, to be able to read each weakness.   
  
"Oh, and Jennyboy, I do not like being made a fool of in front of the entire cafeteria. I will get you for that."  
  
Jake and his friends turned their backs to Jensen and walked away and the second he was alone in the corridor, Jensen's hand went down into his pocket and he put another pill in his mouth, trying to drown the feelings fighting their way up inside of him.  
  


~*~

  
Jensen barely knew how got through the rest of the week. It was all a blur of pain and trying to not be aware of Jared all the time. But he was, he could still feel the other boy's eyes on him from time to time. He never dared to look back. He had seen Jared closing in one time and frozen with panic, but before the boy had gotten too close, Jensen had seen Chad stop him and the two had walked off again. It had been such a relief, and such a disappointment.   
  
Whenever the pain got to be too much to bear, he reached down into his pocket and picked out another pill, trying to will all the emotions to go away. No matter how many pills he took, he could still feel. He couldn't get past feeling.   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong and Jared didn't know what it was. At first he had been so relieved to see Jensen back in school, but the more he watched Jensen, the more he could see that something was off, something had changed. He had seen Jensen change, had seen him walk straighter, seen him stop bowing his head down all the time, and he had been so happy to be part of the reason for that change. And now all that progress was gone. But there was something more there; the few times Jared had seen Jensen's face, he could see that his eyes seemed dull, void of emotions, in a way they had never been before.  
  
An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach as he watched Jensen out of the corner of his eye.  
  
Every day at lunch, he looked for Jensen, but not once did he see him in the cafeteria and once again, he got the feeling that something was wrong. Even with all the crap people had given him before, he had always been in the cafeteria; his nose was always hidden in a book, but he was always there. But this new version of Jensen avoided the place. Or rather, avoided Jared.   
  
"Is it just me or did he seem...different?" Sophia asked, breaking through his thoughts.  
  
"Not just you," Danneel agreed.   
  
"Even I noticed something," Chad said, nodding. "I've never seen him that...broken."  
  
"Jay, we need to fix him," Misha said. "I got no idea how, but we have to find a way."  
  


~*~

  
When two weeks had passed since the fatal movie night, Jared couldn't take any more and when the last lesson of Friday afternoon ended, he went looking for Jensen. Chad could slap him all he wanted, but Jared needed to talk to Jensen, needed to do whatever it took to help him.  
  
He was just at the entrance to the corridor where Jensen's locker was—he could see Jensen standing at it, throwing something in the locker and then closing it. Jared was just about to walk up to him when someone took hold of his arm. As he stopped in tracks, Misha stepped in front of him, a worried look on his face.   
  
"No, Jared," he said softly. "Not at school... The last time you tried to approach him he froze up, you can't do that to him again."  
  
Jared sighed and looked over Misha's shoulder. Jensen took something out of his pocket and put it in his mouth, swallowing with his eyes closed before he walked away. If Jared hadn't been watching Jensen so intently, he might have missed it, but as it was he saw something fall from Jensen's pocket. Something small that rolled under a bench without Jensen noticing.  
  
Jared shook off Misha's hand and started down the corridor Jensen had just left.   
  
"Don't worry, I won't. But he dropped something," Jared said as Misha opened his mouth to protest.   
  
Kneeling down on the dirty floor next to bench, he tried to see what it could have been. He almost missed it but then he saw it: A tiny blue pill resting next to the bench leg, a small V impressed in the middle of it. Jared felt his insides cramp painfully with fear as he reached out and took up the pill. Standing up, he held his hand out to Misha without a word. Misha looked down and saw the pill in the middle of Jared's hand. He looked up, scared, and his eyes flickered between Jared and the door Jensen had left by.  
  
"Fuck..."  
  


~*~

  
The next day, Jared was sitting on the porch when Chad's car stopped outside his house, Chad almost stumbling out in his rush to get to Jared.   
  
"We need to go, now!" Chad gasped out.   
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Because Misha talked to Sophia, who talked to Maya, and Maya..."  
  
"Chad, please. Get the point."  
  
"Someone heard Jake say that they ran in to Jensen earlier today...and when I say 'ran in to' I mean the asses turned up at his house. Apparently they found out that his parents and his sister were gone for the weekend so they...well. You can figure out the rest. Will you get the fuck into the car right the fuck now?"  
  
Jared moved without thinking, the little pill still in his pocket feeling like it was burning straight through the denim and bile rising in his throat. Just the thought of Jake and his gang actually going so far as to torment Jensen in his own house...and for them to do it now, when Jensen was more vulnerable than ever. And Jared thought, knew, that Jensen was very close to breaking completely.  
  
"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Get me there, Chad," he begged.  
  
Chad had the car moving before they had even closed the doors completely and Jared was grateful for his friend being there.  
  
"If anything happens to him...if he does anything stupid... Chad, I would never forgive myself," Jared almost sobbed as the car took a corner at too-high speed.   
  
"This is not your fault. It's not your fault he can't handle someone feeling for him, this is all on Tom and Justin and fucking Jake. If it weren't for them..."  
  
Jared knew Chad was right, but that didn't stop him from blaming himself. He wished he had never fallen for Jensen; maybe then things wouldn't have gone so badly wrong. Maybe then he wouldn't have hurt Jensen, done the one thing he had promised himself, promised his friends, that he would never do.  
  
When the car turned into Jensen's street, Jared already had his hands on the door and he was out before Chad had come to a full stop.  
  
"Jay," Chad called out. "Call me if you need me, I don't think I should go in there right now."   
  
Jared waved at him and ran up the path to the front door, finger on the doorbell before he could think about it. He heard the happy chime inside the house. When the sound died away, Jared stood waiting, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He hit the doorbell again, longer this time, and then he could see movement on the other side of the frosted window of the door. Jensen opened the door and just stared at Jared for a few long seconds, face going pale and the green eyes full of pain.   
  
"No..." he whispered, stepping back from Jared.   
  
"I know you don't wanna see me, but I... Please, Jensen. Hear me out."  
  
"No, no, no," Jensen repeated, stumbling backwards.   
  
Jared hesitated for a second but then he took a step inside, closing the door behind him.   
  
"Jen, I swear, I'm nothing like them. I need you to know that. I'm so sorry for..."  
  
Jared stopped talking as he took in Jensen's appearance. His eyes were glazed over and as he stepped back from Jared again, he swayed and had to grasp the wall to keep himself upright. Fear rippled through Jared.  
  
"Jen...how many pills have you taken?"  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Jensen tried to will his mind to make sense of what was happening. How could Jared be there? In his house? How could it hurt so much to see him there? The pills were supposed to help. He put one hand down into his pocket but he had no pills left. He turned his back towards Jared, stumbling down the hallway to his room and the rest of his stash.  
  
"No, Jen! How many pills? C'mon!"  
  
Jared's hand was on Jensen's shoulder, preventing him from moving, and the pain was overwhelming. Jared shouldn't be seeing him like this, shouldn't know. Jensen couldn't understand how Jared knew. No one was supposed to know.  
  
"Go away, Jared," Jensen said. He couldn't understand why the words were so slurred when they came out.   
  
"No, I'm not leaving you! I thought I was doing the right thing, giving you some time, but..."  
  
Jared's voice sounded broken, like he was close to crying, and Jensen tried to figure out whey he would be crying. What did perfect Jared had to cry about? Jensen tried to pull away from Jared and lost his balance. He tumbled into his own room and fell down beside the bed. His knees slammed hard to the floor, but Jensen didn't really register the pain as he tried to crawl over to the bedside table.   
  
"Shit, Jen, are you okay? What are you... No!"  
  
Jared grabbed his wrist hard and pulled him back and Jensen couldn't really muster strength enough to fight back. He slumped against Jared's chest and started crying weakly. For a few seconds Jared was still, but then Jensen could feel strong arms wrap around him as Jared pulled him even closer.   
  
"Oh, Jen. I am so sorry, so sorry I ever hurt you," Jared mumbled. "I never meant to. I care so much about you."  
  
Jensen could hear the words, could feel Jared's breath against his hair, and it made him cry even more. He needed something to numb the pain, but he couldn't reach his small blue saviours; instead he pushed into Jared's embrace, wrapped his arms around Jared and cried against his shoulder. Jared's hand stroked calming circles on his back as he still whispered into Jensen's hair.   
  
"I'm here now, I won't leave you. I'll make you believe me, I'll show you that I care, Jen. Won't let you go."  
  


~*~


	8. Chapter 8

**~Jared~**

  
Jared felt like something inside him was cracking, breaking as he held a crying Jensen in his arms. The smaller boy clung to him as if he was a life preserver, and Jared thought that maybe he was. He didn't know how long they sat there, wrapped around each other, but finally the painfully hard crying started to ease and Jensen stopped shaking. Small hiccoughing sobs still broke from him but it seemed that the worst was over, for the time being.   
  
When Jared pulled back a bit to look at Jensen, he could see his eyes starting to drift shut, his breathing evening out.  
  
"Hey there, let's get you to bed," Jared said softly.  
  
Jensen mumbled something but didn't move, slumping heavier against Jared. It took Jared a few minutes to realize that he had passed out. He almost panicked, but as he looked at Jensen, he saw that while the sleep might have been drug-induced, it was still only sleep.   
  
He looked up at the bed and then down at Jensen. He carefully untangled himself and lifted Jensen up in his arms; it wasn't the easiest thing to do, but he couldn't leave Jensen on the floor. After putting the boy on the bed, he was stunned by how fragile Jensen looked. Despite the intensity of the California sun, he was quite pale and in the dimmed light of the room, his skin looked almost translucent, his freckles more visible than ever.  
  
Jared took a blanket from the foot of the bed and draped it over Jensen. He stood looking at him, thoughts whirling around in his head.   
  
Jensen had been reaching for the bedside table when Jared had stopped him and Jared was pretty sure he knew why; when he opened the drawer, he wasn't surprised to see small blue pills on the bottom, but the sight still made his gut clench. He gathered up the pills, making sure to get every single one, and walked across the hall to the bathroom. Without hesitation, he dropped them into the toilet and flushed them all away.   
  
As he watched the pills swirl down the drain, Jared felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, Chad's name on the screen as he took it up.   
  
-You OK? He OK?-  
  
Jared looked at the text and then back into Jensen's room as he tried to figure out how to answer. He was sure that Jensen was far from okay, but on the other hand, he thought that just maybe he could be now. And most important, he hadn't overdosed on pills as Jared had feared he would, as he probably would have if Jared hadn't arrived.   
  
-He's sleeping. Don't know yet. Hope so.-  
  
Jared walked back into Jensen's room and pulled the blinds fully closed before he sat down in a big armchair in the corner. A soft smile curled his lips up as his fingers moved over the soft green fabric of the furniture. Jensen's favourite colour was obvious here in his own private corner of the world, and Jared felt at ease in the room that was so fully Jensen's.  
  
Jared sat looking at Jensen until his own eyelids started to drift shut and sleep overwhelmed him.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Jensen slowly came out of the deep sleep, disorientated as he looked around the dark room. His mind felt fuzzy, memories unclear and blurred together; then he remembered Jake's visit. Jake and his friends standing on his porch with those cruel smirks and harsh words. His mind did an almost painful jerk away from the memory and Jensen groaned and fumbled for the drawer, frowning when his hand came up empty. He tried to sit up but his head was spinning and he sunk back down in the bed.  
  
Bits and pieces of memory came back to him, not really making sense since he couldn't put them together in any order. Just malicious comments from Jake and numbed pain. Jensen knew he had taken pills but he couldn't remember how many. After the first few didn't help, it had seemed like a good idea to take some more. He thought he remembered falling, being on the floor beside his bed. Then came another memory: strong arms around him as he cried.   
  
Jared.  
  
All the memories crashed over him then, how Jared had just shown up, stood there, and Jensen couldn't do that. Couldn't deal with it. He had wanted his pills but Jared hadn't let him have them. Jared had stopped him and then...Jared had held him close as Jensen cried. The memories ended there; no matter how much he tried, Jensen couldn't remember how he had ended up in his bed, under a blanket, without his pills.  
  
His pills. He needed them. Again he reached for the drawer, but the result was the same as before; it was empty.   
  
"You won't find them there," a voice behind him said.   
  
If his body had allowed it, Jensen would have spun around in bed; as it was, he could barely move at all, but he turned his head enough to see Jared sitting in an old armchair, curled around himself and looking at Jensen with soft eyes.   
  
"I threw them away," Jared continued.  
  
"What? No, I need..."  
  
Jensen stopped talking when he realized that his words were slow, slurred, and he wondered how many pills he had really taken the day before. How long had he been asleep? A glance at the clock radio told him it was 4 AM and Jensen didn't know when he had fallen asleep in the first place.  
  
"You don't," Jared objected. "Jen, how much do you remember?"  
  
"Jake...came here," Jensen mumbled. "And...it hurt. Pills, stop hurting."  
  
He knew he wasn't making much sense but as Jared nodded, he guessed that Jared understood anyway. But Jensen didn't understand, didn't know why Jared was in his home again.   
  
"You shouldn't be here," he slurred tiredly, feeling his eyelids droop again.  
  
"Maybe not," came the soft answer. "But I am here, and you need me. I'm not leaving again, Jen, you're kinda stuck with me, so you might as well get used to it."  
  
"Not...gonna...fuck...you," Jensen protested drowsily.  
  
"I know," Jared said simply. "That's not why I'm here. Besides, you aren't all that hot when you're doped up. Now go back to sleep, Jen."  
  
Jensen tried to protest, but sleep pulled him under before he could get another word out.   
  


~*~

  
When Jensen woke up the second time, he could see sun shining in through the blinds, and when he turned around, the armchair in the corner was empty. It stung to know that Jared had left, but Jensen tried to push that feeling aside as he sat up. He had barely gotten his feet over the side of the bed when Jared entered the room with a big glass of orange juice in one hand and a plate of sandwiches in the other. Jensen tensed up but he didn't know what to say, how to deal with Jared being there.   
  
"Hey, you're awake," Jared said with a little smile. "I had planned to wake you up, you need food."  
  
Jensen's stomach rumbled at the mention of food, making him unable to protest, and as Jared put down the plate on the bedside table, Jensen reached out for a sandwich and tried to ignore that the movement made him sway a little.  
  
"Why?" Jensen asked quietly around a bite of sandwich.  
  
"You need me," came the simple answer.  
  
"No," Jensen protested without thinking.   
  
He didn't need anyone, hadn't since Justin. Jensen managed, all he needed was... His eyes darted over to the empty drawer again.  
  
"I flushed them away," Jared said knowingly as he followed Jensen's gaze.  
  
Jensen gasped for air. He needed those pills, and he wasn't sure how many more he could take from his mother before she would notice. Without thinking, he opened the drawer again, hoping to find that Jared had missed a few, but of course he had no such luck.  
  
"No, no, I need them. Jared...I need them." Even with the slur still in his voice, the pleading note was obvious and he hated it.   
  
Jared looked at him and Jensen couldn't read the expression in his eyes. Jared walked over and sat down next to him on the bed, close enough for Jensen to feel his body heat.  
  
"Jen, you don't need pills," Jared said, his voice pitched low. "And you really don't need to almost overdose on pills."  
  
Jensen blushed deeply at that, ashamed that Jared had seen him at his worst yet again. Yet Jared had showed up when Jensen needed him the most. It hit Jensen then that he needed Jared, fear curling wild inside him at the admission. Need would made him vulnerable, and Jensen really didn't want to get hurt any more.   
  
"Jared..."  
  
And then Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen again, pulling him close to his chest and breathing into his hair. Jensen could feel himself tense up at the unexpected contact but he couldn't deny that the feel of Jared close to him was good, and before he could really think about it, he wrapped his arms around Jared and buried his face against the taller boy's neck.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared couldn't stop a smile when he felt Jensen press up close to him again; even if Jensen was still feeling the effects of the pills, it was a big step forward that he accepted the touch. Jared really didn't know how to move further, though, how to make Jensen understand how much he meant to Jared. And really, Jared had no idea how to do that when he couldn't even explain to himself why Jensen was so important to him.   
  
To his surprise, no tears came this time; instead Jensen clung to him quietly, and they sat still for a very long time.   
  
"It hurts without the pills," Jensen whispered finally.   
  
"Didn't it hurt with them as well? I mean...that's why you kept taking them, right?"  
  
Jared could feel Jensen's head bob as he nodded against Jared's shoulder and he heard a soft whimper as Jensen pressed even closer.   
  
"I can't do this, Jared..."  
  
Jared felt his heart drop again as he waited for Jensen to pull back, but the boy kept whispering.  
  
"I can't...deal... It hurts so much. I think I..."  
  
Jensen drifted off to silence and pulled back a little, just enough to look up at Jared. Meeting his eyes, Jared could feel another part of his insides melt at the openness there; he had never seen Jensen like that before, not even in the hours they had spent in Jensen's room before.  
  
"I think I need you," Jensen whispered, so low that Jared barely could make it out.  
  
There were so many things Jared wanted to say. Part of him even wanted to stand up and do a little victory dance because Jensen had finally admitted that he needed someone, that he needed Jared. The room suddenly seemed brighter despite the shades, and Jared pulled Jensen closer.  
  


~*~

  
They didn't really speak much during the afternoon except for a few whispered words as Jared put a movie in the DVD player. They both rested against the headboard as they watched Twilight and New Moon; it was such a silly thing to do after the chaos of the last day, the last two weeks, but it was their thing, and it clearly put Jensen at ease.  
  
As the sun started to set, tension returned to Jensen's body and Jared didn't need to ask why. Jensen's parents had to be coming back soon and Jared was sure that they had no idea about what was happening to their son. He really felt like yelling at them, but he knew he couldn't; he would only do whatever Jensen let him do.   
  
"They should be home within the hour," Jensen said with a sigh.  
  
"I should leave..."  
  
"Yeah. I guess," Jensen said sadly.  
  
"Jen, you gonna sit with us again tomorrow?" Jared asked.  
  
A deep blush coloured Jensen's cheeks, but as he looked up at Jared, a small smile tugged at his lips.   
  
"Yeah, I...yeah."  
  
"Good," Jared said simply as he got up to leave.  
  
"Jared..."  
  
Jensen spoke softly and Jared stopped where he stood in the bedroom door. The blush was back on Jensen's cheeks and he refused to meet Jared's gaze.  
  
"I won't...sleep with you..."  
  
"You keep saying that," Jared said, ignoring the flip of his belly. "But Jen, that's not why I'm here, so let it go."  
  
Jensen looked surprised and... Jared didn't know what to make of it. Hurt? Disappointed?  
  
"You don't want me?"  
  
At that moment Jared thought he would be able to kill Justin and Tom for having done this to Jensen, making him so insecure that any form of rejection could hurt him so badly.   
  
"Jen," Jared said softly. "I really do want you...but for now, we're just friends."  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Of course his parents hadn't noticed that anything was strange, that Jensen was different. It amazed him that they couldn't tell from just looking at him that he had changed, that everything about him was new. But they didn't even hear the slight slur that still coloured his voice or see that his eyes still were red and puffy from crying.   
  
On Monday morning he felt...empty. His body had gotten rid of most of the drugs, but that wasn't a good thing; Jensen felt itchy all over and he really wished he could get more pills, but his mom was home and he had no chance to get at her little stash. He had no choice but to try and keep it together and go to school. He slung his bag over his shoulder and left the house, mind still spinning around the events of the weekend, the way Jared had been with him.  
  
Jensen hated himself for the whispered 'You don't want me?' but he had needed to ask, needed to know that Jared hadn't just changed his mind about Jensen like people seemed to do. 'We're friends.' That had warmed Jensen as no other words could have. Jared had said that they were friends; not that they could be, but that they already were. The memory put a small smile on his lips and he was too lost in thought to notice the tall figure leaning against a fence halfway between his house and the school.   
  
"Hey Jen."  
  
Jensen stopped and looked up at Jared, standing with ankles crossed and his school bag dropped at his feet. There was a smile on his face, but the look in his eyes was nervous, and he didn't really look as relaxed as he tried to.  
  
"Hey, Jared, what...uhm..."  
  
Jared pushed off from the high fence and bent over to pick up his bag from the ground.   
  
"Let's go to school," he said with a smile.  
  
Jensen could only nod and fall into step with Jared as they walked in silence. It wasn't until they stood at the edge of the parking lot and he looked up at the big school building that panic returned to Jensen; without thinking, he pushed one hand down his jeans pocket in search of a little blue pill that wasn't there. It was obvious that Jared spotted the movement, but he didn't say anything about it; instead he bumped his shoulder against Jensen's and nodded for him to keep on walking.  
  
But Jensen couldn't. Fear and panic filled him as they had many times before, and all he could feel was the need for his pills, for anything to numb the pain. Then Jared moved close to him, one big hand one Jensen's shoulder and those slanted eyes focused fully on him.   
  
"You kinda have to go in sooner or later. Might as well be today."  
  
"I don't know how... Not after Jake..."  
  
"What did they say? When they came to your house?"  
  
Jensen just shook his head. He couldn't talk about it, couldn't really deal with everything at the same time. Jared looked at him for a minute, but then he just nodded.   
  
"We got first period together, c'mon."  
  
He wanted to protest more, to return to his house and his own room, but instead he followed Jared across the parking lot and through the front doors.   
  
People were staring at them, at Jensen. Even during the few days Jensen had had lunch with Jared, they hadn't walked around the school together, and apparently people were more shocked about that turn of events than they had been about Jared giving Jensen the time of day to begin with. Jared, however, seemed not to notice the looks they were getting as they moved through the corridor to their classroom.  
  
Chad was sitting on a bench outside the classroom and as he saw them approach, a big smile lit up his face.  
  
"Jay, good job! Welcome back, Jensen," he said as he bounced up from his seat.  
  
"Uhm..." Jensen blushed and looked down to the ground. "Thanks..."  
  
As they entered the room, Chad gave a strange little nod to Jared before he walked off to sit...in Jensen's usual spot. Jensen stood staring at him, his mouth gaping, until Jared pushed him down into Chad's usual spot and took the seat next to him. With a painful little twist in his belly, Jensen saw that the guy next to Chad wasn't moving his desk away like he always did when Jensen sat down.   
  
Jensen couldn't really focus on the lesson, too aware of Jared beside him, of sitting down with a friend.   
  


~*~

  
The worst thing about Mondays was that the last period was gym. Jensen hated that class more than any other because it seemed to be pretty much an open invitation for people to push him around. But once again it seemed that his friendship with Jared had calmed things down, and even though they were forced to play dodge ball, he got away without the bruises gym class usually resulted in.  
  
Still, he hung around the locker room until most people had left before he walked into the shower. It was one thing to hope that things might get easier, but he wasn't prepared to stand naked and vulnerable in front of people who were used to tormenting him every chance they got. He put his towel on the hook outside the open shower stall and turned on the water. It was cold at first, but as the temperature rose, he stepped under the stream and let the heat slowly eased the tension in his body. He could feel himself starting to relax as he bent his head back and let the water wash down over his face.   
  
He had just dried off and pulled his clothes back on over slightly damp skin when the door to the locker room banged open and he felt everything crash around him.  
  
Jake.  
  
The other boy grinned when he saw Jensen cringe as he walked into the otherwise empty room. Jensen could barely breathe as Jake moved closer to him.  
  
"Well, wouldn't you know... Nice to meet you here, Jenny," Jake said smilingly.   
  
Jensen tried to move away, but his back hit the lockers and the sound rang loud in the silence.  
  
"You know, I really don't get it," Jake went on. "What's the big thing about you? Why did Tom want you? You're nothing but a pretty face, Jenny."  
  
No one took such care as Jake did to call him 'Jenny' at every possible opportunity. The boy seemed to know how much Jensen hated it, that it cut like a knife every time since Justin had called him that. Jensen forced himself to breathe, to try and calm down and not let Jake see how terrified he was, but he thought it was obvious to anyone.   
  
"And now the new kid is all over you? Fuck that! You think you're all that, Jennyboy? Maybe I should try you out, see what the fuss is about?"  
  
Jensen froze, eyes wide as he tried to make sense of what was happening. It couldn't be about Jared, no, Jake could not be doing this to him just because Jared cared about him. Jared caring could not be a bad thing. His breathing hitched as he fought back the familiar panic.   
  
"Why so silent, pretty one? C'mon, know you want it. Mouth like yours was made to suck, you should just go down on your knees and prove it once and for all."  
  
"What happened to you not swinging that way?" Jensen asked, trying desperately to find a way out.  
  
Jake just shrugged and moved even closer, too close, close enough that Jensen could feel his body heat, feel his breath, and it made Jensen want to throw up, to swallow down a small, soothing pill.   
  
"Leave me alone," he said, hating the quiver in his voice.   
  
"I don't think so, Jenny, I think that this is what you want, what you're good for, the only thing you're good for."  
  
"I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure he said to leave him alone," said a low and precise voice from the door.  
  


~*~


	9. Chapter 9

**~Jared~**

  
Jared stood outside the gym building waiting for Jensen, but the other boy wasn't with any of the people who, one after another, spilled out and drifted off in different directions. As the minutes ticked by, Jared starting to get edgy and his fingers drummed an unsteady rhythm against the books in his hands. Then he saw some of Jake's friends walk past and heard a few mumbled words.  
  
"...takes every shot he gets to play with Jenny. No need for us to wait for him."  
  
The words were enough to have Jared on his feet and moving towards the locker rooms before he could really put any thought into it. As he moved through the long corridor, he wondered which locker room they were using; there were ten total and Jared really didn't feel like going through them all in his search for Jensen. All he wanted was to get there fast so he could stop whatever plan Jake had in store. He heard a rattling sound from one of the locker rooms and moved towards it, stopping just outside to listen. He heard Jensen choke out the words 'Leave me alone' and opened the door as Jake spoke again. As he stepped inside, he took the scene in front of him in quickly: Jensen was backed up against the lockers with Jake close to him, too close.  
  
"I might be wrong," Jared said with forced calm. "But I'm pretty sure he said to leave him alone."  
  
Jake spun around and took a step away from Jensen as Jared's voice broke his concentration. His eyes narrowed when he saw Jared at the door and his body tensed.  
  
"Jared," he almost spat out. "I just wanted to know what you guys see in Jenny here."  
  
Jared saw Jensen's hands move down to his pockets in a gesture he already knew meant the boy was searching for the flushed-away Valium; it made Jared want to scream.   
  
"You are seriously the poster child for 'unwanted,' Jake," Jared said. "So how about you go to hell and leave Jensen and me alone?"  
  
He could feel Jensen's eyes on him but he didn't dare to break eye contact with Jake for a second, didn't dare to show any weakness. Jake scowled and took a step closer to him.   
  
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" he practically growled. "No one talks to me like that, no one!"   
  
"Well...maybe someone should have a long time ago."  
  
Jake and Jared both stared at Jensen as the blonde boy clamped one hand over his mouth, eyes wide with surprise that he had actually spoken out loud. Then Jake laughed a hard, cruel laugh.   
  
"Oh Jenny, you wanna talk back to me? Want me to show up at your house again? Maybe bring Tom and Justin the next time?"  
  
"Leave me alone."  
  
"No, I don't think I will, you see..."  
  
"Yes you will," Jared interrupted.   
  
Jake looked back to him with a smirk on his face; he shrugged and walked towards the door.   
  
"You can't always be there, Jared. And I really don't like being made a fool of by you two," he said as he pushed the door open. "Bye, Jenny, we'll play more some other day..."  
  


~*~

  
Jensen didn't say a word from the moment Jared got him out of the locker room, but he did follow Jared as they left the school, and he didn't even seem to react when Jared led the both of them to his own house instead of Jensen's. It wasn't until they stood on his front porch, the sweet smell of honeysuckle in the air, that he looked up at Jared with worried eyes.   
  
Jared didn't let him speak. Instead he unlocked the door and ushered him inside, for the first time leading the way to his own room. He stopped in the doorway, hesitating, before he walked inside; Jensen followed him slowly. The room was a mess; Jared really wasn't one of the most organized people around, and compared to Jensen's neat room, his place was chaos. The walls were a soft cream colour, where they could be seen, but Jared had covered most of them with movie posters within a week of moving into the house. The clothes scattered on the floor were nothing out of the ordinary for him, but he was a bit ashamed that Jensen would see them. Jensen, however, didn't really seem to take in the room at all; he just sank down on Jared's bed with a low sigh and stared down at his hands, folded on his lap.  
  
"Jen..." Jared started, but he didn't really know how to continue.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Jensen didn't know how long he sat there, hands in his lap and thoughts running around in his head. Jared had said his name but it hadn't really penetrated his busy mind; it was just a noise without meaning.   
  
Then he felt someone sitting down next to him on the bed. Jared didn't say anything, just sitting next to Jensen, not close enough to touch but close enough that Jensen could feel the heat radiating from his thigh.   
  
"I'm scared," Jensen whispered after a very long time.   
  
"I know," Jared sighed.   
  
"He doesn't give up...and I...got nothing..."  
  
Jensen could feel Jared move, scoot closer to him on the side of the bed, one arm coming around Jensen's shoulders. He didn't want to tense up at the touch but he did; it was all still too new for him to be comfortable with it. Part of him still waited for Jared to pull away, to change his mind and be gone.  
  
"You got me," Jared said simply and Jensen really wanted to believe him.  
  


~*~

  
Jake's glare followed Jensen around the school in the following days and it made him feel itchy; he didn't really relax as the days passed by, not even with Jared as a constant grounding presence between classes. What surprised Jensen was the rest of the group surrounding him most of the time, never discouraged by his silence.   
  
It was Friday and they were sitting around their usual table. Jensen was pushing a meatball around his plate, halfheartedly listening to the discussions around the table and trying to not think too much about Jared sitting next to him.   
  
"We should do something," Chad said, popping a meatball into his mouth.   
  
"Do something? Like...party?" Misha perked up.  
  
Jensen tensed; he didn't do parties. Didn't do things with people, but he knew Jared would ask him to join whatever they were going to do.   
  
"Nah," Chad said with a quick glance towards Jensen. "Something smaller, I was thinking maybe...barbecue?"  
  
"Oh my God yes!"  
  
Jared almost bounced in his seat and Jensen couldn't stop himself from staring at the other boy in surprise; his friend was beaming happily.  
  
"I take it you like barbecue?" Sophia said with a little laugh.  
  
"I'm Texan, of course I like barbecue!" Jared grinned. "We need to have a barbecue, tomorrow. My place."  
  
"Well...okay then," Chad said, looking around at the others. "We're okay with that?"  
  
The group looked at Jared, whose big puppy-eyed look was enough to make them quickly nod their agreement to the suggestion. Jared looked over to Jensen with a big smile.   
  
"C'mon Jen, tell me you're coming?" he asked in a pleading tone.   
  
Jensen tried not to cringe away. Jared hadn't pushed him that openly before, but now he was asking for it. Asking Jensen to be...a friend. To hang out with others. And Jensen didn't know if he could say no, didn't know if he even wanted to. So he did the only thing that made sense.   
  
"Yeah, okay."   
  


~*~

  
Jensen stared at his own reflection in the mirror, lower lip caught between his teeth as he took in his appearance. It was the fifth outfit he had tried on and he was thinking about trying out yet another one. When he peeled off the shirt and jeans, he froze, looking at himself again in only his black boxer briefs. He didn't often look at himself like that; his slender frame looked almost foreign to him as he fidgeted in front of the mirror. His reflection looked back at him, green eyes sad; he hated that he always looked so sad. With a sigh, he lifted one hand and brushed his fingers over the cold glass, over the mirrored freckles that covered not only his face but his shoulders and chest. He rolled his lower lip between his teeth, a habit he never seemed to stop, as his hand traced the cold image of his own body. Barely defined stomach muscled and narrow hips; even on his hips he could see a few freckles and he hated them.  
  
Looking at himself, he couldn't understand why people said he was pretty. Freckles weren't pretty, pale skin and lack of muscles weren't pretty.  
  
'You're so beautiful, laid out for me like this...waiting for me. I love you, Jen.'  
  
He flinched as he remembered what Justin had said during their lovemaking. Every sweet word cut like a dagger as he thought back to that night. But for the first time in a very long time, he wanted to look good, wanted to be beautiful, all because of...Jared. Jared was the reason he had changed his outfit time and time again, the reason he stood there, looking at himself and trying to find something there that someone could like. But Jared claimed to like him, claimed to want him. And Jensen...wanted Jared to like him.  
  
Meeting his own gaze in the mirror, he saw his eyes wide with shock as he realized that no matter how much he had been fighting it, trying to push Jared away, he wanted to look good for Jared. Jensen was falling for Jared, and he was terrified.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
"We're heading out now, you kids behave!" Sherri said with a smile as she looked around the backyard. "And please...don't burn the house down? I'm kind of fond of it."  
  
Jared rolled his eyes at his mom as he fiddled with the grill, but he knew better than to argue.  
  
"Don't you worry, Mom," he said instead. "I won't let Chad anywhere near the grill!"  
  
He could see Chad giving him the finger behind his mom's back but Sherri just laughed and waved a last goodbye.   
  
"See you tomorrow, and remember. No. Burning. Houses."  
  
Misha sat down next to him beside the grill and rested his head against a chair.  
  
"Your mom is kinda amazing," he said with a grin.   
  
"Misha, I swear to God, if you're perving over my mom I will toss you on the fire."  
  
Misha stared at him and did a full body shudder before he jumped up and hid behind Chad. They heard Jared's parents' car drive away and as soon as the sound had died down, a big grin spread on Chad's face.   
  
"Okay, they're gone, time to fetch the beer!"  
  
Jared looked after him and then back at Misha.  
  
"Beer?"   
  
A slight pang of nervousness curled in his belly for some reason.  
  
"Yeah, you know, beer. It's a thing made from barley and stuff, and people drink it. I heard it tastes good," Misha said with a grin. "Besides, you're in need of some liquid courage, Jay. You've been fidgeting for an hour now."  
  
"It's just...do you think he'll actually come? Maybe he won't. Maybe he changed his mind. What if he changed his mind? What if..."  
  
"Yeah, you so need a fucking beer," Misha interrupted. "Or a blowjob to help you relax, but no way I would do that without beer first!"  
  
Jared slumped down in the chair and tried to calm his nerves. Jensen wasn't really late as such; they had just set an estimated time for people to gather, but all the others were there already and Jared really, really wanted Jensen to come soon.   
  
"Heeeeey, lookie who I found!" Chad called out as he returned with the beer.  
  
Jared bounced up when he saw Jensen standing nervously behind Chad, hesitant smile to his lips. He was dressed in soft faded jeans and a black tee with the print of a red and green frog on it, and his hair looked soft and shiny in the afternoon sun. When their eyes met, Jensen's smile grew wider, more sincere, and Jared felt like walking up and hugging him.   
  
"Hey, Jen," he said with a big smile.  
  
"Uhm...hey..." Jensen said with a blush.   
  
"Jensen!" Sophia called. "Thank God you're here, I'm so hungry!"  
  


~*~

  
Jared really thought Chad had gone a bit overboard with the amount of beer he had brought, but well, they were teenagers, after all, and Jared could see the tension drain off Jensen after his first two beers. Anything that made Jensen relax could only be good in Jared's book. Jared tried to get his focus back to whatever story Misha was telling, but his eyes didn't want to leave Jensen.   
  
"...and she was just clingy! It creeped me out!" Misha said with a pained look.   
  
"It was hi-fucking-larious!" Chad grinned. "I had to save him, you know, 'cause I'm just nice like that,"  
  
"Nice? You shoved your tongue down my throat," Misha protested.  
  
"Well, she stopped being clingy, didn't she? I rock." Chad nodded.  
  
"Chad, don't ever kiss me again. Ever!"  
  
"Yeah, Chad, don't kiss Misha," Sophia giggled. "Or if you do, take pictures...'cause you know...hot!"  
  
"Eeeewwww," Chad and Misha said in unison.  
  
Jared laughed at them and he could see Jensen smile around the forkful of coleslaw he was eating, lips sticky with mayonnaise. Jared could barely breathe when a pink tongue came out to lick the mess off. The combination of Jensen's lips and tongue was the sexiest thing he had ever seen and he forced himself to look away before he messed things up again.  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
The food was amazing. Jensen couldn't get enough of the juicy meat and crispy coleslaw. It had been too long since he had enjoyed food; dinner with his family had long since stopped being an enjoyable event, but here, with his...friends, he could finally savour it.  
  
He wasn't used to beer, and the buzz it gave him made him feel relaxed. Suddenly he realized that for once, he wasn't longing for a pill, and the thought made him smile as he took another swig of his beer.  
  


~*~

  
He had lost count of the beers he had downed, but there must have been a few because he was sitting next to Misha, laughing at some rather distasteful joke and even though he was drunk, Jensen knew that it was out of character for him. He just didn't really care about it because it felt so good. And he was a teenager, after all, things like this were what he was supposed to do, not sit around his home hoping for the weekend to never end. Some things were the same—he wanted this weekend to never end, he wanted to be spread out on the grass forever, surrounded by friends and with Jared close by.  
  
Jensen looked up and found Jared looking at him, smiling, and without thinking he smiled back. The night seemed almost magical; he wasn't used to feeling so relaxed and calm, not even around Jared, who had been his pillar of strength.   
  
"I am so stuffed," Chad whined, wincing as Sophia put her head on his belly. "Go away, evil girl!"  
  
"I couldn't get down another bite," Misha sighed with contentment.   
  
"Not even marshmallows?" Jared asked with a grin. "Toasted, sticky, gooey marshmallows?"  
  
A chorus of moans met his suggestion but they looked around at each other and nodded.   
  
"Get us marshmallows, bitch!" Chad commanded.  
  
Jensen giggled as Jared stood up, brushing strands of grass from his jeans, but then Jared looked over at him with a pout.   
  
"If you're gonna laugh at my pain, you can help carry them!" he said and motioned for Jensen to get up.  
  
"But...it's marshmallows! They weigh nothing," Jensen complained.  
  
Jared just looked at him and tapped his foot. Jensen grumbled and crawled off the ground to follow Jared inside. The house was dark and Jared didn't bother with lights, so Jensen had to hesitantly follow him and hope he wouldn't trip over something. His balance was a bit off after the beers. In the kitchen, he leaned back against a counter as Jared opened a cupboard to pull out a few bags of marshmallows and a bag of wooden skewers.   
  
"Are you having a good time, Jen?" Jared asked, his back still turned.  
  
Jensen nodded, belatedly realizing that Jared couldn't see that.   
  
"Yeah," he said with a smile. "Really. Thanks, Jared."  
  
Jared turned around and put down the items on the table before he walked over to Jensen.   
  
"Hey, you don't need to thank me," he said softly.   
  
Jensen looked down at the floor, thankful for the darkness to hide the blush that crept up his cheeks. Suddenly he was very aware that Jared was very close, and that it was only them there, even though he could hear their friends talking in the distance. He felt torn between turning away and running, the way he was used to dealing with problems, and moving closer to Jared. But the beer had his body tingling, his mind slightly foggy, and he really didn't want to run.   
  
"I think I do," he said, eyes still locked on the shadowy floor. "No one has ever done anything like this for me before... No one has..."  
  
"Cared?"  
  
Jensen nodded but didn't dare speak, didn't want to break whatever it was between them.  
  
"I care, you know I do. And I should thank you, for hanging out with us. I like having you around," Jared said, and Jensen could hear the smile in his voice.   
  
"That's...good," Jensen said. "I like...being around. Feels good, having...friends."  
  
"We are your friends, we really are. I hope you know that."  
  
Jared sounded so sincere that Jensen couldn't stop himself from looking up. His breath caught in his lungs when he realized that Jared was just one foot away, looking down at him with warm hazel eyes and a smile on his lips.   
  
"Thank you," Jensen whispered without taking his eyes off Jared.   
  
"Stop saying thanks," Jared laughed. He closed the distance and gave Jensen a hug.   
  
Jensen pressed closer to Jared without thinking about it. For the first time he felt no tension, no fear; just the comforting warmth of Jared's body against his own, of strong arms around him. He didn't think about the way he put his arms around Jared's neck, hands curling in his soft hair, didn't think of Jared's arms dropping down around his waist. Not until he pulled back a little did he realize how intimate the hug was, how close their faces were when Jensen looked up.   
  
Maybe it was the beer giving him unknown courage, maybe it was he himself finding courage deep inside, but something made him stand up on his tiptoes and press his lips against Jared's.   
  


~*~


	10. Chapter 10

**~Jared~**

  
Jared's mind couldn't make sense of it. One moment he was hugging Jensen, comforting him, and the next he had those plush lips pressed against his own. He didn't decide to kiss back so much as realize his tongue was in Jensen's mouth when he felt Jensen's hand tug at his hair, pulling him in closer. It was nothing like the dream had been; Jensen's didn't taste of summer, he tasted of beer and coleslaw, but underneath it all was that other taste Jared remembered from his dream, something purely Jensen. He deepened the kiss without thinking, tried to lick away the other tastes.   
  
A part of him screamed at him to stop, but it was Jensen in his arms, Jensen kissing him, all sinful lips and hot tongue and Jared wouldn't have been able to stop even if he had wanted to. And he really didn't want to. Instead he let himself relish in the way Jensen pushed up against him, moaning softly into Jared's mouth as they kept kissing until they had to pull back for air.   
  
Jensen stared up at Jared with wide eyes, pink lips swollen and spit slicked and slightly parted as he gasped for breath. Jared thought he should say he was sorry, but he wasn't. Nothing could make him regret that kiss, not when Jensen was looking up at him with his lips marked by him.  
  
"Jay..." Jensen gasped softly.  
  
The nickname sounded intimate coming from Jensen, but Jared didn't really get time to think about it before Jensen was back in his arms, kissing him for all he was worth. This time Jared managed to keep his mind somewhat clear, returning the kiss but waiting for the moment he knew would come, the moment when it would be too much.  
  
But the moment wasn't coming; instead Jensen pressed his body closer and Jared could feel the hard line of his cock through two layers of denim. It sent a rush of want through him but simultaneously made his mind crystal clear, and he slowly pulled away from Jensen. He tried to be careful, but when he looked down at Jensen, he saw hurt and confusion in his green eyes.   
  
"I thought you...wanted me..." Jensen said, trying to pull away from Jared.  
  
Jared groaned on the inside. Dealing with Jensen was the most confusing thing he had ever done; it took all his willpower not to push the boy up against a wall and try to kiss all his worries away.  
  
"I do want you," Jared said, pressing a soft kiss to Jensen's forehead. "But I really would prefer doing this when you haven't been drinking."   
  
"Oh...but..."  
  
Jensen looked so confused that Jared couldn't help himself from pulling him in again and softly kissing his plush lips.  
  
"If you want this when you're sober, then yes, we'll do it," he mumbled against Jensen's lips.   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
The problem for Jensen was that he wasn't sure he would dare to kiss Jared when he was sober. It was easy with liquid courage flowing through his body, but in the bright light of day, it would be another matter. But he wanted it, and he decided to take what he could for the time being, so he gave himself to the kisses and let himself feel adored in the way that Jared kissed him, hands snug around his waist.  
  
"Did you two get lost in there? Bring the fucking marshmallows!" Chad's voice called from the yard.  
  
Jensen gasped and took a quick step back from Jared, almost tripping over his own feet. He had totally forgotten about their friends outside, forgotten everything that wasn't Jared, wasn't kissing Jared. Biting his bottom lip nervously, he looked up at Jared and was met with a radiant smile.   
  
"Calm down, Chad, you'll survive," Jared called back.   
  
He fetched the marshmallows, pushing two bags into Jensen's hands as he took skewers and the rest of the bags himself.   
  
"Let's go out before they come looking," he said, still smiling. "And Jen, I...uhm... We can do this however fast or slow you want it. It's up to you."  
  
Jared started walking towards the door but Jensen didn't want the magic of the dark kitchen to break quite yet; he grabbed Jared's arm, pulled him back, and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.  
  
"Thanks, Jared."  
  
He couldn't supress a smile as Jared looked at him with a fond expression and the two of them walked back to their friends in silence. Jensen could see the others giving them questioning looks, but none of them said anything and Jensen was grateful for that.   
  


~*~

  
Sunday morning, Jensen woke up to a slight headache. But more importantly, he woke up to a full-blown panic attack as memories from the night before flooded his mind.  
  
He had kissed Jared.  
  
His breath caught in his chest and he could feel the edges of his vision flicker black as he clawed his way out of the sheets. He didn't even realize what he was doing until his frantic movements made his head hit the headboard, hard, and the sudden pain snapped him out of it.   
  
Wincing, he reached back to rub the sore spot at the back of his head as his breathing evened out again. He had kissed Jared. Okay. He could deal with that. Something churned nastily in his belly and he fled across the hall to the bathroom where he promptly emptied his belly into the toilet. Apparently beer and panic didn't mix.  
  
He sat down on the cold tiled floor, staring at nothing as he tried to make sense of everything that was happening. His life had changed so much since the start of the semester, and Jensen felt lost; he had no idea what to do.   
  
'I do want you.'  
  
The memory of those words should scare him, would have scared him before, but at the moment, they worked as a comforting blanket. He let himself marvel in it all for a few minutes. Jared wanted him, and Jensen could have Jared...if he dared. That was the problem. With a sigh, he pushed himself up and faced his own image in the mirror: puffy red eyes and sleep-tousled hair. He reached up and touched his lips, remembering the way they had felt, kiss-swollen in that dark kitchen. Reaching for his toothbrush, he cleaned the taste of beer, and Jared, out of his mouth, all the while staring at his own reflection and trying to will the frantic look in his eyes to fade.  
  
The last few weeks had been a roller coaster of mixed emotions and misunderstandings, and Jensen was terrified of trusting Jared. He had struggled against it all, against the way Jared had nestled his way into Jensen's life, but he had been helpless.   
  
Stomach churning from more than too many beers, he knew what he needed to do. It was time to stop fighting.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared sat cross-legged on his bed with Good Omens in his lap. He wasn't really reading it; in the last hour, he thought he had managed four pages. His head was still spinning from the memories of the night before and he caught himself smiling happily at the knowledge that Jensen had kissed him. It was such a huge step that he could barely believe it.  
  
Unable to focus on the book, he put it aside and stretched out on his bed, closing his eyes and remembering how Jensen had felt in his arms, soft plush lips against his and low gasps as their tongues played. He drifted off to sleep with those images in his head.  
  
The door bell woke him up and when he eyed the clock, he realized he had slept for nearly two hours. Still half asleep, he stumbled out to the front door, opening it without really thinking. He stared at the boy standing on the porch.  
  
"Jensen?" he mumbled, thinking he might be dreaming.  
  
"Uhm...is this a bad time? I can..." Jensen's gaze fell to the ground and he started stepping away.  
  
"What? No!" Jared said quickly, reaching out to put a hand on his arm. "I...no...it's not a bad time. I was just sleeping."  
  
"Oh...can I..."  
  
Jared smiled and pushed the door fully open, taking a step back to let Jensen inside. A shiver ran through him as Jensen passed him, close enough for their bodies to touch, and Jared felt an urge to pull Jensen into his arms, or push him against the wall and kiss him senseless. He managed to not do either; instead he followed as Jensen went to sit down on the sofa. Jared tensed a bit as he remembered last time the two of them had been sitting there, how messed up things had been.   
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes; Jensen shifted awkwardly and looked down at his own hands fingering the hem of his tee.   
  
"About last night..." he started, a soft blush colouring his cheeks pink.  
  
"Yeah, last night..." Jared said with what he hoped was a comforting smile.   
  
There were so many things he wanted to say, but he knew it was up to Jensen. Jared had done what pushing he could; whatever came next was up to Jensen.  
  
"Ireallylikedit."  
  
The words were so jumbled together that at first, Jared couldn't make sense of them, but when his brain eventually caught up, he couldn't help the big grin that spread on his face.  
  
"Good, 'cause I really liked it too."  
  
Jensen looked up at Jared, green eyes sparkling gold and a hesitant but happy smile on his lips. Jared carefully reached out one hand and put it over Jensen's, and his heart clenched when he saw hope spark in his eyes at that small touch.   
  
"I want this..." Jensen whispered. "But I'm scared."  
  
"I'm not all that calm myself," Jared admitted with a smile. "But you and me? We make sense."  
  
Jensen looked at him for a long time. Jared was too scared to ruin what fragile thing was between them to break the silence. Then Jensen nodded and moved closer to Jared; once again, he pressed his lips to Jared's.  
  
This time Jared didn't hesitate. Jensen was right there, and it was only the two of them, so he put his arms around the smaller boy, almost pulling him onto his lap, and returned the kiss. At first it was just slow touching of lips, simple and sweet, until Jensen let out a small gasp and Jared couldn't help licking his way into Jensen's mouth as he felt soft lips part beneath his own.  
  
When their tongues touched, he could feel Jensen tremble in his arms and for a second, he was scared the boy would pull away. Instead Jensen practically melted into him, deepening the kiss, his warm tongue slipping into Jared's mouth, greedily tasting and licking. To his surprise, Jensen moved to push himself fully up on Jared's lap, still kissing, and tangled his hands in the hair at the base of Jared's neck. The bold move warmed Jared and for the first time in weeks, he stopped worrying and let himself focus fully on the boy in his arms and the way their mouths moved together.   
  


~*~

  
Jared spent the afternoon with Jensen in his arms, alternating between the feather light brush of lips and deep kisses that had them both gasping for air. They kissed until their lips were swollen and tingling, and then they just sat on the sofa, heads close enough to taste each other's breaths. Jensen pulled back and rested his head on Jared's shoulder, a small sigh escaping him.   
  
"Jared...about school," he started with a sad tone to his voice.   
  
"You don't want people to know?" Jared asked.  
  
"Not yet, I'm sorry," Jensen said, lowering his head even more.   
  
It did sting a bit, Jared could be honest with himself about that, but at the same time he wasn't surprised; even taking these huge steps, he knew they had a long way to go. For now, he just held Jensen close.  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
It was easy, the whole 'being with Jared' thing. But at the same time, it was the hardest thing Jensen had done. The Sunday spent in Jared's arms had been balm for his bruised self-esteem, but outside of Jared's house it barely felt real. And at school it felt like he had imagined it all.  
  
Alone with Jared, he could relax, pressing close and trading kisses, but in the real world he knew he was still just Jensen. Still the boy people despised for some unknown reason. At times he just wanted to walk over to Jared, slip into his arms, and be comforted, but he didn't dare.   
  
The week passed by in a blur of stolen glances and smiles, but Jensen knew their friends had figured it all out within minutes. So much for being discrete. At first it had scared him, but no one said anything about it, so after the first few days he started to relax again.   
  
Jared was waiting for him outside the school on Friday, and just the sight of him had Jensen's tension drain away. When Jared fell into step with him, Jensen smiled.  
  
Thirty minutes later, they sat on Jensen's bed, close enough for their legs to touch. They didn't speak, but Jensen could see that Jared was itching to say something; he kept glancing over at Jensen, and every now and then he opened his mouth, only to close it again without a word.   
  
"What?" Jensen asked when it was clear Jared wouldn't speak without permission.   
  
"I was wondering... The pills..." Jared said, worry clear in his voice.   
  
Jensen swallowed and fixed his eyes firmly on any spot that wasn't Jared.   
  
"I haven't..." Jensen muttered. "Not since... I haven't."  
  
He could hear the defensiveness in tone and was annoyed at how obvious it was, knew that Jared could hear it as well, but the other boy didn't say a word. Instead he just nodded a little and pushed off the bed, walking over to Jensen's DVD collection and flipped through the titles.   
  


~*~

  
They were sprawled out on the bed, Jensen's head on Jared's shoulder, watching Starship Troopers when Jensen's mom knocked on the door and pushed it open without waiting for a response. Jensen was bolt upright within a second, all comfort gone.   
  
"Jensen, food will be ready in thirty min...oh, hey. Jared, right? I didn't know you were here," Donna said, smiling at Jared.   
  
"Hey Mrs. Ackles," Jared said with a bright smile.   
  
Jensen sat frozen, fully aware that he and Jared still were too close to each other on the bed. He could see the second that his mother understood, her eyes narrowing as she took in the scene. The smile hardened on her lips as she looked at the two of them.   
  
"I'm sorry, Jared, had I known you were here I would have made dinner for you as well," she said. "But Jensen seldom bring home friends, so it's a bit surprising."   
  
Jensen could hear the way she said the word 'friends' like it was something dirty and it stung; he never brought home friends because he didn't have any, his mother must know that.   
  
"It's fine, ma'am," Jared said, all polite Texan.   
  
"Jensen," his mother said, smile fading. "Thirty minutes."  
  
With that she left the room, and Jensen slumped back down on the bed, knowing he would hear about it during dinner. He closed his eyes.  
  
"What...was that about?" Jared asked. "Why was she... Is she not okay with..."  
  
"The gay thing?" Jensen sighed. "She don't mind gays, she only minds me being gay."   
  
He turned into Jared's arms, eyes still closed as he soaked in Jared's body heat and let his rapidly beating heart slow down.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
As he walked home, Jared couldn't help but feel angry at Jensen's parents. The first time he had met them, they had seemed polite and sweet, but this second time... Jared sighed he remembered the way Jensen's parents had acted when he left, all smiles towards Jared and Jensen's little sister, who he had met in the hallway, but neither of them really speaking to, or even looking at, Jensen. It had been like he was invisible.  
  
Jared really wanted to go back to that house and wrap Jensen in his arms, kissing him until they both forgot all about parents or bullies, but even though Jensen had been close to him during the afternoon, they hadn't shared kisses since the previous weekend. He picked up his phone and called Sandy without thinking about it.  
  
"Hey Jayby," she answered.  
  
"God, I really hope no one here ever finds out about that name," Jared said with a sigh.  
  
"Be nice and I won't tell them," Sandly replied. "What's up, Jay?"  
  
That was all invitation he needed to start telling Sandy about the last week, smiling at her happy squeak when he mentioned kissing Jensen. She went silent when he mentioned Jensen's family, and the fact that he still wasn't sure where he stood with Jensen, what they were. Comfort, she could give; answers, she could not.  
  


~*~

  
He didn't hear a word from Jensen for the rest of the weekend, and by Monday morning he was pretty sure that he was back to square one yet again. But halfway to school, he saw Jensen sitting on a low brick wall surrounding a small park, clearly waiting for Jared.   
  
"Jen," he said with a sigh of relief.   
  
"I'm sorry," Jensen said and jumped down from the wall. "I'm sorry I'm...whatever the fuck I am. I'm so sorry I can't be what you deserve, that I can't be good enough for you, Jared. I'm so sorry I mess things up and I'm so..."  
  
Jared interrupted him the only way he knew how: Pulling him into his arms and pressing their lips together. Jensen gasped against his mouth, a hot puff of air on his face, and Jared wrapped both arms around him.   
  
"Not good enough?" Jared asked. "Jen, seriously, you're amazing. It's me, I'm not good enough for you, pretty enough for you, strong enough for you."  
  
He kissed Jensen again and finally, Jensen was kissing him back, desperately clinging to Jared as they tasted each other on the sunlit walkway.   
  
"My family, I can't explain them. I can't be good enough for them, always a disappointment," Jensen mumbled, burying his face against Jared's shoulder.   
  
"Uh...you know it's not your fault, right Jen?" Jared said, pressing his lips to Jensen's temple. "Guess not all bigots lives in Texas, eh?"  
  
Jensen made a half-amused snort and pulled back from Jared.  
  
"We should head to school... Mrs Hale hates me enough without my being late."  
  
He said it with such ease; the teacher's resentment was clearly just another thing Jensen had gotten so used to that it barely hurt anymore. Jared added a few teachers to his list of people he would want to slap for Jensen, but he didn't say anything. Instead they walked towards the school in silence.  
  


~*~

  
"That's how you chose to spend a Friday evening?" Chad sighed. "You guys are lame beyond lame."  
  
Jared reached out and gave him a slap.   
  
"Don't mock Starship Troopers," he growled. "It's over-the-top violence and goo and pretty guys, what's not to like?"  
  
"The pretty guys?" Chad suggested.   
  
That time it was Misha who slapped him and Jared could see Jensen grinning.  
  
"Fuck you, Collins," Chad complained. "You like both Avatar and fucking Starship Troopers?"  
  
"One good movie out of two... Not too shabby."  
  
The entire table went quiet and they all turned to stare at Jensen, who seemed just as surprised as they did at the fact that he had spoken out loud. Even once he was used to being around the small gang, Jared hadn't really gotten him to open up around them. Jared couldn't help the wide grin spreading on his face as he looked over at Jensen's familiar blush fading some; he looked almost proud at his own daring.  
  
Misha reached over and patted Jensen on the shoulder before turning back to Chad.   
  
"Think what you will of Avatar, Murray," he said. "But Starship Troopers is fan-fucking-tastic and I pity you for not understanding that."  
  
Jared nudged his knee against Jensen's leg under the table and offered a small, private smile that turned the other boy's ears slightly pink. It was one of the things Jared found adorable about Jensen, his easy blushing every time Jared let his affection show. Still smiling, Jared turned his focus back to the movie discussion, ready to defend his beloved troopers.  
  


~*~

  
He hadn't planned to do it, but after their last class, Jensen was waiting for for him at his locker and no one else was in the corridor. Jared put one arm around his waist, softly pressing his lips against Jensen's. Jensen tensed in his arms at first, but then he put his own arms around Jared's neck, kissing him back, and for a few moments it was perfect.  
  
"Well isn't that just fucking adorable," Jake's voice broke in.  
  
Jensen was out of Jared's arm in an instant, fast enough to crash into the lockers with a hard thud, panic and fear clear in his eyes.   
  
"Hey, maybe you can double date with Tom and Justin now?" Jake continued. "Not that I expect this to last long; people tend to get tired of you pretty fast, don't they, Jenny?"  
  


~*~


	11. Chapter 11

**~Jensen~**

  
Jensen couldn't help but wonder why things like this always happened to him, why anything good always seemed to come crashing down.  
  
Jake leered at him, eyes full of pure loathing as he took a step closer.   
  
"No one ever sticks around, ain't that right, pretty one?" he said with a sadistic smile.   
  
"Shut up," Jensen said, but the words didn't sound sure so much as pleading.   
  
Jensen had almost forgotten about Jared's presence until the boy stepped up, placing himself between Jake and Jensen. Jake stopped moving, leaning back a bit and eying Jared from head to toe.  
  
"You know, you could do better than that," he said and nodded towards Jensen.   
  
Jensen felt something inside of him sink at those words. He knew they were the truth; Jared could do so much better than Jensen. He could probably have anyone he wanted. Jensen was only waiting for him to realize that.  
  
Jared, however, laughed right in Jake's face.   
  
"You really need to get something new to obsess over," he said.   
  
"Fuck you, Padalecki," Jake snarled. "One day I'll get to have some fun with Jenny, and don't think you can stop me."   
  
Jensen took a step back as fear pushed bile up his throat. He just wanted to turn away and run, but this thing wasn't only about him anymore and there was no way he could leave Jared.   
  
"If you touch him..." Jared growled. Jensen had never before seen him that angry.   
  
Jake laughed. Without another word, he turned his back on them and walked away.   
  
As soon as he was out of sight, Jensen slumped down to the ground, burying his face in his hands and fighting back humiliating tears. He felt Jared sit down next to him, carefully putting an arm around Jensen's shoulders, and Jensen let himself be held.  
  
"I hope you don't listen to him," Jared said softly.   
  
"He isn't all wrong," Jensen mumbled into his hands.  
  
"What?" Jared said forcefully. "Yes he is! It's hard to be any more wrong than he is."   
  
"You could do better than me..."  
  
It hurt to say the words out loud, but Jensen couldn't help it; he would rather lose Jared then and there than fall any harder. Jensen needed to be honest with his...friend.  
  
"I don't think so," Jared said, and he held Jensen closer. "Besides, I want you. I really thought you'd figured that out by now."  
  
Jensen looked up and found Jared looking at him, a frown on his face.   
  
"Seriously, Jen," he said. "Don't you know that? I want you, I don't care what Jake or anyone says."  
  
Jensen felt his insides unclench and warmth spread through him as he saw the sincerity in Jared's eyes. Jensen bit his lower lip as he thought of Jared's words. Jared's reaction was instantaneous: his eyes turned darker and his gaze was locked on Jensen's mouth.  
  
The obvious scrutiny made Jensen blush but it also made something deep inside him soar; even if it was on a purely physical level, Jared did want him. That much was clear. Jensen could only hope there was more to it as well.   
  
Jensen stood up and brushed the dirt off his jeans before he looked down at Jared.   
  
"Let's go to your place and forget all about..." Jensen made a little gesture in the direction Jake had disappeared. "Please?"  
  
Jared pulled himself off the ground and slung one around around Jensen's as they started walking. Jensen didn't even hesitate before he put his own arm around Jared's waist.   
  


~*~

  
Jensen sat curled up under Jared's arm, reading his history book while Jared had the TV on low.   
  
"What do you want to be?" Jared asked suddenly.   
  
"Want to be? When I grow up?" Jensen asked, surprised. "I thought I told you about wanting to study literature?"  
  
"Yeah, but no," Jared said, shifting awkwardly on the sofa. "I kinda meant...what do you want us to be?"  
  
"Oh," Jensen said. He sat up and looked over at Jared. "Uhm...I kinda thought..."  
  
Jared interrupted before Jensen could say any more, standing and pacing back and forth beside the sofa.   
  
"Look, I know I said I would give you time but...Jake knows and..."  
  
"Jared," Jensen tried to interrupt.   
  
"...if he knows, then everyone will know. And I guess we could deny it but I really don't want to do that, but..."  
  
"Jared!" Jensen tried again, raising his voice.   
  
"...if you want I guess we can tell them we're just friends. I mean, we are...friends...and maybe more? What do you want to be?"  
  
Jared fell silent. His shoulders slumped as he turned to look at Jensen, and for the first time Jensen felt like he was the one with the upper hand in their relationship. He moved to stand next to Jared and looked the other boy straight in the eye.   
  
"Jared, I consider us boyfriends. If...that's okay with you?"  
  
Jared's megawatt smile was answer enough, and Jensen stepped into his boyfriend's arms.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Boyfriends. Jared smiled as he held Jensen close. He couldn't help wondering how long it would have taken them to reach that point if Jake hadn't found them out, but as Jensen braided their fingers together, Jared forgot every worry and pulled Jensen down on the sofa.   
  
"I was thinking..." Jared said slowly.   
  
"Did it hurt?" Jensen asked offhandedly.  
  
Jared made an offended huff, but if he was honest with himself, he really liked that Jensen had begun to trust him enough to loosen up, to tease and smile with him.  
  
"Bitch," he said, pressing a kiss to Jensen's temple. "Anyway, I was wondering if maybe you would want to come over for dinner this weekend?"  
  
Jensen sat up and stared back at Jared, green eyes wide with surprise.   
  
"Dinner?" he almost squeaked. "Like...with your parents?"  
  
"Yeah, I mean, you don't have to but yeah."  
  
"You want me to meet your parents?"  
  
"Jen, I like having you around. Sooner or later you'll run in to them, and I just thought we might as well make it official."  
  
Jared tried to make it sound casual, tried to not show how nervous he really was. But if Jensen was his boyfriend, he really wanted to show him to his family. He wished he could explain to Jensen how proud he was of him, how much he cared.   
  
Jensen looked at him for the longest time, biting his lower lip like he always did when he was worried about something.   
  
"Okay," Jensen finally said.   
  
Jared felt his entire body relaxing when Jensen smiled at him.   
  
"No one has wanted me to meet their parents before, " Jensen said with a shy smile.  
  
Jared hugged Jensen, trying to push down the anger and resentment he felt towards Justin. How could he not have wanted to show Jensen off to everybody? Jared wanted the whole world to know that he was with Jensen, that Jensen was with him.   
  


~*~

  
Jared watched as his mother picked up groceries and put them away. He jumped up on the kitchen counter and tried to figure out how to start the discussion he knew they needed to have.   
  
"Mom..." he said hesitantly.   
  
Sherri looked over at him, threw him a bag of candy, and continued her unpacking.   
  
"Yes?" she said when Jared didn't say anything else.   
  
"I..." he started again. "I think I've got a boyfriend."  
  
"You think? You aren't really sure?" she said with a raised eyebrow.   
  
Jared opened the candy and was met with a sweet, sugary smell, but he didn't take any of it.   
  
"No, I know. I've got a boyfriend."  
  
"Is it Jensen?" she asked.   
  
"Yeah," Jared said, unable to hide a grin.   
  
Sherri stopped to look at him, and then she just nooded.   
  
"Good," she said. "When do we get to meet him?"  
  
In that moment, he loved his mother more than ever before. No twenty questions, no objections; only simple acceptance.  
  
"I was hoping he could come over for dinner on Saturday," Jared said.   
  
"And by 'hoping,' you mean that you already invited him?" Sherri asked with a smile.  
  
His mother knew him too well. Jared grinned a bit guiltily. Sherri looked at him with a serious expression on her face.   
  
"Jared, I know what you've told me about this boy, and...be careful?"  
  
"I guess this isn't about sex?" Jared mumbled and tried to will away his blush.   
  
"Oh sweetie," Sherri said. "We had that talk once, never again! But this boy has been very hurt, things won't be easy with him."  
  
"I know," Jared sighed.   
  
"Just be careful, Jared. Treat him right, don't hurt him. 'Cause I think he needs you, and seeing how you've changed lately, I would say that you need him, too."  
  


~*~

  
Jared leaned against his locker, Chad at his side, and flipped through the pages of an essay he needed to turn in later.   
  
"So, you two are official now?" Chad asked.   
  
"Yeah, I guess so," Jared answered.   
  
"About bloody time." Chad nodded. "Now we just need to find boyfriends for Misha and Danneel."  
  
"Okay, Hitch," Jared laughed. "Let's start working on that."  
  
"It would be so much easier if Misha was straight. Or Danneel was a guy. Or if you two were into threesomes. Are you?"  
  
"Why are you having this discussion?"  
  
Jared looked up, startled, to see Jensen mere feet away, his expression a mix of amusement, awkwardness, and worry.   
  
"We weren't having this discussion," Jared quickly pointed out. "Chad was talking and I just happened to be too close."  
  
Jensen seemed to relax a bit and he moved closer to Jared.   
  
"Bitch, please," Chad said, rolling his eyes. "It was a good discussion, and we seriously need to get Misha laid."  
  
"Why are you having this discussion?" came Misha's voice from behind Chad.   
  
To Jared's surprise, Jensen was the one to start laughing, but he and Chad quickly joined in. Misha looked around at them and shrugged.   
  
"So, who do you want to fuck me?" he asked.  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Jensen could see Jake on the other side of the parking lot as he waited for Jared, but for once, the other boy passed on the opportunity to mock Jensen. His presence still put a cold lump in Jensen's belly, however, and the doubt and fear lingered even when Jared came up and stood beside him. Jared followed his gaze, slanted eyes narrowing as they landed on Jake.  
  
Jensen gave Jake one last look before he stepped closer to his boyfriend, reaching up and kissing Jared softly.   
  
"About tomorrow," he mumbled against Jared's lips.   
  
"Mmm," Jared responded, deepening the kiss.  
  
When they pulled apart, Jared was smiling and Jensen tried to not think about the fact that he could still feel Jake's eyes on him.   
  
"Come over around three?" Jared said. "We usually eat around five, but I thought we could use some time to relax first."  
  
Jensen smiled at that 'we'; maybe he wasn't the only one who was nervous.   
  
"Okay, that sounds...good," he said.   
  
Jared put an arm around Jensen's shoulders, a gesture that made Jensen feel small and protected.   
  
"And right now, my parents are away, so how about we go to my place and watch...I dunno...Star Wars?"  
  
Jensen made a whiny sound at the suggestion; he loved spending time with Jared, but Star Wars? He suddenly noticed that Jared was staring at him.   
  
"You don't like Star Wars?" Jared asked in disbelief.  
  
Jensen did a little shrug.  
  
"Nah, it's kinda, you know, sucky."  
  
Jared's mouth fell open and he stared at Jensen as if he had just sprouted wings.   
  
"I take it you like Star Wars, eh?" Jensen asked, trying not to sound worried.  
  
"Of course! It's only a cult classic!" he exclaimed. "But...now I guess I know what to do when you bury yourself in homework."  
  
Jensen relaxed again as Jared smiled at him.  
  
"Lets go and watch Queer as Folk, then," Jared said with a grin.  
  
Jensen knew he was turning bright red at the thought of watching that together with Jared.  
  


~*~

  
Jensen watched as Jared flopped out on his bed with a contented sigh. He felt a bit awkward standing there, but he didn't really know if Jared wanted him to share the bed so he stood still, chewing on his lower lip.   
  
"Stop doing that," Jared said, looking over at him.   
  
"Doing what?" Jensen asked.   
  
"You were biting your lip again... It's distracting."  
  
Jensen blushed, but the smile on Jared's face was contagious ad Jensen returned it as he walked over to sit next to Jared. Jared reached out and ran the pad of his thumb over Jensen's lower lip with a tenderness that made Jensen shiver.   
  
"So, if we don't watch TV, I've got another suggestion for how to pass time," Jared said without taking his eyes from Jensen's lips.   
  
"Oh," Jensen breathed out against Jared's fingertips. "Does it involve kissing?"  
  
A slight blush crept up Jared's cheeks, but he nodded and reached out to twine their fingers together, pulling slightly. Jensen looked down at their hands; he lay down next to Jared, head on his shoulder and one hand over Jared's heart. He let himself relax into the embrace as Jared pulled him closer until Jensen was practically on top of him.  
  
Jensen pushed up so he could kiss Jared. He was amazed at how every kiss could be better than the one before; he could feel the electricity between them, a hot pulse in his body as he slipped his tongue into Jared's mouth.   
  
Jared's breathing became heavier as he pulled Jensen fully on top of him, his big hands on Jensen's narrow hips, and they were both moaning softly into each other's mouths. Jensen wove his fingers into Jared's hair, tilting the bigger boy's head to get a better angle to deepen the kiss. His whole body was reacting to the feel of Jared's body under his; they were stretched out lips to lips, chest to chest, their legs tangled together, and Jensen was very aware of the hard line of Jared's cock through the denim of their jeans.  
  
Jared was stroking his fingers over Jensen's hips, slow circling movements as their tongues licked deeper. Then Jared moved his hands, big palms spread wide over Jensen's ass, and Jensen gasped at the intimate touch. He liked Jared's hand on him; that surprised him, it was even more breathtaking than he remembered and that small touch alone sent sparks of want straight to Jensen's cock. When Jared arched up against Jensen, they both moaned, breaking the kiss and breathing heavy into each other's mouths.  
  
"Jen," Jared gasped as he pulled Jensen's hips down.  
  
Jensen moaned again as their cocks rubbed together. He was just about to grind against Jared when a memory broke his concentration.  
  
'People tend to get tired of you pretty fast.'  
  
The thought was like a punch to the gut and without thinking, he scrambled away from Jared, not remembering that he was on a bed until he fell off it and hit the floor hard.  
  
"What... Jen?" Jared sounded perplexed as he sat up and looked at Jensen on the floor.  
  
'No one ever sticks around, ain't that right, pretty one?'  
  
Jensen whimpered as the memory hit him hard and Jared was down beside him in an instant, strong arms wrapping around him.   
  
"Jen, what is it?" Jared asked, pulling Jensen close.   
  
"God, Jared...I'm so sorry," Jensen whimpered against his chest.  
  
"Shhh baby, just tell me, what was it? Did I do something wrong?"   
  
"Jake," Jensen managed to gasp, struggling for air and still clinging tight to Jared.   
  
Jared seemed to understand immediately as he softly kissed Jared's temple and held him closer.   
  
"We don't need to do anything, Jen," he mumbled against Jensen's hair. "As fast or slow as you're willing to go, I'm here for you. And Jen, I won't leave you just because... I won't."  
  
"It's not all I'm good for," Jensen choked out.   
  
"Oh, Jen, I know," Jared mumbled, pressing soft kisses against Jensen's hair.  
  
He held Jensen close as the emotions ripped through him and slowly started to settling down. Jensen clung to Jared all the time, sobbing softly.  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
"You don't have to..." Jared said as they stood on his front porch.  
  
Jensen was pale at his side, small shivers running through his body, and Jared was worried about how the dinner would turn out if Jensen was that scared even before they walked through the front doors.  
  
"Yes, Jay," Jensen said, fixing his eyes on the door. "I really do."  
  
Jared didn't argue. He knew what Jensen meant; he pulled his boyfriend close and kissed him softly before he reached for the door and pushing it open. The hallway was empty and Jared was grateful for that; it might have been too much for Jensen to meet both his parents the second they got through the door. Instead he held Jensen's hand and led him into the kitchen where he could hear his mother preparing dinner.   
  
"Mom," he said as they entered the kitchen. "I want you to meet my boyfriend, Jensen."  
  
Sherri turned around; her smile was big and welcoming as she saw Jensen half hidden behind Jared.   
  
"Hello Mrs. Padalecki," Jensen said, stepping up beside Jared.   
  
"Oh, nothing of that, dear." Sherri smiled. "I'm Sherri, and don't you forget that."  
  
She reached out and pulled Jensen into a hug. Jared could only smile as he saw his boyfriend almost disappear in his mother's embrace.  
  
"We are having tacos," she said as she let him go. "I hope you like that? I thought it was a good idea since watching someone try to eat one always breaks the ice. "  
  
Jensen smiled shyly at that and, seemingly without thinking, stepped closer to Jared again.   
  
"Your father is in the living room, Jay," Sherri said, already half turned to the stove again.  
  
Jared pulled Jensen with him, holding his hand tight as they stepped into the living room and saw his father stretched out on the sofa watching baseball without too much interest.  
  
"Dad," Jared said, watching as his father turned around to look at them. "I...want you to meet..."  
  
"Jensen!" his father said with a smile as he stood up. "Really good to meet you, son. Jared has been talking about you nonstop, you know."  
  
Jared could see his boyfriend turn a deep red colour, but his father seemed not to notice anything.   
  
"I'm Jerry," his father said before Jensen got the chance to open his mouth. "Welcome! I won't embarrass you, but I'm sure my wife will manage that all by herself."  
  
Jared could see Jensen's eyes widen slightly and he squeezed his boyfriend's hands in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.   
  
"Thank you, sir," Jensen said, clenching Jared's hand harder.   
  
Jared gave his dad a smile and started pulling Jensen with him towards his room.  
  
"Boy, call me Jerry, that 'sir' makes me feel like I'm in the army or something. Now go have fun and I'll see you again for dinner."  
  
Jared pulled Jensen faster, praying for his father to not add something about 'but not too much fun,' and he breathed a sigh of relief as the bedroom door closed behind them. Jensen sunk down on the bed and stared up at Jared.  
  
"Your mom's gonna embarrass me?" he said, whiny tone to his voice.   
  
"Uhm, probably?" Jared had to agree. "Not in the bad way, it's just...she...is a mom. It's kinda in her job description."  
  
Jensen swallowed and nodded. Jared thought he looked very much like a deer caught in headlights. He walked over and sat down next to Jensen, taking the smaller boy's hand in his.   
  
"They aren't that bad, Jen," he said softly.  
  
"Bad?" Jensen looked surprised. "I mean, yeah, I'm kinda terrified here but Jared...your parents... I just wish mine..."  
  
Jared saw shiny wetness in Jensen's eyes then, his eyelashes heavy with tears, and he pulled his boyfriend into his arms to stroke soothing circles over his back.  
  
"I can lend you mine," Jared said with a smile. "Really, it's not like I need them all the time."  
  
Jensen made a little sound between a sob and a laugh and wrapped himself around Jared.  
  


~*~

  
The table was covered with small bowls containing everything anyone could ever want on a taco, and then some. Jared's mother seemed to be good at overdoing things. Jared smiled when he saw Jensen's jaw drop as he saw the table.   
  
"Uhm, are there more guests coming?" he asked, looking at the bowls with three different kinds of salsa.   
  
"Nah, this is just Mom not knowing when to stop," Jared laughed. "But I don't mind it, her cooking is amazing and with the leftovers I can have tacos for breakfast!"  
  
"You most certainly cannot," Sherri said as came into the room, carrying a big bowl of salad. "Besides, two teenage boys? I don't think there'll be all that many leftovers."  
  
"Teenagers," Jared said. "It's not the same thing as bottomless pits."  
  
Jared and Jensen sat down beside each other on one side of the table as Sherri and Jerry took the other side and started passing tortillas and nachos around. Jared could see his mother look at Jensen out of the corner of her eye, clearly noticing the puffiness around his eyes and raising a questioning eyebrow at Jared. Jared mouthed 'it's okay' and was grateful when Sherri nodded and returned to the food in front of them.  
  
"So Jensen," Sherri said, pointedly ignoring Jared's low groan. "Jared says you like books?"  
  
Jared looked surprised; he had been sure his mother would start asking questions that would somehow get them all embarrassed, and he really didn't want his boyfriend to be too scared to ever have dinner with them again.  
  
"Oh yes," Jensen said, big smile on his lips right away.  
  
It was fascinating to see Jensen light up at the mention of books; it was like someone had pushed a button as his green eyes sparkled happily. He could see his mother looking surprised at the instant change.   
  
"Are you reading anything special right now?" Jerry asked.  
  
"I just finished reading a book by a Swedish author,The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo," Jensen responded eagerly. "But to be honest, I really didn't get what the hype was all about. Interesting story but, nah. I won't read the other ones."  
  
Jared smiled. He had heard Jensen grumble about that book and was actually surprised that he had finished it at all. But then, Jensen wasn't a quitter, Jared knew that.  
  
"It's a thriller, isn't it?" Sherri asked. "Is that what you usually read?"  
  
"I read everything," Jensen said with a smile as he assembled another taco. "But mostly fantasy and horror. I do love Dean Koontz, for example. But I've been pondering reading The Overton Window, it's on the New York best-seller list and it seems interesting."  
  
The rest of the dinner flowed easily as Jared and his parents kept with the book theme, and Jared could see Jensen relax more and more, even laughing openly a few times.  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
The weekend had been amazing. There really wasn't any other words for it; all of Jensen's fear had drained off him as Jared's parents had started discussing books, and if Jensen had sounded a bit obsessed, no one seemed to mind. But of course, his mind wouldn't allow him to focus on the good things; it never did.  
  
He tried to not think too much of the Friday incident as he walked to school on Monday, but the thoughts wouldn't leave him alone. Jake's words had crawled under his skin. He knew Jared wasn't like that, knew that what was between them was about more than good looks and getting off, but still...he couldn't help it. The fear was churning inside him. What would happen if he gave himself to Jared like that, and the other boy did get bored of him?  
  
Barely registering where his feet took him, he was crossing the parking lot towards the entrance when Jared came up beside him, taking his hand. His sudden appearance made Jensen jump slightly.   
  
"Hey there, was the weather nice wherever you were?" Jared said with a smile. "Daydreaming?"  
  
"Something like that," Jensen said, forcing out a little smile.  
  
He could see from Jared's frown that the smile didn't look genuine, but Jared let it pass, only squeezing Jensen's hand a bit as they kept on walking, fingers still entwined.   
  
"Well, what d'you know, the Golden Couple survived the weekend."  
  
Jensen froze, the way he always seemed to do when that leering voice was mocking him. But Jared's hand was still in his, and the touch was enough for the fear to not be overwhelming. Instead he felt anger rise inside him.   
  
"Run along, Jake," Jared said calmly. "We were having a rather nice morning until you decided to pollute it."  
  
"Why do you keep him around, Jared?" Jake went on. "Hasn't he put out yet? C'mon, it can't be that hard to get Jenny to spread his legs, or go down on his knees."  
  
"Shut up, Jake," Jensen snapped.  
  
"Wow, when did the kitten start growing claws?" Jake laughed, joined in by his ever-present little gang. "Well, that's good. More of a challenge then."  
  
Jensen swallowed hard, trying to fight back angry tears as he kept a tight grip on Jared's hand.  
  
"Really though, Jay, you can't tell me that you don't want him on on his knees. Lips like that are made for..."  
  
Jensen didn't even think about it; the edges of his vision had turned red as anger pushed away every trace of fear, and he let go of Jared's hand to stalk over to Jake.  
  
"Fuck you, Jake!"  
  
The words were almost a growl and Jake looked surprised, opening his mouth to respond; Jensen didn't give him time, taking a tiny step back and punching Jake, hard.  
  


~*~


	12. Chapter 12

**~Jared~**

  
Jared stared at Jake sprawled out on the ground, the skin around his eye already turning a blotchy red. Jared was sure that the black eye would be spectacular.   
  
"You hit me!" Jake said, shock clear in his voice. "You fucking hit me."  
  
Jensen looked just as shocked as Jake. He stood frozen, clutching his hand, and Jared wasn't sure he was even breathing.   
  
Jake pushed himself off the ground. "Just you wait until I tell..."  
  
The threat was enough to snap Jared out of his stunned silence.  
  
"What're you gonna say, Jake?" Jared said, stepping closer to Jake. "Maybe tell them about all the times you bullied Jensen? About all the name calling? About showing up at his home? Or wait, I know, how about you tell them about the locker room? Tell them how you were about to..."  
  
"Jared." His voice was small and broken, but hearing Jensen speak his name was enough to silence Jared mid-sentence.  
  
Jake stared at them both, but Jared could see him pale beneath his tan and he doubted Jake would tell anyone about being hit. Jensen moved to stand next to Jared again, and Jared braided their fingers together. Jake glared at them for a moment, eyes flickering down to their joined hands, before he took a step back.   
  
"Don't think for one second that this is over. Just you wait."  
  
Before either of them could respond, Jake turned and stalked away. His little gang of friends stood confused for a few moments before they wordlessly followed.   
  
Jared turned towards Jensen the second Jake disappeared, and it was lucky he did because Jensen seemed to have reached his limit. His knees gave way underneath him and he toppled forward. Jared was just in time to catch his boyfriend and hold him up as Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared.  
  
"Hey, what's up?" Chad's voice sounded from behind them.   
  
Chad and Misha walked over to them, their smiles turning to worried frowns as they took in the wrongness of the scene.   
  
"What happened?" Misha asked. "Was it Jake?"  
  
"If it was, I'm gonna..." Chad started.  
  
"Jensen hit him," Jared told them.   
  
"What?" two shocked voices said in unison.   
  
"I hit him." The words were a mere whisper, Jensen's face hidden against Jared's neck.   
  
"Jensen?" Chad said in disbelief. "Hit Jake? Jensen?"  
  
Misha didn't even seem to be able to speak, staring at Jensen in wide-eyed surprise.  
  
"Wow, he's gonna be pissed," Chad mumbled.   
  
At Chad's words, Jensen whimpered and pressed closer to Jared, his whole body shivering. Jared glared at Chad as he tried to calm Jensen down.  
  
"Shit, sorry, I didn't think... I mean...fuck," Chad apologized.   
  
Misha had managed to pull himself together and walked over to put one hand on Jensen's shoulder. It surprised Jared; as welcoming as his friends had been to Jensen, they had all realized that touching and hugging might be too much for him, and this was the first time any of them had touched Jensen. But it seemed to be the right thing to do; Jensen relaxed in his arms when Misha squeezed his shoulder. Jared met Misha's gaze over the top of Jensen's head and his friend gave him a small reassuring smile.   
  
"Jen," Misha said. "You do know you aren't alone, right?"  
  
The nickname felt unusual coming from Misha's lips, but it made Jensen look around at him, apparently confused.   
  
"Yeah," Chad agreed. "I know you got Jay, but...you've kinda got all of us now. And we won't let Jake hurt our friend anymore."  
  
Jared felt an urge to wrap their friends in big hugs, and maybe he would have if his arms weren't full of Jensen. Instead he just smiled gratefully.   
  


~*~

  
"You know, I really shouldn't be happy about some one being punched in the face," Sherri said as she put food on the table. "But that guy did deserve it, and I'm kinda happy Jensen got to do it himself. Must've done him good."  
  
Jared laughed at that. Trust his mother to get something like this.  
  
"Both your mother and I are against violence," Jerry added. "But I, for one, am happy about this. Jensen seems to be a sweet boy, and he's good for you. Almost makes me wish he'd punched harder."  
  
"You know, this is bad parenting." Jared grinned.  
  
Megan came in then, a surprised frown on her face as she heard Jared's comment.   
  
"Uh...Jay?" she asked.   
  
"Hey Squirt." Jared smiled. "Mom and Dad are telling me how violence apparently is a good idea if the person doing the punching is pretty enough."  
  
Sherri rolled her eyes and motioned for them to sit down. Megan laughed and slid into the seat next to Jared.  
  
"Is this about the mysterious boyfriend I have yet to meet?" she asked. "Mom said he was...uhm, what was it you said? Something like 'an adorable sweetie'?"  
  
"Megan!" Jared almost choked.  
  
"Well, he is," Sherri said simply. "And he seems tougher than I first thought."  
  
Jared hid his face in his hands as his family kept discussing his boyfriend.  
  
After dinner, he and Megan were doing the dishes together when she returned to the topic of Jensen.  
  
"Really though," she said. "I want to meet him."  
  
"I know, Meg," Jared agreed. "I'll ask him, but he's a bit shy so if he say yes, you have to behave!"  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Jensen's hand hurt. It was a dull, throbbing sort of ache, and it was strangely satisfying. It had also been very satisfying to see the black eye Jake was sporting; the teachers hadn't let him hide behind his sunglasses for long and soon everyone knew about it. Jensen didn't know who had talked, but it was general knowledge that Jensen was the one who had punched Jake.  
  
He had expected people to be angry with him, for the bullying to intensify. What he hadn't expected was the 'Hey Jenny, good job!' that met him when he entered the cafeteria on the second day after the showdown in the parking lot. Jared, of course, laughed happily and pulled Jensen in for a kiss in front of the entire cafeteria. Jensen had been too stunned to protest. Besides, it wasn't like he minded Jared kissing him.   
  
Chad and Misha were constant shadows over the next few days. Between Jared and the two of them, Jensen was never left alone, and he was grateful for that. Jake kept glaring at him, hatred written clearly on his face as the black eye slowly started to fade. It didn't get to Jensen the way it used to, however; he felt stronger now and he knew that Jared's hand in his wasn't the only reason. Jensen felt good, felt almost confident. Usually that meant something bad was coming, but Jensen pushed that thought away. He wanted to be happy.   
  


~*~

  
"You've already met my parents, how can going out for ice cream with my sister be worse than that?" Jared asked. Jensen just glared at him. Parents tried to be polite, but younger siblings? He frowned as he thought about his own sister.   
  
"Jen," Jared said softly. "She wants to meet you, and she's nice. A bit vapid, but...ouch!"  
  
Behind him, a brown-haired girl scowled at Jared, who rubbed his head where she had hit him.   
  
"Jared Tristan Padalecki! I am not vapid! You...you..." She pouted and then slapped Jared across the head again.  
  
Jensen couldn't keep back a snort of laughter at Jared's offended expression; the sound drew Megan's attention and she turned, smile on her face.   
  
"Hi, I'm Megan and you..." She stopped and stared at Jensen with an open mouth.   
  
Jensen bit his lower lip, preparing for whatever was coming next.   
  
"Holy shit!" Megan squealed. "You're gorgeous!"  
  
Jensen turned a deep shade of red and he looked down at the table top.  
  
"Megan," Jared sighed.  
  
"What? He is!" she said, voice high enough to make people turn to look.  
  
"Well, yes," Jared agreed and Jensen blushed even more. "But...stop drooling over my boyfriend."  
  
Megan sat down, eyeing Jensen with open admiration that made his skin crawl a bit. He didn't like people talking about his looks; he was almost expecting 'pretty' to be sneered out any second, but Megan was all smiles and dimples. When Jensen met Jared's gaze, he saw his boyfriend mouth the word 'sorry' before he properly introduced them.   
  
"So," Jared said. "This is my sister, Megan, who apparently isn't vapid, just a bigmouth."  
  
Jensen forced out shaky smile, trying not to be afraid of the thirteen-year old girl.  
  
"Hey Megan."  
  
She practically beamed at him and Jensen could feel his own smile turn more sincere.   
  
He soon found out that Megan shared the rest of the family's love of books and that common ground was enough for one hour to pass without too much awkwardness, even though she kept looking at Jensen too much for his liking. The ice cream he ate was probably good, but he was too nervous to really taste it.   
  
"Okay," Megan said as the discussion started to drift into silence. "I'm gonna head out, Mandy wanted to hang. But Jensen, if you ever get bored of Jay, know that another Padalecki is waiting."  
  
"Megan, that is gross," Jared groaned. "You're just a kid, for crying out loud. Please stop."  
  
Megan just laughed, a pearly sound that followed her out as she went.   
  
"Wow," Jensen mumbled weakly. "She's..."  
  
"A pain in the ass?" Jared suggested.   
  
"I was gonna go with 'intense,' but I see your point."  
  
Jared reached across the table and put his hand over Jensen's, a comforting gesture that had Jensen smiling shyly.  
  
"Hey, I know we took the bus here, but what do you think about walking home?" Jared asked. "It's such a nice day."   
  


~*~

  
"Tell me again why walking was a good idea?" Jensen asked as they ran through an unexpected downpour.   
  
"It wasn't like I knew it would rain," Jared grumbled as Jensen's wet hand grabbed his.  
  
"You just had to point out how nice the weather was. Might as well have done a rain dance while you were at it," Jensen said as the rain intensified. "Did you do a rain dance?"  
  
Jared scowled.   
  
"We're almost home, and then you can borrow some clothes while we toss ours in the dryer, okay?" Jared said.  
  
Jensen didn't answer, but the though of being dressed in Jared's clothes made something warm stir inside him.   
  
When Jared's house came in sight, they were both drenched to the bone, and Jared let them in through a side door that led straight to a small laundry room.   
  
"Grab a towel and get out of the wet stuff, I'm gonna go find us something dry to wear."  
  
Jared wrapped a towel around himself and disappeared into the house, leaving Jensen to stand shivering and nervous in the empty room. He started slowly pulling off his clothes, trying not to think about the fact that Jared would be back soon. He was standing in only his boxer briefs when he heard Jared approaching and with heat rising in his cheeks, he pulled off the last piece of wet clothing and wrapped a towel around his waist.  
  
When Jared came into the room again, he had changed to sweatpants and a long-sleeved tee and was holding some dry clothes in one hand, his own wet ones in the other.   
  
"I brought you some..." He fell silent and stared at Jensen.   
  
Jensen was painfully aware of his own lack of clothes and without thinking, he reached for another towel and draped it over his shoulders to cover himself.   
  
"Hey," Jared said softly as he handed over the dry clothes. "Don't be shy. I know I haven't really said it but...Megan was right; you are gorgeous."  
  
A part of Jensen really wanted to protest, to cringe away from the words, but he could hear sincerity in Jared's voice and none of the mockery that always laced the 'pretty' comments at school.  
  
Jared didn't say anything more about it. He gathered up their wet clothes and put them in the dryer while Jensen stood frozen to the spot.  
  
"I'll wait in my room," Jared said and left.  
  
Jensen looked down at the clothes in his hands, black sweatpants and a soft green hoodie. He dried off but when he slipped into the clothes, they clung to his still damp skin. The pants were too long, pooling around his bare feet and almost making him stumble, and he felt like he was drowning in the hoodie, pushing up the too-long sleeves. But they were soft and warm, and Jared's. Jensen took a deep breath and went after Jared.  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared tried to force himself to think about anything else, but his mind insisted on replaying the scene from the laundry room: Jensen standing in the middle of the room, towel low around his narrow hips, skin glistening from the rain. Jensen was beautiful, Jared knew he was, but actually seeing him like that, the real version and not just a dream, had been overwhelming. He had been struck with an urge to touch Jensen's freckled skin, to lick away water from his flat belly. By the time Jared had left the room, he had been rock hard; now he was sitting on his bed, pillow clutched on his lap, trying to will his erection away before Jensen joined him.   
  
"Hey," came a small voice from the door.   
  
When he looked up he saw Jensen standing in the doorway, dressed in Jared's clothes and looking at him hesitantly. Jared really hoped he hadn't ruined anything by calling attention to Jensen's looks. But then Jensen smiled and walked over to him, climbing up on the bed and melding himself to Jared's side, wrapping one around around his waist and putting his other hand over Jared's heart.  
  
"Thank you," he mumbled.   
  
Jared knew it was about more than dry clothes, about more than the compliment. He didn't say anything but pulled Jensen up for a kiss.  
  
The smaller boy let out a whimper and he melted into it, hot silky tongue meeting Jared's in slow twist and curls.  
  
Heat pooled in Jared's belly, rising slowly as the kisses turned more eager. His hand stroked down over Jensen's side until it rested on his hip and Jared couldn't stop a moan when he realized that Jensen didn't have anything on underneath the thin fabric of the sweatpants. Jensen mirrored his moan and pushed closer; Jared could feel the hard line of his cock against his own hip.  
  
Jared's fingers dug deep into Jensen's skin before he could stop himself, a surge of want shooting through his body. He suddenly remembered the last time things had heated up between them and tried to pull away before Jensen could freak out; what he hadn't expected was for Jensen to cling to him almost desperately.  
  
"Jared," he mumbled, his voice needy. "Don't stop."  
  
Jared forced them apart enough to look Jensen in the eyes.  
  
"Jen, are you sure?"  
  
Green eyes met his, pupils blown wide, and Jared could still see fear lingering but more than that he could see lust and need. Jensen nodded. For a moment Jared tried to resist, afraid to jeopardize anything between them.   
  
"Please," Jensen whimpered.  
  
That small word was enough to shatter what little resistance was left in Jared and with one quick movement, he pushed Jensen down on his back, hovering over him.   
  
"Jen, I want you so much," he said softly.  
  
Jensen met his gaze, smile on his lips, and made a small, barely visible nod before he surged up to press their lips together again. This time neither of them tried to hold back—the kisses were heated and urgent, picking up even more as Jared let his hands slip under Jensen's hoodie, marvelling at how soft the skin felt under his fingertips. Then Jensen's fingers sneaked under Jared's tee and the heat inside Jared spiked like never before, his breath catching in his throat.  
  
"Off," Jared groaned, his voice hoarse as he pulled at the hem of Jensen's hoodie.  
  
Jensen willingly arched up and Jared pulled the garment off him, letting his own shirt follow it as he threw them down on the floor. He hesitated, hands on Jensen's hips where soft skin disappeared under loose sweatpants; Jensen bit down on his lip but raised his hips in an invitation and Jared removed his last piece of clothing, eyes riveted on the pale skin being revealed to him for the first time. The dusting of freckles on Jensen's face continued down his body—not as rich as on his face but fully visible even in the sparse lightning of Jared's bedroom. Jared knew he wanted to map every single one with his fingers and tongue.  
  
Jensen was blushing, eyes half lidded and drifting away from Jared as he shifted a bit on the bed. Before things could get awkward between them, Jared slid his own sweatpants off and stretched out over Jensen, holding himself up as he kissed the smaller boy deeply until the tension drained away and Jensen was pressing up against him. Jared moved, aligning their dicks, and they moaned at the sweet friction of skin against skin, both slick with precome.   
  
Jared knew what he wanted, had known since the dream, and he slid down Jensen's body, trailing soft kisses over his chest and belly until he was kneeling between Jensen's slightly bowed legs. Jensen was panting, small needy sounds that turned to keening as Jared flicked his tongue out to lick over the head of Jensen's cock. The salty taste shot pure want straight to his groin. With one swift movement, he took Jensen's cock as deep as he could, tongue caressing the underside as he bobbed his head up and down, hollowing out his cheeks.  
  
Jensen arched up from the bed, trying to push deeper into Jared's mouth, and Jared had to put his hands on the boy's hip to keep him pinned down. Jared loved the feel of Jensen on his tongue, heavy warmth filling his mouth and when he made a little humming sound, Jensen's fingers dug into the comforter, hips struggling to snap up.   
  
"Jay," Jensen moaned, voice broken raw with need. "So close...gonna..."  
  
He put one hand on the back of Jared's head, pulling slightly at his hair, but Jared had no plans of stopping; instead he took Jensen deep, swallowing around the hard cock as he moved one hand down to rub his fingertip over Jensen's hole, soft circling movements without pressing inside. That was all it took for Jensen to come hard, head thrown back as he pumped into Jared's mouth, thick spurts of come that Jared swallowed greedily, licking through the aftershocks to get every drop. He pulled back, Jensen's cock slipping from his lips with a wet pop, and sat up on his knees, looking down at the boy on the bed. Jensen was gasping for air, his body still shivering from the orgasm and his skin flushed with arousal. He was the most beautiful thing Jared had ever seen and he could feel his cock twitch, rock hard length demanding release.   
  
Jared moved up, licking his way into Jensen's mouth, letting the boy taste himself in the kiss. Jensen moved underneath him, reaching down to wrap one hand around Jared's cock. The touch took Jared by surprise and he pulled in a ragged breath as his hips snapped forward into Jensen's grip. Jensen's tongue in his mouth, eagerly mapping up every part, combined with his hand stroking was enough for Jared to feel his orgasm building quickly inside of him, heat like molten lava and pleasure crackling under his skin. Jensen flicked his thumb up over the head, rubbing into the slit, and Jared was pushed over the edge, hot come shooting over both their bellies and covering Jensen's hand.  
  
As his orgasm was ebbing out, Jared lay panting next to Jensen, their bodies touching as they both tried to get their breathing to calm down. Bodies still a sticky mess, they dozed off side by side, not needing to exchange any words.   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
His clothes were still warm from the dryer as Jensen walked home, a sated smile on his kiss-swollen lips; he was happier than he could remember being in a very long time. He thought of Jared, of the way he had looked kneeling between Jensen's legs, the way he had looked when Jensen stroked him to orgasm. A warm feeling settled inside of Jensen at the memory.  
  
Lost in his own little world, he didn't notice the car parked outside his house as he pushed the door open and went inside. He could hear his parents talking in the living room and his dad calling for him to join them.   
  
"Jensen," his mother said, meeting him just outside the door. "Where have you been? Never mind, we have a guest for dinner, he started working at your father's company a few days ago and he mentioned that the two of you had met. Come inside."  
  
Jensen frowned a bit but followed his mother inside. Suddenly he felt like all the world was crashing around him, unable to catch a breath as the man inside turned around to face him.   
  
"Hello Jensen," Justin said, smiling.  
  


~*~


	13. Chapter 13

**~Jensen~**

  
Justin couldn't be there. Couldn't be standing in Jensen's living room, couldn't be smiling next to his parents. But he was. The world didn't feel real anymore; something had tilted it, spun it around, smashed it to pieces and put it back together all wrong.   
  
"Jensen!" his mother's voice snapped. "Aren't you going to say hello?"  
  
"Justin," was all Jensen could get out, the name bitter in his mouth.  
  
"Justin said you met when he was working in that little bookstore?" Jensen's father said. He turned to Justin with a grin. "It must be nice to do something better with your life than just selling books."  
  
Jensen could see it, the small telltale twitch in the corner of Justin's mouth, the ghost of a smirk.   
  
"Oh, yes sir, but sometimes you find fun...things...among all the books. Things that are good distractions."  
  
His parents didn't seem to hear the leer in Justin's words, but Jensen did, and it felt like the boy might as well have reached out and slapped him. He didn't stop to think; for once, he actually thought running was the right way to go, so he turned around and left the room, ignoring his mother calling his name.  
  
At first he moved towards his own room, but it wasn't his safe haven anymore. Jared was. So he left the house, and started running back the way he had come.   
  


~*~

  
Even months after he had last heard it, Jensen could easily recognize the sound of Justin's car as it came up beside him. He had planned to keep walking, to ignore Justin in every way possible, to get to Jared as fast as he could, but Justin wouldn't have it. The car pulled over and Justin was walking beside Jensen in no time.  
  
"Aww, Jenny, that wasn't very well-behaved, was it?"  
  
Jensen stopped, closed his eyes, and tried to focus on his own breathing, on the too-rapid rise and fall of his chest as he fought to get it under control.  
  
"Your parents seemed upset; I, of course, offered to go after you, to calm you down. You know, I think they really like me."  
  
"Why are you doing this, Justin?" Jensen asked, and wasn't that the question he had been asking himself for so long?  
  
"You know, I never planned this," Justin said, putting one hand on Jensen's chest and pushing him up against one of the trees that lined the sidewalk. "Any of it. I just met Tom and... Oh, Jenny, how could you ever pass him up?"  
  
The rough bark of the tree cut into Jensen's back and he wished someone would show up, that someone could make Justin stop talking. Jensen didn't want to hear the answer. He knew he didn't.  
  
"Shut up," he mumbled, fighting back the tears.  
  
"Oh, but you asked, Jenny," Justin said with a laugh. "I wanted Tom from the first time I saw him, but I didn't know who he was. Not until after. And you know what? It really didn't matter. I wanted, and I always get what I want."  
  
Justin's hand was still on his chest, moving in lazy circles, and the touch that used to send sparks of pleasure through Jensen now caused his belly to churn in an unpleasant way. He tried to cringe away from it, but Justin just moved closer, pressing in against Jensen, mouth close to his ear.   
  
"But no," he said, no more than a whisper. "You...you didn't want to share me, did you, Jenny? At first I only wanted Tom, but that night with you, oh, you moaned so pretty. I wanted you both...but you turned me down. We could have had so much fun together, and you said no. I didn't like that, Jenny, didn't like that at all."  
  
"What?" he gasped. "You...no..."  
  
"Tom would have shared, Jenny, you know that. He wanted you, we both did. We could have made it good for you, but you turned him down, and then you turned me down? That's not what we wanted."  
  
"It's...not Jenny," Jensen gritted out. "My name is Jensen."  
  
Justin laughed and let him go.  
  
"I heard you punched Jake. Didn't think you had it in you, Jenny," he said. "Jake is such a good little pup, does whatever we say just for a chance to get what you turned down."  
  
"You're sick."  
  
"Oh no, Jenny, I'm just...determined. Just think about it: Let us have our way, and Jake will back off. Simple as that."  
  
With that, he turned around and returned to his car, leaving Jensen sagging against the tree.  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Sherri was looking at Jared with a knowing smile on her lips, a smile that made Jared blush every time he caught it. Sometimes he did wonder if maybe his mother could read minds.   
  
"Did you boys get caught in the rain?" she asked sweetly. Jared was just about to say 'no' when she continued. "I just thought, you know, with the amount of wet towels in the laundry room."  
  
Damn. He knew he had forgotten something, but he had spent two hours dozing next to a naked Jensen; it really wasn't that strange for him to have forgotten about stupid things like wet towels.   
  
"Yeah, we decided to walk home and...yeah...rain," he mumbled, and Sherri nodded.  
  
"Well, I hope you made sure to get him out of those wet clothes," she said.  
  
"Mom!" Jared gasped.   
  
Sherri laughed as she reached out and patted him on the head; she laughed even more at Jared's affronted face.   
  
"Sweetie, you need to work on your poker face. Just...be safe? Take care of that boy."  
  
Jared nodded shyly, and when he heard a knocking on the front door, he jumped at the opportunity to leave the room before his mother could say another word. He was still blushing, but there was a smile on his lips as he opened the door.   
  
"Jen!"  
  
He saw his boyfriend jump slightly and that was when he realized something was wrong. Really wrong. Jensen was shivering despite the heat that had returned after the rain, and he didn't look up towards Jared, just stood there on the porch. It was the old Jensen, the scared boy Jared had fought so hard to bring out of his shell, to turn into someone who believed in himself. But there he was, shoulders hunched and skin pale despite the slight tan he had gotten lately.   
  
"Oh God, Jen, what is it?"  
  
A quick step forward and Jensen was in his arms, but he tensed up at the touch. Jared felt like crying as he felt the tension that hadn't really been between them lately come back with full force.  
  
"Justin."  
  
The word was low enough that Jared might have thought he had imagined it if it hadn't been for the shiver that ran through Jensen. It was enough to have Jared's tears falling. Justin had reduced his happy, smiling boyfriend back to the scared boy he had been at the start of semester. Jared wanted to go find him, to scream at him, to hurt him. But he had more important things to take care of; he needed to take care of the boy in his arms, who was clearly fighting to keep together any kind of control. He was there, at Jared's place. Asking for help.  
  
"Jared, who was..." Sherri fell silent as he saw them standing outside the door.   
  
Jensen tensed up even more in his arms, but his sobbing increased and his hands were grabbing at Jared's shirt, fisting the fabric tight.   
  
"Take him to your room. He stays here tonight," Sherri said with a determined voice.  
  
Jared just nodded and pulled his boyfriend with him, leaving the front door wide open. There was no way he was letting go of Jensen, not for any reason.   
  


~*~

  
Jared was on his back on the bed, head propped up on a few pillows, with Jensen pulled up close beside him, his head buried against Jared's shoulder and his tears wetting Jared's tee. Jared didn't dare to speak as he held Jensen close, one hand stroking softly over his hair. Jared thought they had been like that for hours when Jensen finally started talking.  
  
"He was at...the house."  
  
It was barely a whisper, but the words struck like a sledgehammer, and Jared felt a heavy weight on his chest making it hard to breathe.   
  
"At your house?" he asked, forcing calm into his voice as he noticed that Jensen used the words 'the house' instead of 'my house.'  
  
"With my parents," Jensen whispered. "He works with my dad now, and... I couldn't. I just left."  
  
Jared had fought against Jensen's urge to run from day one, but this time he was happy that Jensen had followed his instincts. The happiness faded when the boy went on talking.   
  
"He came after me... Found me a few blocks away..."  
  
Jared pulled the boy closer through the rest of the story, and when Jensen fell silent again, Jared found himself lost for words. They held each other until Jensen fell asleep in Jared's arms, totally exhausted from the emotional roller coaster.  
  
He was almost falling asleep when he looked up to find his mother standing in the doorway, her eyes on Jensen and a frown on her face. Jared shifted on the bed, trying not to disturb the boy in his arms; Jensen only made a little snuffling sound and curled up against Jared.   
  
"We need to do something," Sherri said in a low voice.   
  
Jared looked down at Jensen.  
  
"Yeah, we really do," he agreed.   
  
"I know you don't want me to talk to teachers," his mother said. "But I really think we need to talk to his parents. at least. He must be able to feel safe in his own home."  
  
"You heard?"  
  
"Sorry, but yes." Sherri nodded.   
  
"It's okay, I guess," Jared said, running his fingers through Jensen's hair. "I wouldn't want him to have to tell that story again."   
  
"I'll take you both there tomorrow, and we can talk to them."  
  
Sherri smiled a little and turned around to leave.   
  
"Mom."  
  
"Yeah?" She looked back over her shoulder.  
  
"Thanks," Jared said simply.  
  
Sherri walked back into the room and over to the bed. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to Jared's forehead; with a smile, she did the same thing to Jensen before she left.  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
The room was pitch black when Jensen woke up and for a few seconds he could feel panic clawing inside him. Suddenly his mind cleared enough for him to be able to notice the strong arm that was wrapped around his waist, the firm body pressed close to his own. His breathing settled when he remembered that he was in Jared's bed, in Jared's arms.   
  
He lay still in the darkness, thinking about the previous day; he could feel shame colouring his cheeks red. For awhile, he had really thought that he had made progress, that he was stronger, but seeing Justin had made it all come crashing down over him again. He thought about what Justin had said, how tied up with Tom it all was. With Tom and Jake and everything.   
  
"Stop thinking about it," came Jared's voice softly behind him.   
  
"I thought you were sleeping." Jensen sighed. "And...I can't stop thinking. I should have just said yes...to Tom. And none of this would have happened... That would've been better."  
  
"No," Jared said firmly. "Don't you dare think like that. Tom, Justin, they're nothing. You are everything. God, don't you know that? They're insane, sociopaths, I dunno. But you, Jensen...you're brilliant."  
  
Jensen tried to believe him, tried to let the words actually get to him, but he couldn't see it. He couldn't understand what Jared saw in him. He turned around in the bed, wanting to be able to look at Jared, and lay down again with his head on Jared's arm.   
  
"If I had said yes to T..."  
  
Jared put one hand over Jensen's mouth.  
  
"Stop it, stop with the 'what if's," Jared said, leaning in for a small, chaste press of lips. "We can get through this, we will get through this."  
  
"But what if..."  
  
Jared silenced him again and Jensen sighed against the hand over his mouth.  
  
"Here's a 'what if' for you, Jen," Jared said. "What if none of any of this had happened, do you think we would be what we are now?"  
  
Jensen looked at Jared, taking the question in. All the months of pain, all the crying and all the fear, and now he had Jared. Was it worth it? One look into Jared's eyes and Jensen knew without a doubt: Yes. It was worth it if he got to have Jared.   
  
"But, I'm so broken," Jensen whispered.  
  
"You aren't broken. You're strong, you're still you, despite all that's happened you are you. And don't you dare change, then you wouldn't be the boy I fell in love with."  
  
Jensen gasped and he could see Jared's eyes widen with surprise at his own words. The silence stretched out between them, tension building up with each soft breath in the quiet dark.   
  
"Shit," Jared said, and Jensen was sure he would take the words back. "That was not how I had planned to tell you."  
  
"You're...with me...?"  
  
Jared was blushing, barely noticable in the dark but it made something inside Jensen warm up. He wasn't used to Jared being shy in any way.  
  
"Well, yeah. I'm in love with you," Jared said with a little smile. "Really though, I wanted to let you know in a better way than this."  
  
Jensen tried to speak, but he could only stare at Jared until he noticed that Jared looked a bit worried, maybe even hurt.   
  
"It's okay, it's not like I... Sorry, I don't expect you to...sorry..." Jared stumbled over his words.  
  
"I love you," Jensen said without thinking.  
  
Jared's smile was blinding, all teeth and dimples as he leaned in and crushed their lips together and Jensen clung to him, terrified and soaring with happiness at the same time.  
  
Jensen was surprised when he found his own body responding to the kiss, sparks of want shooting through him. He pushed closer to Jared until his boyfriend was on his back on the bed and Jensen was half on top of him, trading eager kisses and soft licks and bites at Jared's lower lip.  
  
"You need to slow down or..." Jared mumbled against his lips.   
  
"I want this," Jensen said. "I want to feel you, be yours... Make me yours."  
  
"Jen, is this because of Justin? 'Cause I don't..."  
  
Jensen pushed up from Jared and looked down on him before he moved to straddle his boyfriend.  
  
"Jared, all of this has been about Tom and Justin. I want something that is only about us. I want to remember you, not them. Please."  
  
He barely dared to meet Jared's eyes until he felt big hands on his hips, fingers pushing at the hem of his tee. Jensen moved to help him, pulling the garment off and shivering as Jared's fingers moved over the soft skin of his waist. A small whimper escaped him and Jensen bit his lower lip to stifle the sound; the small movement seemed to catch Jared's attention, his eyes turning dark as he pulled Jensen in for a deep kiss. Jensen barely knew how they had gotten from comforting each other to desperately tugging at clothes, but he was past the point of caring. All he wanted was to feel Jared in every way possible.   
  
Jared's hands worked on Jensen's jeans and he growled when he was unable to get them off with Jensen straddling him. Jensen moved away, pushing his jeans and boxers down while Jared got rid of his own clothes; Jensen pushed himself back on top of Jared, both of them gasping as skin touched skin and their cocks dragged against each other.  
  
Jensen couldn't sit still. He circled his hips, pushing against Jared, pulling moans from both of them as the tension rose between them. Jared stroked his hands over Jensen's waist and chest, then over his back, blunt nails rasping over sensitive skin, and Jensen gasped into Jared's mouth.  
  
"Jen, bedside table..." Jared mumbled.  
  
Jensen reached out and pulled open the drawer and understood right away what Jared wanted him to get. On top of a few magazines lay a bottle of lube and some condoms. For a few seconds, Jensen just looked at them, wondering if they had been there long, if Jared had planned this, but then his hand closed around the objects and he slipped down from Jared, stretching out on the bed. He met Jared's gaze and pushed the bottle and the little foil pack to him.  
  
"Are you..." Jared started, but then he just smiled. "You're gorgeous. Want you so much."  
  
Jensen watched as Jared popped the lube open and spread liberal amounts of it on his fingers. Without letting go of Jensen's gaze, he lowered his hand. The touch made Jensen gasp, cold and slick fingers against his hole; the small touch had his hips bucking up, begging for more. When Jared pushed a finger inside, Jensen couldn't stop the keening sound that spilled from his lips.   
  
"Jay, oh God, more."  
  
A second finger was pushed inside, a slight burn that Jensen welcomed as he pushed down, forcing Jared's fingers deeper. He could feel Jared scissor his fingers, stretching Jensen open and pushing against his prostate.   
  
"Please Jay," he gasped out, "I'm ready, wanna feel you."  
  
Jared nodded and reached for the condom, ripping it open with his teeth as he pulled his fingers out. Jensen whimpered at the empty feeling, but he looked down his own body, down to Jared kneeling between his spread legs, and watched Jared's hands as he rolled the condom on and slicked himself before moving forward, positioning himself against Jensen's hole.   
  
"Okay?" Jared asked, voice rougher than Jensen had ever heard before.   
  
Jensen didn't think he could speak, and he didn't even try. Instead he nodded and pushed his hips against Jared; a moan spilled from his lips as he felt Jared sliding in with excruciating slowness. It was a burning pleasure, being stretched open, but Jensen craved more and he moved his hips to meet Jared's, pulling his boyfriend deeper inside. Jared shivered and tried to stifle a loud moan as he bottomed out inside Jensen.   
  
"Mmmm, Jared..." Jensen mumbled, wrapping his legs around Jared's waist.   
  
The burning slowly faded away and let Jensen focus fully on the hard cock inside him, pleasure overtaking his mind completely. Then Jared started to move. The sweet friction had Jensen moaning, clutching at the sheets as he arched up against Jared, almost screaming as Jared brushed against his prostate with a snap of his hips that had Jensen seeing stars.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
It was everything Jared had dreamt about, and then some. Jensen was hot and tight around him and so beautiful, all stretched out on the bed, body moving up in rhythm with Jared's thrusts. Jared bent over Jensen, crushing their lips together, swallowing the moans and whimpers that Jensen couldn't hold back as Jared circled his hips, pushing deep into Jensen.   
  
"Love you," Jared moaned, not removing his lips from Jensen's.   
  
"God," Jensen gasped. "Love you too."  
  
Their pace was slow; hands moved over sweat damp skin and their tongues tangled together in long, deep kisses. Jared could feel his orgasm building, a trickle of heat down his spine, and he reached down to touch Jensen, bringing them both to the edge. Jensen's legs were tight around his waist as he arched into the touch, soft, broken words spilling from his lips.   
  
"Jared...oh...Jared. Love you. Jared."  
  
The last word ended in a whimpered moan as Jensen came, pulsing in Jared's hand, and his body became even tighter, ass squeezing Jared to bring him over the edge as well.   
  


~*~

  
When he woke up in the morning, Jared still held a sleeping Jensen in his arms, the boy's naked body fitting perfectly against Jared's. Jared wondered what had woken him up when he heard a soft knock on the door.  
  
"Yes?" he said with a sleep-rough voice.   
  
Jensen mumbled something in his sleep.  
  
"Are you decent?" came Sherri's voice from the other side of the door.   
  
Jared looked around the room. They had cleaned themselves up the night before, but he knew the room still smelled of sex and that in combination with his mother was not something he wanted to deal with, ever.  
  
"Not really," he answered and pretended he didn't hear her amused snort.   
  
"Breakfast in thirty, then we'll go talk to Jensen's parents."  
  
Jared had been sure Jensen was asleep, but at those words, the boy sat straight up in bed, staring at Jared in shock.  
  
"What?" he gasped, half choking on the word.   
  
"Uhm, yeah, Mom wanted to talk to your parents. About...everything, I guess? And I think you should let her."  
  
Jensen's mouth opened and closed a few times but no words crossed his lips.   
  
"And I'll be there for you, by your side, holding your hand. Okay baby?" Jared said a bit nervously.  
  
Jensen still looked terrified, but Jared's words seemed to get to him; some of the tension drained away from his shoulders and he nodded weakly.  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
The car parked on the street just in front of Jensen's house and Sherri stepped out. Jensen still sat frozen in the back seat. Jared's hand reached out and grabbed his, tugging softly, and Jensen followed him up the walk; they were almost at the porch when Sherri stopped to give Jensen a hug. Jared's hand was firm in his as he leaned in to brush his lips against Jensen's ear and whisper:  
  
"I love you."  
  
Jensen squeezed his hand and took the last few steps up to the front door.  
  


~*~


	14. Chapter 14

**~Jensen~**

  
"Jensen, where have you been?"  
  
His mother was almost screaming when she saw him standing in the doorway. Jensen flinched at the volume of her voice and almost backed away when she moved to throw her arms around him. He stood frozen to the spot, shocked; she never hugged him, hadn't in years.   
  
"Don't you dare take off like that again, we were so worried! And poor Justin, whatever could he have been thinking?"  
  
Justin's name snapped him out of his frozen state and he took a step back from his mother, into Jared's waiting arms. His mother's gaze snapped over to Jared and Sherri standing behind Jensen, her annoyed worry replaced with confusion.  
  
"Jared? And this is...?"  
  
"Sherri Padalecki," Sherri said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I need to talk to you, and your husband."  
  
"What? Why? What on earth do we have to talk about?" Donna said, suddenly defensive.   
  
"About your son," Sherri said calmly.  
  
Jensen's father walked into the room, stopped, and looked around, taking in the apparent tension as a small frown creased his forehead.   
  
"What's happening here?"  
  
"This...woman says she need to talk to us about Jensen," Donna said with a frown to match her husband's.  
  
"Mrs. Padalecki?" Alan said, looking between Sherri and Jared. "I don't see how anything about Jensen would concern you."  
  
Jensen thought it looked like a car crash waiting to happen. His parents were growing angry, but he doubted that either of them had anything on Jared's mother. Sherri looked like she was about the explode and Jensen felt truly grateful that he had someone like her on his side.   
  
"Oh it concerns me, alright!" Sherri said with steel in her voice. "As long as Jared cares about Jensen, so do I. I'm pretty sure I care more than either of you two, actually."  
  
"How dare you!" Alan barked.   
  
"How dare you?" Sherri shot back, stunning both Ackleses into silence. "You don't see anything! Your own son has gone through hell and you didn't even notice. You chose to not see."  
  
Jensen wrapped his arm around Jared's waist, seeking comfort away from his parents, away from the argument.   
  
"Don't be silly, Jensen would have told us if anything was happening," Donna said cooly.   
  
Jensen could barely believe his ears. Did his parents really think that? They had barely talked to him since the day he came out to them, but they still thought he would confide in them?  
  
"Oh, well, then I guess you know all about Jensen being bullied at school?" Sherri said, sugary sweet sarcasm dripping from her words.   
  
Jensen shivered and turned around in Jared's embrace, leaning his forehead against his boyfriend's chest, hiding away from his parents as they both turned towards him. Jared wrapped both arms around Jensen and held him close.  
  
"Jensen?" his mother said.   
  
"Son, what is she talking about? Surely she must have misunderstood something," Alan added.   
  
Jensen couldn't answer them. Jared was the only one he had been able to talk to. Jared seemed to understand; arms tight around Jensen, he faced Donna and Alan and started talking.   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
It wasn't something he had planned to do. When his mother had told them she wanted to talk to Jensen's parents, Jared had known he would come along; there was simply no way he would leave Jensen alone to deal with something like that. He hadn't planned to speak, only to hold Jensen. But when Donna and Alan turned to Jensen, he knew that he had to talk, knew that Jensen wouldn't be able to.   
  
"I won't tell you exactly what or why," Jared started. "It's not my story to tell. But Jensen was alone before we met. Totally alone in a school of hundreds of students. And that...man...who you brought here yesterday? He's one of the people who's behind it."  
  
"Don't be silly," Donna said, "Justin is a sweet boy. And he doesn't even go to Jensen's school, so I don't see how..."  
  
"He's my ex," Jensen mumbled against Jared's chest.  
  
"What?" Donna gasped. "No, wait, I really don't want to know!"  
  
"Well you're gonna find out," Jared snapped angrily as he felt Jensen shiver in his arms. "Justin and his new boyfriend decided that they didn't like Jensen turning them down—yes, 'them,' both of them, so they made a group of students at school start harassing him. And everyone else just went along with it. And you think he would tell you about that? Because you've been so understanding since you found out he's gay?"  
  
Both Donna and Alan stared at him open-mouthed, but Jared stood his ground, feeling his mother's soothing presence by his side.   
  
"We aren't..." Donna started.   
  
"We don't mind..." Alan said at the same time.   
  
"You aren't?" Sherri asked calmly. "From where I'm standing, it sure looks like you are."  
  
"It's not what we want for our son," Donna said, straightening up. "We don't mind it, but he could do better than...being like that."  
  
"No I couldn't," Jensen said, voice a bit stronger that time.  
  
"Of course you could, son," Alan said. "Find a nice girl and settle down. We don't mind gay people, we just..."  
  
"Don't want your son to be one?" Jared asked with a hard tone.   
  
Jensen pressed closer to Jared.  
  
"I couldn't do better than Jared," Jensen said without looking at his parents. "He saved me."  
  
Jared could feel his chest tighten and tears gather in his eyes at those words; at his side, Sherri gave a small gasp, her eyes glistening wet as well.  
  
"Jensen, stop being melodramatic," Alan said with a sigh. "So some kids at school gave you a hard time, it's not like..."  
  
"Mom," Jared said with a hard voice. "I think I'd like to take Jensen home."  
  
"He is home," Donna said. "You can't just... We're his family!"  
  
"Then start acting like it!" Jared said, feeling tears start to fall down his face. "You don't even want to listen, you don't want to understand. Did you even notice that he was taking pills? That he nearly overdosed on them? Of course you didn't, you don't see anything!"  
  
It wasn't until he heard Jensen gasp that Jared realized what he had just said. He could see Jensen's parents pale as Sherri stared at him.   
  
"You didn't tell me..." she said weakly, but then she collected herself and turned towards Donna. "I will take him home with me, he's free to stay with us for as long as he wants to. Boys, go fetch some of Jensen's clothes."  
  
Jared ushered Jensen out of the room, the boy shivering violently in his arms. As soon as Jensen's bedroom door closed behind them, Jared nudged Jensen's chin up, forcing him to meet Jared's eyes.   
  
"I'm so sorry, Jen," Jared said softly. "I didn't mean to tell them, it wasn't my thing to do."  
  
Jensen's green eyes were glistening wet with unshed tears, and his lower lip was swollen and red where he had been biting hard at it. Jared reached out and wiped away the moisture from Jensen's long eyelashes before he kissed that swollen lip softly. Jensen gave one last shiver before he relaxed into the kiss, wrapping both arms around Jared's neck.  
  
"Sorry, so sorry," Jared mumbled against Jensen's full lips.   
  
Jensen pulled back a little and looked up at Jared.   
  
"Now they know, I guess...I dunno. Might be good?" Jensen sighed and looked around the room. "Should I pack? How much? God, what's happening, Jared?  
  
"You'll come stay with me for a few days, while your parents get their heads out of their asses," Jared said as he walked over to the closet and started pulling out some clothes. "And hopefully they'll come around, and everything will be better."  
  
"And if they don't?" Jensen said, his voice hollow.   
  
Jared looked over towards him. Jensen was standing in the middle of the floor with a few shirts in his hands, his gaze flickering around the room nervously and his breath coming in fast and hectic puffs of air. Jared walked over to him and took the shirts away, placing them on the bed, before he put his hands on Jensen's shoulders.   
  
"We'll deal, no matter what. You and me, Jen," he said. "But honestly? They care, your mom was clearly scared after you left yesterday. So they care, it's just...well...they just need to realize the obvious thing."  
  
"And what is that?" Jensen asked with a small smile.   
  
"That their son is wonderful, and that being gay doesn't change that at all."  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Jared picked up the small bag and slung it over his shoulder while Jensen stood at the door, looking around his room and trying to make sense of what was happening. So much of what he had kept hidden was out there now, and so much remained to be told. He took a firm grip of Jared's hand as they walked back to the living room; as they drew closer, they could hear Sherri speak.  
  
"...might be hard for you, but I swear, it's been harder for him. Your son is amazingly strong, I think you should appreciate that."  
  
Jensen stopped, holding Jared back; he really wanted to hear what his parents had to say.   
  
"If what you say is true, then nothing of this would have happen if he wasn't gay," Alan said, sounding annoyed. "Your son seems nice enough, but Jensen..."  
  
"Jensen loves him," Sherri interrupted. "And that's all that should matter. Now, I'm taking Jensen with me, 'cause he needs to be able to feel safe, and you invited his tormentor into your home. Until you can assure me that Justin Hartley will be kept away from Jensen, I want him to stay with us."  
  
"Justin Hartley is a nice young man!" Alan said. "He is an asset to my firm and..."  
  
"And he has hurt your son. It's time you figure out what's more important, your firm or your son."  
  
Jared's hand squeezed Jensen's and pulled him forward into the room. Sherri turned around and smile softly as she saw them.   
  
"All packed? Good, lets go." She started walking towards the front door and Jensen hesitated just a moment before he followed her, Jared's hand still in his.  
  
"I gave you our address, and phone number. Think about this, and once you've made up your minds, give me a call. Either way you decide," Sherri said. She wrapped an arm around Jensen's shoulders, leading him out of the house.  
  


~*~

  
Safe inside Jared's bedroom, Jensen allowed himself to break down. He curled into a ball in the middle of Jared's bed and cried, hard, ragged sobs that hurt with each breath he took, all the time with Jared's strong arms around him.  
  
The evening was spent in bed, talking until Jensen's eyelids started to droop. He fell asleep in the middle of Jared telling him a story about himself and Sandy as kids.  
  
When Jensen woke up the following morning, it was to the sight of Jared sitting on the side of the bed, holding a tray with sandwiches and two tall glasses of orange juice.  
  
"Morning, sleepyhead," he said. "Time to get up or we'll be late to school."  
  
Jensen sat up, blushing when he realized that his only clothing were a pair of green boxer briefs. Clearly Jared had undressed him after he had fallen asleep. He pulled the sheet up some, trying to cover himself, but then he stopped. It was Jared, after all, his boyfriend who he loved, who he had made love with. Jensen dropped the sheet and he didn't miss the way Jared's eyes went soft and warm as he noticed it.   
  
"Morning," Jensen said, his voice sleep-rough, as he leaned in to give Jared a quick kiss. Jared smiled and crawled up in the bed to sit down next to Jensen. They ate their sandwiches in silence until Sherri knocked on the door.   
  
"Jared, I'll be home late tonight, think you two can throw together a salad or something? And make sure that Megan does that homework she's been putting off?"  
  
"Sure Mom," Jared said around a big bite of bread.  
  
"And Jensen, try to make sure Jared doesn't eat all the cookies I baked last night?"  
  
"Sure Mrs...Sherri," Jensen said, once again shamefully aware of his sparse clothing.   
  
Sherri looked at the two of them for a moment before she gave them a fond smile.  
  
"It's nice to have you here, Jensen."  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared held Jensen's hand firm in his own as they walked to school. He wasn't sure, but he thought it would be a long time before he would be comfortable enough to let go of Jensen for long periods of time. Not after Jensen's run-in with Justin.  
  
He could feel small tremors run through Jensen as the school building came into view.   
  
"Hey, how are you?" Jared asked, pulling the boy close.   
  
"Justin," Jensen said. "He's bound to have talked to Jake."  
  
"Maybe, probably," Jared said. "But if Jake tries anything, you can punch him again, or maybe it's my turn this time?"  
  
Jensen stared at him for a few long moments before he burst out laughing, a wonderfully free-sounding laugh that lasted until he was clutching his belly and wiping tears from his eyes.   
  
"We could take turns," Jensen giggled. "Maybe invite Chad and the others in too?"  
  
"Invite us to what?" Chad's amused voice rang out.   
  
Jared turned around to see their friends standing at the edge of the school parking lot.   
  
"To kick Jake's ass if he tries something," Jared said with a grin.   
  
Chad looked between Jared and the still-giggling Jensen and then over at their friends.   
  
"Oh, count me in," Chad said.   
  
"I can claw his eyes and pull his hair," Sophia offered happily.   
  
"I can...well, I'm usually not one for violence," Misha said. "But even I would want to be a part of that."  
  
Jared grinned down at Jensen and his boyfriend smiled back. Things were still messed up, but they were slowly getting there.   
  


~*~

  
"Still no word from them?" Jared asked his mother on Friday morning while Jensen was still in the shower.   
  
"No, I dunno, Jared," Sherri sighed. "I was so sure they would come around."  
  
"They might still," Jared said. "Not that I don't love having Jen here, but he should be able to go home."  
  
"I know, sweetie," Sherri said and ruffled his hair. "What are you boys up to after school?"  
  
"Going down to the beach with the others. Oh right, can I borrow your car?" Jared asked, giving her his sweetest smile.   
  
His mother tossed him the keys just as Jensen walked into the kitchen, hair still wet from his shower.   
  
"You can have it all day," Sherri said. "I'm only doing stuff around the house today anyway."  
  
"Jen! We can drive to school, so we don't need to hurry," Jared said with a big smile. "Let's spend the spare time making out?"  
  
Sherri laughed as Jensen turned quite a stunning red colour.   
  


~*~

  
"Jared, I'm not really sure about this," Jensen said, teeth worrying his lower lip.  
  
Jared parked the car and turned around in his seat, looking over at Jensen to see if he was gonna say anything else, but Jensen just sat in silence.  
  
"Jen, it's our friends. This part of the beach is usually empty, it'll only be us."  
  
"I know, I know, but..." Jensen sighed. "They haven't seen me... I don't like people looking at me, I'm too pale to be Californian and I've got these disgusting freckles, all over, and they'll see, and..."  
  
Jensen drifed off into silence, staring out the car window. Like many times before, Jared wanted to hurt the people who had managed to do this to Jensen, to make someone as beautiful and amazing as Jensen have such self esteem issues.   
  
"Jen, you're wonderful. And those freckles that you hate? I love them, each and every one, " Jared said with an almost pleading tone. "I just want to...."  
  
Jensen looked away from the window, focusing his green eyes on Jared as the silence stretched out.   
  
"What?"  
  
"I kinda want to show everyone that you're with me, that you're mine. And I know that makes me sound like a caveman, but..."  
  
"I am," Jensen said. "Yours, I mean."  
  
Jared smiled as Jensen reached over to braid their fingers together. He could see Jensen's worry slowly fade away as they sat in the car and they looked out over the beach, the fragrance of the sea and the dry sand slowly finding its way inside the car.  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
"Hey, the J's are here," Chad said without getting off his spot in the sand.   
  
Misha, on the other hand, practically bounced up and gave a welcoming smile, his open friendliness melting some more of Jensen's tension.   
  
"Guys! Good, you're here!" Misha grinned happily. "Wanna get some sun? Or jump in the water? Chad said sun, but I kinda wanna go swim, you guys wanna swim? I haven't eaten yet, 'cause you know, eating and swimming isn't good. So I behaved, so we can get into the water."  
  
Jensen looked from Misha to each of their friends. Jared's face mirrored his own surprise at the verbal waterfall that was Misha, but Danneel laughed.  
  
"Misha's got a thing for beaches, they turn him into a five-year old," she said.   
  
"Do not!" Misha protested with a pout. "Anyway, I wanna swim, let's get these two hotties undressed!"  
  
Jared shot Jensen a quick, worried glance at that. To his surprise, Jensen felt his last tensions dissipate; he really couldn't feel nervous and scared around the puppy version of Misha that was almost bouncing in front of him.   
  
"Yeah, swimming sounds good," Jensen said, dropping his bag in the sand.  
  
He could feel Jared's eyes on him as he pulled the tee over his head and let it land next to his bag, but he didn't look up; instead he shimmied out of his jeans and stood in just swim trunks. It wasn't until he heard his boyfriend's breath hitch that he looked up and easily spotted the heat in Jared's gaze. To his surprise, and mortification, the others had fallen silent and were looking at him as well.   
  
"Wow," Sophia said a bit weakly.   
  
"Do you have to be gay?" Danneel asked.   
  
"Jay, I hate you," Misha mumbled.   
  
Jensen felt old familiar heat burn his cheeks red as he felt their eyes on him. Jared seemed about to say something, but Chad jumped up and beat him to it.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, Jensen is hot as hell, we know! So is the sun, I need to be in the water." He slung an arm lazily around Jensen's shoulders.   
  
Jensen felt his mouth tug up in a shy smile; he knew what Chad was doing, trying to help him and ease the awkwardness. That knowledge alone was enough to put him at ease again, and he let himself be dragged down to the water's edge. He did hear Misha mumble 'you're so lucky, Jay' somewhere behind him, and he heard Jared's easy 'I know' before Chad splashed him with surprisingly cold water.   
  


~*~

It had been one of the best afternoons Jensen had ever experienced, full of laughter and teasing and Jared. That last piece might be why he loved it so much, because Jared, wet skin glistening in the sun and shorts riding low on his narrow hips, was one of the most mesmerizing sights Jensen had ever seen. Several times he caught himself getting hard just looking at his boyfriend.   
  
"One last dip before we head home?" Jared asked as the sun hung low over the horizon.   
  
Their friends lay dozing on their towels and Jensen followed Jared, only hesitating for a second when the cool water lapped over his bare feet. They walked out until the water came up to their chests and Jensen lay on his back in the water, relishing the illusion of weightlessness while Jared swam around him a few laps.   
  
"I like you wet," Jared said, and that was all the warning Jensen got before Jared pulled him under.   
  
Spluttering, but laughing, Jensen resurfaced and shook his head, spraying Jared with droplets of water from his wet hair.   
  
"You're a bad boyfriend!" Jensen laughed.   
  
"But you love me," Jared answered and pulled Jensen close.   
  
"I really do," Jensen said and put his arms around Jared's neck.   
  
Jared lifted Jensen up, walking the two of them into deep water until only their heads was above the surface. Jensen wrapped his legs around Jared's waist and leaned in to share languid kisses. Jensen didn't know how long they stayed like that, him wrapped around Jared, help up by the water and Jared's hand spread wide over his hips. Then Jared shifted a little and Jensen couldn't stop the soft moan from leaving his lips as he slid down enough to feel Jared's hard cock press up against him. The kisses turned eager, heated, and Jensen was just about to try and change his position to get more friction when a voice called out from the shore.  
  
"Hey lovebirds, we're heading out before you two defile the water."  
  
Jared groaned and pulled his lips away from Jensen, who hid his face against Jared's neck, trying to will his blush away.   
  
"Trust Chad to ruin the moment," Jared mumbled against Jensen's hair before he turned his head and called back. "Thank you Chad, please leave. See you guys Monday."  
  
Misha and the girls waved their goodbyes as Chad flipped them off with a wide grin before they all took their bags and towels and left. When Jared turned back towards him, Jensen returned to kissing him, soft licks into Jared's mouth.  
  
"Jen..." Jared moaned into the kiss.  
  
Jensen didn't answer. Their friends were gone and it was just him and Jared now, and Jensen knew what he wanted. He moved his hips in a small circling motion, grinding their erections together; the combination of cool water and Jared's hot skin seemed to make everything intensify tenfold.  
  
It didn't take long for them to come, deep kisses and roaming hands over wet skin, moaning their pleasure into each other's mouths.  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared was humming softly to himself as he drove home from the beach, Jensen in the seat beside him, a small, happy smile on his lips and the hair around his ears still damp. The afternoon had been perfect, even though Jared had been scared when the others had reacted to Jensen without clothes. Not that Jared could really blame them, Jensen was beautiful, the freckles on his torso brought out by the sun and his lean frame graceful in every movement. And Jensen had...been okay with it, with them looking. Jared didn't think he had ever been prouder of his boyfriend.   
  
He pulled the car around to his own street and slowed down when he saw a car parked on his parents' driveway.   
  
"Jensen," he said.  
  
"Yeah?" Jensen answered and looked up, following Jared's gaze.   
  
"Is that...?"  
  
Jensen turned pale and started to shiver.   
  
"That's my parents' car..."  
  


~*~


	15. Chapter 15

**~Jared~**

  
Jared stared at the car in his driveway; he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed his mother as he reached out to Jensen and held his trembling hand in a tight grip.   
  
"Mom? Why didn't you call?" he said as Sherri answered the phone.   
  
"Oh, you're outside? They arrived forty-five minutes ago, I would say, but I really didn't want to ruin your evening," Sherri said. "Besides, some waiting might do them good. Your father and I have been talking to them quite a bit since they arrived."  
  
"And? What...?"  
  
"I still don't know, sweetie, I'm not sure they really know yet themselves. Just, come in when the both of you are ready."  
  
"Okay. Thanks, Mom."  
  
Jared ended the call and put the phone back in his pocket as he turned to Jensen. His boyfriend's eyes were glued to the car, but his trembles were slowly fading away.  
  
"Think you're ready to go in there?" Jared asked.  
  
"I dunno, Jay," Jensen said with a sigh. "What can they... What if...they don't want me?"  
  
"Jensen..." Jared said, but then he fell silent.  
  
He couldn't lie to his boyfriend and he knew that if he said everything would be all right, he might very well be telling a lie. Instead, he reached out and stroked his fingers through Jensen's soft hair.   
  
"Then you've still got me," he said. "No matter what happens when we go inside, you'll have me."  
  
Jensen smiled, and even though it was small and shaky, it was still a smile. He took a deep breath and gave a little nod.  
  
"Okay Jared, let's go inside."  
  
Jared parked Sherri's car next to Jensen's parents' and they both stepped out, looking up at the house. As they started walking up the path to the front door, Jensen reached out and placed his hand in Jared's; they entered the house, fingers entwined.  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Sherri looked up from her spot on the sofa as Jensen and Jared entered the room, a comforting smile on her lips. But Jensen didn't really see her; his eyes were focused on his parents, who both stood up when they saw him.  
  
Donna's gaze flickered down to where their hands were connected and Jensen's belly felt queasy. Without thinking, he stepped closer to Jared, seeking comfort in his boyfriend's presence.   
  
"Mom. Dad," Jensen said weakly.  
  
"Jensen," Donna said, taking one small step forward.   
  
Jensen couldn't breathe; he stood frozen to the spot, looking at his mother and waiting for her to go on. Jared's hand held his tight as Donna opened her mouth again, but Alan beat her to it.  
  
"Hartley doesn't work for my firm anymore," he said. "And I will do all I can to make sure he never hurts you again."  
  
Jensen's legs gave way under him and he sagged to the floor, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. That was when he realized how terrified he had really been, how sure he had been that his parents would never want to speak to him again.  
  
"What? He...you..."  
  
"We fired him. Days ago."  
  
"But you...you didn't...for one week," Jensen said, hurt clear in his voice. "I waited...and I was so sure that...that.."  
  
"Oh, I know, we should have talked to you sooner," Donna said as she knelt down in front of Jensen. "It's just...Jensen. We don't like your being gay."  
  
Jensen flinched like she had slapped him and he could see Jared glaring at his parents, Sherri looking at Donna with a frown on her face. Jared sat down next to him and wrapped his arms around Jensen, pulling him in close and softly kissing Jensen's temple in the way that always seemed to calm them both and Jensen pushed into the touch.  
  
"No, wait," Alan said as he saw the hurt on Jensen's face. "What we mean is...maybe we don't get it, don't really understand it, but..."  
  
"But that's our problem, not yours," Donna filled in. "And we can deal with it. Maybe someday we can understand it."  
  
"And if not?" Jensen asked shakily.  
  
"And if not, we still respect you. And we still love you, no matter what," Alan said.   
  
"You don't...hate me?"  
  
"Oh Jensen," Donna said, voice breaking. "We could never hate you, and we're so very sorry that we ever made you think we did."  
  
"We had some help," Alan said and looked over to where Jared's parents were standing. "With getting our priorities straight. And family means more than some firm, than some...kid...who thinks he can hurt my son and get away with it."  
  
"We don't know where to go from here, Jensen," Donna said softly. "But if you want to..."  
  
"I can...come home?" Jensen asked.  
  
"Of course, son," Alan said and looked up at Jared. "If you want, if it makes it easier, maybe Jared could stay with us for a few days? I know this will all take time to work out, but...whatever makes you happy, Jensen. We will support you."  
  
The simple words of acceptance were enough to make his tears spill over, but even though a part of him wanted to seek comfort in his mother's arms, Jensen curled into Jared's embrace instead. His parents might be trying again, but both they and Jensen knew that they had a long way to go before they could build up trust again.  
  


~*~

  
"Thanks..." Jensen mumbled as he dropped his bag beside his own bed.  
  
"You know, you don't always have to thank me for being around. It might get tedious, since I'll be around a lot," Jared said as he put his own bag beside Jensen's.  
  
Jensen huffed out a small laugh, trying to not let it show how nervous he was about being back in his own house, but he was pretty sure Jared understood because his boyfriend stretched out on Jensen's bed and motioned for Jensen to join him. There wasn't really anything Jensen needed at that moment other than be close to Jared, so he crawled on top of the bed and lay down with his head on Jared's shoulder, one arm over his chest, hand resting over his heart.  
  
"I think you've got a thing for my heart," Jared said, stroking his fingers through Jensen's hair.  
  
Jensen drew circles with his fingertips over Jared's heart, humming softly under his breath.  
  
"Maybe...but I think you've got a thing for my hair."  
  
"Yeah, your real hair colour is coming back," Jared said softly. "You gonna keep it?"  
  
"Nah," Jensen said, curling closer to Jared. "This is me now."  
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared thought that dinner with Jensen's parents might have been the most awkward thing he had ever been a part of, but at least they were trying and Jared thought that must count for something.  
  
Jensen had been tense the entire evening, and his parents seemed to know better than to force him into a discussion; it had been enough for them all to be together again, to exchange a few sentences here and there. The words they spoke didn't matter as much as the fact that they were speaking.   
  
Jared sighed a little and looked over at Jensen, asleep on the bed next to him, blonde hair tousled and plush pink lips just an inch from Jared's arm. Awkward or not, there was no place Jared would rather be than with Jensen. Still, he had thought that spending the weekend at Jensen's place would be a new level of strange.  
  
He turned around on the bed, pushed Jensen over on his side, and fit his body in behind his boyfriend's, amazed at how well they fit together, two pieces of a puzzle. The warm smell of Jensen's skin lulled him into sleep.   
  


~*~

  
"What are your plans for today, boys?" Donna asked after breakfast. The smile on her lips was a bit strained, but at least it was there.  
  
"Well, I was thinking about taking Jen for some ice cream," Jared said. "We had such a nice time last time we went for ice cream."  
  
He smiled at Jensen, who blushed deeply and stared down at the sink and the breakfast bowl he was cleaning. Donna didn't seem to notice, picking a carton of juice up from the table and returning it to the fridge.  
  
"That sounds lovely," she said. "We were thinking of having barbecue tonight, so be home around seven."  
  
She was almost out the kitchen door before she turned around and looked at Jared.   
  
"Thank you," she said, "for not hating us." Then she was gone.  
  
"Jay," Jensen said. "You can't go saying stuff like that around my mother!"  
  
"What?" Jared smiled widely and wrapped his arms around Jensen from behind to whisper in his ear. "You did like it..."  
  
He was answered with a little gasp from Jensen as his breath brushed over the other boy's skin. Jared smiled and couldn't stop himself from pressing his lip against the spot below Jensen's ear as the gasp turned into a moan.   
  
"Jared," Jensen whined. "You can't...not here..."  
  
"Mmmm, later then." Jared smiled and stepped away. "So, what are we gonna do today?"  
  
"Ice cream?" Jensen said and turned towards Jared with a smile on his lips. "But after that...I just wanna stay home. I...haven't liked being home for a long time. I just wanna be home."  
  


~*~

  
"How's he doing?" Sherri asked.  
  
Jared looked over to where Jensen was standing at the grill, talking to his little sister in tones too low for Jared to hear.  
  
"It's strange, being here," Jared said into his phone as he sat down under a tree. "But I dunno, they're trying and Jensen seems...happier? It's a step in the right direction."  
  
"That's something, I guess," Sherri said. "I still feel like slapping the both of them, but..."  
  
"Oh yeah, Mom, me too," Jared said with a little laugh. "But really, I haven't seen Jensen like this before. Things are tense but he's smiling. I think it just might work out."  
  
"Okay, then go take care of your boy," Sherri said. "And give him a hug from me."  
  
Jared ended the phone call and pushed himself up from the ground just as Alan came out into the backyard, a big bowl of salad in his hands.  
  
"How's the meat looking, son?" he asked.   
  
Jared went over to his boyfriend and pulled him in for a hug, smiling at the silly apron Jensen was wearing to protect his clothes. Only Jensen could make a flowery, lace-covered apron look even a little bit sexy.   
  
"This one is from my Mom," he said with his arms around Jensen; he pressed a quick kiss to Jensen's lips. "That one is from me."  
  
He saw Alan look at them for a second but the man didn't say anything, and as Donna came out from the house, a big tray of cutlery in her hands, she gave them a long look before her lips stretched up in a smile.  
  


~*~

  
"Will you be okay without me here?" Jared asked that evening as they curled up together in bed.  
  
"Mmm," Jensen answered and slipped one hand in under Jared's tee.  
  
"Jen, you know your parents..."  
  
"Jay, they're at the other end of the house," Jensen said with a smile as he pushed a finger below the line of Jared's boxers.  
  
"I remember when you were shy," Jared said and pushed Jensen down on his back.  
  
He could see Jensen blushing below him and he leaned down and kissed Jensen's temple, trailing soft kisses down to the sensitive spot below his ear and smiling at the moan it elicited.  
  
"I like it when you're not shy."  
  
"Don't need to be shy," Jensen breathed out. "Not around you..."  
  
Jared stopped at that, pushing himself up and looking down at Jensen, taking in the pure perfection that was the boy beneath him from his messy blonde hair to his freckled nose, his startlingly green eyes and his sinfully full lips.  
  
"What?" Jensen asked, a small frown creasing his forehead.   
  
The words left Jared's lips before he even thought about them.   
  
"You're pretty."  
  
Jensen's eyes popped wide and for a second Jared thought he had fucked everything up, but then Jensen reached up and buried his fingers in Jared's hair and pulled him down for a deep kiss.   
  
"Thank you," he mumbled against Jared's lips. "That's the first time someone's said that and meant it as a good thing."   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
It surprised Jensen, being able to hear the hated words without his insides clenching up, but from Jared's lips they had sounded right and a warm feeling spread inside him instead.  
  
He surged up into the kiss and licked his way into Jared's mouth as he rolled his hips up, smiling when Jared gasped into his mouth. Jensen didn't even hesitate before he pulled at the hem of Jared's shirt, longing to get to feel more of Jared's skin against his own, and Jared pushed himself off of Jensen long enough for them both to remove what little clothing they had on.   
  
"God...so..." was all Jensen managed to say before Jared pinned him to the bed.  
  
The rest was drowned out as Jensen moaned when Jared closed his lips around one of Jensen's nipples, sucking slowly at the small nub until it hardened. He carefully scraped it with his teeth, causing Jensen to arch up from the bed. Jensen could feel Jared's lips stretch to a smile against his chest before he sucked the other nipple into his mouth as he let his hands slowly tease down Jensen's belly, a soft touch that had Jensen shivering.   
  
"Jay...wanna..." Jensen said before another moan spilled from his lips as blunt nails scraped over his hips.   
  
"What, Jen?" Jared mumbled, trailing soft kisses down Jensen's chest.   
  
"Wanna taste you," Jensen said and he could feel a small blush creeping up his cheeks.   
  
Jared sat up then and looked down at Jensen, eyes almost black and lips slightly parted. Jensen didn't let him think about it; instead he sat up and pushed Jared down on his back, giving his boyfriend the same treatment Jared had given him. Jensen soon realized that Jared might be even more sensitive than he was, because within minutes of Jensen closing his lips around a hard nipple, Jared was a writhing, moaning mess on the bed.   
  
"Jen...Jen...God...love you..." Jared mumbled between gasps and moans.   
  
Jensen started moving down Jared's body, pressing open-mouth kisses and tiny licks down his chest and belly and stopping to suck at the soft skin of his hip. When Jared arched up against him, Jensen pushed him down and kept sucking until he had a metallic taste in his mouth; he smiled and let his tongue trail over the sensitive skin where he put his mark. He looked up at Jared, who had pushed himself up on his elbows to be able to look at Jensen, and without breaking eye contact, he moved so that Jared's hard cock brushed against his lips.   
  
The soft touch was enough for Jared to buck up again, despite Jensen's hold on his hips, and Jensen smiled and stretched out his tongue, licking a line from the tip of Jared's cock and down to the base. Jared groaned and flopped down on his back again; Jensen was a bit sad at losing the eye contact, but when Jared's hands burrowed into his hair, he forgot about it in favour of wrapping his lips around the head of Jared's hard cock and slowly slipping his tongue into the slit.   
  
"Oh fuck, Jen!" Jared gasped and the hands in Jensen's hair took a firmer grip, pushing at the back of his head.   
  
Jensen moaned as his mouth was filled with the salty taste of Jared, the hard smoothness of his skin as the hands in his hair slowly pushed him down until he could feel Jared's cock hitting the back of his throat. He moaned at the sensation and the sound seemed to send vibrations through both their bodies as Jared arched up, pressing deeper into Jensen's mouth.   
  
"Sorry...sorry..." Jared groaned and his hands dropped from Jensen's hair.  
  
Jensen pulled off and gasped for air for a second, but as soon as his breathing returned to normal, he bent down and claimed Jared's cock again.   
  
"God, Jensen, your tongue...your mouth..."  
  
With a moan, Jensen pushed down more, hollowing out his cheeks and sucking hard until Jared's hands were back in his hair, pulling at it as a warning. With a second's hesitation, Jensen pulled back, Jared's cock slipping out of his mouth with an obscene pop. Jared stared down him, hips still bucking up weakly and his cock shining with spit. Jared's hand was already moving towards it to finish the job but Jensen batted it away.   
  
"No..." he purred softly.  
  
"Wha...what?" Jared gasped. "Jen...I need to..."  
  
"No," Jensen repeated with a smile. "Not like that."  
  
He reached under the pillow to pull out a small bottle of lube and a condom. Jared's eyes went wide at the sight, his breathing turning even rougher as his cock twitched. Without taking his eyes off his boyfriend, Jensen pushed himself up until he sat straddling Jared's thighs, their cocks mere inches apart. He slicked two fingers up and reached back to finger himself. If it was possible, Jared's eyes went even wider.   
  
"Oh my...Jensen...fuck, so hot..."  
  
Jensen whimpered as he pushed two fingers inside himself, body shivering and hips snapping forward enough for their cocks to drag against each other and make both boys hiss at the sudden friction. Slowly, he flexed his fingers, stretching himself open, Jared's eyes riveted on him all the time. When he pushed a third finger in, he couldn't stop himself from grinding down hard against Jared's cock and for a second, he thought the dual sensation might push him over the edge, but he managed to hold it back.  
  
"You...please Jen...please!" Jared said, voice deeper and rougher than Jensen had ever heard before.  
  
One last push of his fingers brushed the tips against his prostate and caused him to snap his hips; he pulled his fingers out and reached for the condom, ripping the small wrapper open. With shaking hands, he slid the condom onto his boyfriend and added some lube before he pushed himself up, aligning himself on top of Jared.  
  
His eyes locked with Jared's again and with a small smile, Jensen started pushing down, a keening moan spilling from his lips as he felt the cock spread him open. Then Jared's hands moved from where they had been clutching at the sheet and landed on Jensen's hips, fingertips digging in enough that he was sure he would have bruises; that only made it even better, and without hesitation, he pushed down hard, making Jared bottom out inside of him, a wave of pain and pleasure crashing over him.   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared had not been prepared for the sudden motion as Jensen pushed himself down on Jared, and the intense pleasure made his fingernails cut half moon-shaped marks into Jensen's skin.  
  
"Oh fuck," Jensen mumbled.  
  
He was so hot and tight around Jared, muscles cramping around him in an effort to get used to the sudden intrusion, and Jared had to use all his self control to stay still, to let Jensen adjust. Jensen's chest heaved with ragged breaths and his hands stroked over Jared's chest; he could feel the small twitches running through the other boy's body.  
  
And then, with a small nod, Jensen started moving, pushing himself up until only the head of Jared's cock was left inside him. He stayed like that for a few agonizingly long seconds before he slid back down. Jared gasped as pleasure washed over him and he couldn't take his eyes off Jensen, who had thrown his head back, neck stretched back in a graceful curve. He slowly started moving his hips in a lazy circle as he rode Jared.  
  
It was almost too much, the amazingly tight heat of Jensen's ass around him and the perfect image of Jensen slowly moving up and down above him, pleasure clear on his face as he angled himself to make Jared press against his prostate on every slide inside.  
  
"Jared...oh..." Jensen moaned, plush lips parted and still red and puffy from the blowjob.   
  
Jared reached up, curled one big hand around Jensen's neck, and pulled him down to crush their mouths together, moaning as the new angle made new sensations surge through his body. As he licked into Jensen's mouth, he could still taste his own pre-come. The taste combined with the sweetness that was purely Jensen shot pure want to his cock, and he had to admit that he wouldn't be lasting long—not the way Jensen was riding him, the sinful movement of hips, and that wonderful tongue working miracles with his own.   
  
He pushed one hand between their bodies, curling his fingers around Jensen's hard cock, and was rewarded with a gasp as Jensen's movement picked up speed and he pushed himself down on Jared and into his stroking hand. They weren't kissing anymore, just breathing against each other's mouths as the pleasure pulled moans and gasps from their lips. With one last push of his hips, Jensen clamped down on him hard and Jared felt hot come cover his fingers and paint both their bellies. The extra tightness was enough to make him come, arching up into Jensen until they were both spent; Jensen collapsed on top of him, breathing hot puffs of air against his neck.   
  
"Love you, love you so much," he heard Jensen mumble drowsily, lips tickling his still-tingling skin.   
  
"Love you too, Jen," Jared answered, and wrapped his arms around Jensen.  
  


~*~

  
On Monday morning, Jared was waiting for Jensen halfway to school and when he saw Jensen coming, he was amazed; there seemed to be a new energy about him, his hair turned golden in the sun and his eyes sparkling as he walked straight into Jared's arms and wrapped his arms around Jared's neck.   
  
"Mmmm, who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?" Jared asked smilingly and pressed a kiss to Jensen's lips.   
  
"I'm just, in a really good mood." Jensen grinned and took a step back. "My mom made me pancakes for breakfast. It's all a bit surreal, but..."  
  
"But nice?" Jared grinned.  
  
"Seriously?" Jensen laughed. "I mean, seriously seriously? You're quoting Notting Hill?"  
  
Jared grinned and took Jensen's hand in his as they walked to school.   
  
"Notting Hill," Jensen muttered.  
  
"Hey, I'm gay, I'm allowed to love rom coms!" Jared protested and Jensen smiled.   
  
"It's only okay because I know you also love movies where people die bloody deaths," he said with a nod.   
  
"Can't we combine them? Romantic bloody deaths?"  
  
"You...are sick."  
  
Jared laughed and they walked the rest of the way happily discussing movies and trading silly quotes with each other until they were at the steps up to the main entrance. Chad and Misha were sitting on the bottom step and waving at them.   
  
"Hey J's," Chad said.   
  
Misha seemed to be about to speak when he froze and looked at something behind them.   
  
"Oh fucking hell," Chad said, standing up.   
  
Jared spun around and for some reason he wasn't even surprised to see Tom, Justin, and Jake standing at the edge of the parking lot; bad things always seemed to happen on good days. But there was something different from the last time, because Tom and Justin weren't curled around each other; in fact, they were standing with Jake in between them. Jared looked down at Jensen, expecting to see his boyfriend pale and trembling, but instead Jensen stood with his back straight, eyes firmly fixed on his tormentors.   
  
"You piece of shit," Justin growled. He took a step forward. "What the hell did you do?"  
  
Jensen's hand squeezed his, hard, but the boy stood his ground and his usually soft green eyes turned hard as emeralds.   
  
"Didn't like getting fired?" Jared asked before Jensen could speak.   
  
"Fuck you, fuck you both!" Justin spat. "This...was not supposed to happen. You can't fucking do this to me, Jenny."  
  
"The name, is Jensen," Jensen said, voice deadly calm.  
  
"Justin," Tom said. "This isn't going anywhere."  
  
"Not going anywhere?" Justin said as he turned on him. "I don't fucking care! This—this game has gone too fucking far."  
  
"Game? It's not a game, Justin," Tom snarled. "It's about getting what should be mine!"  
  
Jared saw people gathering around, but to his surprise and relief, most of them seemed to position themselves behind him and Jensen; when he saw Jensen's surprised expression, he knew that his boyfriend had noticed it as well.   
  
"Should be yours?"   
  
Everyone turned to look at Chad, who stared at Tom and Justin with disgust written on his face.  
  
"How fucking pathetic can you get? Are you seriously telling me that you're coming back to this school over and over because that's the only place you can get laid, or what? Give it a rest already."  
  
"Shut up!" Tom almost shouted and Jake stepped up to put a hand on his arm.   
  
"Oh Jake," Misha said, standing beside Chad. "You're really that desperate to get with Tom? I'm with Chad, you guys really are pathetic."  
  
Some snorts of laughter rang out around them and Tom turned pale, eyes darting from Misha to Jensen, then over to Justin, and his mouth fell open.  
  
"I think what Misha is trying to say," Chad went on. "Is...how about you two leave Jensen the hell alone, because really, Tom, this stalking the school thing? Seriously? Can. You. Be. More. Lame?"  
  
He spoke slowly, letting each word sink in.  
  
"You!" Tom snarled and turned to Jensen. "You ruin everything! You should've been easy, but you fucking ruin everything."  
  
"No," Jensen said, a small quiver in his voice but his back still straight. "You know what, I shouldn't have been easy. I turned you down, and I'm proud of it! It's just too bad that you apparently can't take no for an answer without losing it."  
  
Tom was almost fuming as he took a few steps towards Jensen, but both Chad and Misha stepped up between them and he saw several people around them step forward as well.   
  
"Tom," Justin's voice rang out. "You know what? I'm done. With this...with you. With everything. I'm fucking done."  
  
He gave Jensen one last look before he turned and stalked off, leaving a stunned Tom behind.  
  
Jared pulled Jensen close, tucking him in under his arm and pressing the familiar kiss to his temple.   
  
"Yeah, I think we're done here as well," he said, turning Jensen towards the school. "Run along, Tom. I don't think you're welcome here anymore."  
  
And with that, he and Jensen walked into the school, followed by Chad, Misha, and most of the other students.   
  


~*~


	16. Chapter 16

**~Jensen~**

  
Jared was sick, so Jensen was forced to go to school alone; there was no smiling boy waiting for him and no warm hand surrounding his. Jensen wasn't looking forward to it. People had been nicer to him since the scene with Tom and Justin, but Jensen didn't know how much of that was because of Jared's constant presence at his side.  
  
It was time to find out.   
  
He stopped for a moment at the edge of the parking lot, remembering all the times Jake and his gang had caught him there, all the hard and hurtful words. But then another memory swept in and replaced the bad ones: The first time Jared put his arm around Jensen, protecting him. Then followed other memories: him and Jared walking, hand in hand, across the expanse of asphalt; Jensen standing up for himself against Tom and Justin. That memory made him smile and he took one deep breath, straightening his back before he walked towards the school.  
  


~*~

  
"So where's Jay?" Chad asked as Jensen sat down at their usual table at lunch.  
  
"Sick," Jensen answered. "He was all whiny on the phone this morning."  
  
"Aww, did you break him with all the gay sex?" Chad grinned.   
  
Jensen felt a familiar old blush creep up his cheeks, but these were his friends, and he had gotten used to their bickering; he put on his sweetest smile and turned towards Chad.  
  
"Yeah, I'm just that good at blowjobs."  
  
"Jensen!" Danneel protested.  
  
"Too much information," Sophia said, but then she grinned. "Unless you let me watch some day?"  
  
Misha just glared at Jensen and mumbled something that sounded like 'fucking hate Jared.' Sophia sucker punched him on the arm and Jensen laughed, relaxing in his chair as he chewed on a baby carrot.   
  
Then he saw Jake and his friends enter the cafeteria. Jake had kept his distance during he last two weeks, but as he joined the line to get food, his gaze snapped over to Jensen and for a second, Jensen could see pure hatred gleam in Jake's eyes. Jensen shivered slightly under that hard look and as his friends noticed, they turned around to glare at Jake.   
  
"Want me to kick his ass?" Chad offered. "I could totally kick his ass!"  
  
"We could," Misha corrected. "I want in on that action."  
  
"Somewhere, Gandhi is turning in his grave," Danneel said with a laugh.  
  
"Violence is very underrated," Chad said.  
  
Jensen laughed and a warm feeling spread inside him; even without Jared at his side, he was accepted. He had friends who would step up for him if need be. It really didn't matter what the rest of the school thought about him.  
  
"You know what?" he said with a smile. "Just ignore him, he isn't worth it."  
  
"What?" Chad complained. "Dude! So worth it."  
  
Jensen looked over to where Jake was settling down at a table, his back to Jensen and his friends.  
  
"Nah." Jensen shrugged. "Don't lower yourself to his level."  
  
Silence fell over the table for a few minutes until Sophia reached over and ran her hand through Jensen's soft hair.   
  
"I'm proud of you, Jen," she said fondly.   
  


~*~

  
-Be a good bf. Bring ice cream-  
  
Jensen looked down on the text message and rolled his eyes; he opened the next one, also from a very sulky Jared.   
  
-Throat sore. Ice cream + candy needed-  
  
He went through another three texts; they all demanded ice cream, candy, chips, and soda until he opened the last text he had recieved.  
  
-Don't need ice cream. Only you. Love you!-  
  
Smiling, Jensen entered the grocery store to get Jared his stupid ice cream.  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared sat on his bed, a pile of pillows behind his back and a box of Kleenex beside him. He was feeling miserable, and very, very bored. He reached for his phone, pondering whether to send another text to Jensen, but before he could grab it the phone vibrated and announced a new text message. (It was still Donkey's happy voice; he had never gotten around to changing it.) When he flipped the phone open, he smiled when he saw that it was a text from Sandy; he really missed her and hated the fact that his best friend didn't know his boyfriend.   
  
-Jayby one more text about how bad you're feeling and you die! Love Sandy-  
  
Jared pouted a little as he looked at the message. Maybe it was a good thing Sandy didn't know Jensen, considering that Sandy was a mean friend who apparently didn't understand Jared's pain. His pout disappeared as he heard footsteps drawing close to his room; the prospect of company cheered him up.   
  
"Do you want me to get sick, Jay?" Jensen asked as he entered the room. "I mean, why else would you nag me over here?"  
  
A wide smile spread on Jared's face when he saw his boyfriend standing in the doorway, a brown paper bag clutched in his hand.  
  
"Oh, Jen, I would ne..." His assurance was interrupted by coughing.  
  
Jensen was by his side in an instant, his soft hand smoothing over Jared's forehead.  
  
"Hey, how're you feeling?" Jensen asked worriedly as the coughing subsided.   
  
"It's just a stupid cold," Jared sighed. "I always cough for like a week or two after a cold. And my throat hurts."  
  
He pushed his lower lip out in a pout and Jensen looked at him for a moment before rolling his eyes and leaning in for a quick kiss. He held up the bag and placed it in Jared's lap where a cold feeling spread out from what was inside it.  
  
"First of all, I'm going to blame you if I get sick because you use the puppy look to get kisses from me. But here's your ice cream, I brought Ben & Jerry!"  
  
"Mmm," Jared almost purred as he opened the bag. "See, this is why I love you, you take care of me!"  
  
Jensen laughed and climbed up on the bed, fitting himself close to Jared's side as he pulled up two spoons from his pocket. Jared smiled when he recognised them; apparently Jensen had raided the kitchen on his way to Jared's room.  
  
"How was school?" Jared asked as he popped the lid off the ice cream.  
  
"Misha says he hates you," Jensen said, trying to get to the ice cream.   
  
"Hey, my ice cream! I get to taste it first," Jared protested and was just about to dig in when he noticed the flavor. "Jen, why did you buy something that's called Cream Pie?"  
  
Jensen looked at him and rolled his eyes cutely again before he snagged the container and dipped his spoon inside.   
  
"Mind out of the gutter, Jay," he said, putting a big piece of ice cream in his mouth.   
  
"But...yeah, it's still funny!" Jared muttered as he took the ice cream back. "So why does Misha hate me? What did you do now?"  
  
"I only told him I give awesome blowjobs," Jensen said, grinning wide, his lips painted white as his tongue flickered out to lick them clean.   
  
Even with his mind dulled by sickness, Jared felt heat pooling in his belly as he watched at Jensen, but he pushed the thought aside and took some ice cream for himself.  
  
"Why did you tell him that? No wait, I think I know. Was Chad involved?"  
  


~*~

  
Jared was very pleased that his coughing had finally subsided after lingering for days; he was also very pleased that, despite Jensen staying by his side most of the time, the other boy had managed to dodge the cold Jared had been sure he would pass on. He pushed the door to Jensen's place open; he knew that Jensen's parents weren't home and he really wanted to surprise his boyfriend.   
  
At the door to Jensen's room, he stopped to watch the boy sitting cross-legged on his bed. His hair shimmered gold in the sunlight (Jared had helped him dye it the previous evening) and he was gnawing on a pen as he eyed the notebook in his lap. Simply put, he was adorable, and Jared could only stare until Jensen lifted his eyes and saw Jared standing there. His surprise turned into a bright smile within seconds.  
  
"Hey you," Jensen said.  
  
"Hey yourself," Jared answered and walked into the room. "Are you...writing?"  
  
He had never seen Jensen writing before; he was always the one reading. For a second it stung that Jensen hadn't told him about writing, but when Jensen smiled and motioned for him to get over to the bed, the sting dissipated like smoke as Jared went to sit beside his boyfriend.   
  
"I'm...yeah," Jensen said, angling the notebook enough for Jared to be able to read it.  
  
They sat in silence while Jared read; when he looked up at Jensen, he could see nervousness on the smaller boy's face.   
  
"Is it bad? You think it's terrible, don't you?" Jensen sighed and started pulling the book away.  
  
"What? Jen, this is awesome!" Jared grinned wide.   
  
And he wasn't lying; he had only seen a glimpse, but he already knew he needed to beg his boyfriend to let him read more.   
  
"It's us, isn't it? I mean, I only got to see this little bit, but Jen, this is us!"  
  
"Yeah," Jensen said with a blush. "It's us...but the fairytale version, fantasy version. I know, it's lame and..."  
  
"No, it's amazing. How long have you been doing this? Writing? I didn't even know you did."  
  
"Always," Jensen answered as he put the notebook on the bedside table. "I just, never finished anything, really. I wrote here and there, but it never turned into something real. And then you came along."  
  
Jared reached over and pulled Jensen up on his lap; he loved the solid weight of Jensen on top of him. Jensen put his arms around Jared's neck.  
  
"You changed everything, Jared," Jensen said quietly, lips close enough that Jared could feel the warm breath against his skin. "I can write now, really write, and I want to..."  
  
Jared pulled back a bit to look at Jensen, one hand reaching up to comb his fingers through the boy's soft blonde hair.   
  
"Want to what?"  
  
"I want to try and get published," Jensen said with a deep blush. "I know, it's a long shot and...I'm not even close to being finished with the story, but I want to."  
  
"Then do it," Jared said easily. "I have faith in you. I can hold your hand as you send in drafts."  
  
Jensen went still in his arms, breath hitching as he looked down into Jared's eyes, his expression wide-eyed and amazed.   
  
"Even...after high school?" he asked in a whisper.   
  
Jared pressed a soft kiss to his plush, full lips and let his hands slide down to rest on Jensen's hips.   
  
"Of course, Jen. But...I guess we should talk about that. About college and things."  
  
"Uhm, I think I should get off your lap if we're going to have serious discussions, Jay."  
  
Jared laughed and gave Jensen a small kiss before he let his boyfriend crawl off him to sit down on the bed. They sat watching each other for a long moment before Jared pulled Jensen down, stretching them out side by side, facing each other.   
  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
"Do you..." Jensen stopped and closed his eyes before he continued. "Do you want us to go to college...together? Because I do, and I know it's stupid to plan around each other but I got you, and I want to be with you. I need you."  
  
The words stumbled past his lips and he didn't dare to open his eyes; instead he lay silent and waited for Jared to speak.   
  
"Jen, do you plan to go to college around here?" Jared asked softly.   
  
It wasn't a yes, but it wasn't a no; part of Jensen wanted to open his eyes, demand an answer, but instead he kept them closed.  
  
"No, I need to get away. I need someplace new. A place where I'm not 'Jenny' anymore."  
  
He felt Jared's lips against his, a soft touch, barely-there pressure, and then warm breath against his face as Jared spoke.  
  
"Good. So where do you want us to go?"  
  
Jensen's eyes opened and he was met with a blindingly happy smile from Jared before his boyfriend closed the inch of distance between them and kissed him, tongue pushing his lips apart. Jensen moaned into the kiss. He moved his hands up to the soft strands of Jared's hair, clinging tight as the kiss turned heated, sparks of want crackling down his spine.   
  
"I thought we were gonna talk more," Jared mumbled against his lips before his tongue traced Jensen's lower lip.  
  
"Talk...later..."  
  
Jensen pulled Jared's close, suddenly eager to get the taller boy's warm, naked skin under his fingers.   
  
"God, Jen," Jared almost growled, moving his lips down to Jensen's neck. "So damn hot when you're eager like this."  
  
Jensen gasped as Jared's mouth reached the tender skin just below his ear, pulling it in between his teeth and drawing blood to the surface with soft sucks and bites that had Jensen melting in his arms.  
  
"Mmmm, Jared..." he whimpered, rolling his hips to meet Jared's. "Feels so good..."  
  
He could feel Jared's lips stretch into a smile against his skin, his warm tongue sliding down over his collar bone, dipping into the hollow of his throat. Jensen groaned and tipped his head back to give Jared better access. His hands had managed to find their way in under Jared's shirt but it wasn't enough, not close to enough, and he tried to pull it off only to hear Jared chuckle softly.  
  
"I think it would be easier to get me undressed if we weren't lying down," Jared said. He pushed himself up into sitting position.  
  
Jensen sighed when the movement broke his contact with Jared's skin, but as his boyfriend reached down to pull off the shirt, he couldn't find it in him to complain about it. Instead he mirrored Jared's motions and tossed his own tee to the floor beside Jared's. That was as long as he could keep his hands off of Jared; he pushed the taller boy down on his back and stretched himself out, almost on top of him.   
  
"Love how your skin feels," Jensen said. He leaned his head down and kissed Jared.  
  
Jared just hummed his approval, a soft, deep sound that reverberated through Jensen's body as Jared's hands slid down and landed on Jensen's hips, pushing their bodies together. Jensen moaned into the kiss as he felt the sweet friction against his already hard cock. Jared rolled his hips up and Jensen gasped, his body jerking as the pleasure multiplied when he felt Jared's cock against his own, denim sliding roughly.  
  
"More, Jared, God, please, more," Jensen breathed out. He reached down, his fingers tugging clumsily at the buttons on Jared's jeans.   
  
Jared kept on kissing him but they both somehow managed to wriggle out of their jeans; by the time he could feel skin against skin, Jensen was trembling with anticipation, but Jared surprised him by pushing him away slightly, changing their positions until he was on his knees next to Jensen.   
  
"Why...what...?" Jensen shook his head, trying to clear the haze of arousal as he pushed up to kneel beside Jared.  
  
With a smile, Jared leaned in and kissed Jensen, his hands landing on his hips, stroking over skin and bone.  
  
"Turn around," he said in a rough voice that shot straight to Jensen's cock.  
  
There was no way Jensen could disobey, not when Jared looked at him like he did, hazel eyes almost black with lust as they took in Jensen's naked appearance. He turned around and the second he had his back to his boyfriend, Jared let one hand drift up from Jensen's hip to curl around his shoulder, pressing forward. Jensen got the hint and bent over, landed on all fours on the bed, hands pushed into the fluffy white pillows. Jared's hand returned to Jensen's hips, palms spread wide as he let them slide over soft skin. Jensen's eyes drifted shut as he focused on the sparks of pleasure eminating from the firm touch.  
  
He felt Jared move behind him, but he was in no way to be prepared for what would happen next; when Jared's warm breath touched his ass, Jensen gasped, his back arching, and before he could react beyond that, he felt a warm tongue slide from the base of his spine down to tightly puckered skin. Jensen had never had anyone touch him like that before and for a second he almost pulled away, but then Jared's tongue circled the rim and Jensen couldn't stop a guttural sound of pleasure from leaving his lips.  
  
"Oh fuck," Jensen gritted out between clenched teeth. "Don't stop..."  
  
Jared didn't seem to have any thoughts of stopping, though, not with the way his tongue kept licking and circling over his hole, slight pressure but never enough to push inside. Each twist and curl had Jensen moaning, pushing back against Jared. Jared's hands moved from his hips to the round curves of his ass and Jensen could feel himself being spread open; with one quick thrust, Jared's warm tongue slid inside Jensen. A sharp cry broke Jensen's attempts to keep silent; the sensation was so new and overwhelming, and he felt his hands fist against the pillow as his whole body jerked at the raw pleasure.  
  
The tip of Jared's tongue pushed in and out of him slowly; when Jared curled his tongue just inside the rim, swirling it around, Jensen was sure he saw stars and he thought he might come just from Jared's tongue inside of him. Jensen's hands opened and closed around the pillows, keening sounds echoing around the room as Jared sealed his lips around the rim and sucked at the tender skin.   
  
"Jared..." Jensen whimpered, rolling his hips back. "Want you..."  
  
One last swirl of his tongue and Jared pushed away; Jensen could feel him, his hard cock pushing against Jensen's ass when Jared bent over to the bedside table and pulled lube and a condom out of the drawer. Jensen barely had time to miss the hot tongue before the sensation of something cold being dripped over his hole made his body spasm; then Jared was pushing two fingers through the lube and into Jensen with a twisting motion.  
  
"Jay, please, now!" Jensen pleaded; he wasn't sure how much more he could take.  
  
Jared removed his slick fingers and Jensen turned his head to see him slide the condom on and add more lube to his cock with firm strokes, a low hiss escaping him as his fingers curled around the head. Jensen watched as Jared lined up his hard cock and looked up and met his gaze, eyes hungry below sweat-damp bangs. With his hands on Jensen's hips, he pushed inside in one slow motion that had Jensen moaning loud, his arms barely holding him up. As he rested his weight on his elbows instead, Jared's cock inside him pushed against his prostate, and Jensen couldn't stop his hips from bucking up to meet the thrust.   
  
  
  
  


 **~Jared~**

  
Jared curled his fingers around Jensen's hips, fingers finding perfect purchase in the hollows there, and he had to bite his lip, breathing slowly to stop himself from coming right away. Jensen looked amazing in front of him; his spine stretched in a graceful arch that made his boyfriend's ass push up in the most delicious way, showing off the soft spatter of freckles on his pale skin, and Jared couldn't take his eyes from the spot where their bodies were connected.   
  
He could see where Jensen was stretched around him, pink rim holding him tight, and Jared loved the hot, velvety feel of Jensen all around him. He meant to stay still, to let Jensen's body adapt to being full, but his boyfriend didn't seem to share those thoughts as Jensen pushed up hard against Jared and then pulled back, riding Jared's cock from below with small breathy moans. When he moved his hips in a lazy circle, Jared couldn't stay still. His fingers dug hard into Jensen's hips, forcing him to keep still as Jared pulled almost all the way out and then slammed back in with one quick thrust of his hips.  
  
The forceful motion almost had Jensen collapsing on his belly and it was only Jared's hands that held him up, pushing him back down on Jared's cock as Jared groaned in pleasure, feeling Jensen go soft and pliant in his hands, surrendering all control.   
  
"God, Jen, feels so perfect," he mumbled.  
  
His hands slid up over Jensen's back, the skin covered with a sheen of sweat; his fingers grabbed Jensen's shoulders and with one quick motion, he pulled Jensen up on his knees, his back flush against Jared's chest. The sudden change of position made Jared's cock slam deep and hard into Jensen as Jared wrapped one arm around the boy's waist to keep him in place.   
  
"Shit! Jared, more, need more, move, oh please please, Jared. Please!"  
  
It turned Jared on even more that he could reduce Jensen to the babbling, trembling mess arching back into him, begging and pleading as Jared slammed into him hard, feeling his orgasm building—too powerful, too quick, but he was unable to stop it. He wrapped one hand around Jensen's cock, fingers sliding into the wetness of pre-come and as he felt his own orgasm rushing down his spine, he twisted his hand around Jensen; within seconds, the boy was crying out his climax, his ass grabbing Jared like a vice as Jensen shook in his arms, covering his hand with come. Feeling Jensen fall apart in his arms, Jared couldn't hold his own orgasm back any longer and he came hard, cock pulsing inside of Jensen. Jensen's tight ass milked every last drop before they both fell down on the bed, sweaty limbs tangled together.   
  


~*~

  
"When do your parents come home?" Jared asked later when they were in the kitchen preparing something to eat.   
  
"Later? Not sure," Jensen said. "They asked me if I wanted to go with them, but..."  
  
"Not quite ready for a day of family fun?" Jared asked with a smile as he peered into the fridge. "Hey, you guys got any lactose-free milk? I could do with some chocolate milk."  
  
"Should be," Jensen said as he dug out a bag of cinnamon buns from the cupboard. "Mom takes to buying it now, since you're here so much."  
  
Jared hid his face behind the fridge door to cover his blush; he loved that Jensen's parents had accepted his presence enough to buy something like that for him. He found the carton and brought it to the table together with a plastic bottle of chocolate sauce.   
  
"So..." he started as they settled down, pouring chocolate sauce into the white milk and watching it blend. "Schools..."  
  
"Yeah," Jensen said, meeting his gaze across the table. "Somewhere that...isn't here."  
  
"So, further away than Stanford?" Jared asked.  
  
He realized he had thought surprisingly little about college; since he had moved to California, Jensen had been occupying his mind most of the time and thoughts of anything further into the future had been pushed into some remote corner of his brain. But there he sat, talking schools with Jensen. Schools they could attend together. It made his mind reel a bit but it also made him giddy with happiness.  
  
"Do you wanna study literature?" Jared wondered aloud. "I mean, I'm still hoping you'll be a famous author, but if not?"  
  
"Yeah," Jensen said with a bright smile. "I dunno, teacher maybe? I really just want to study literature and language forever! That would be awesome!"  
  
Jared laughed at that and his bare food nudged against Jensen's under the table.   
  
"I think that sounds like a great plan. Let's stay in school forever," Jared said with a soft smile. "I mean, school's good; it's the reason I met you."'  
  
"School is great," Jensen said with a blush. "And you, Jay? What do you wanna be when you grow up?"  
  
"I want to help people," Jared said with certainty. "Help people our age, people who need help, people like..."  
  
"People like me," Jensen said quietly. "I think that would be great. That you would be great."  
  
Jared looked down at the multitude of folders and brochures spread between them on the table, too many schools for him to be able to wrap his mind around it all. He reached for one and read the motto printed on it.   
  
"Leges sine moribus vanae."  
  
Jensen looked over to see what he was reading and a small smile spread across his face.   
  
"University of Pennsylvania? Jared, that's the other side of the country. And it's crazy hard to get into."  
  
"Doesn't hurt to apply," Jared said. "And you did want a place that wasn't here. UPenn really isn't here."  
  
Jensen stood up and walked around the table to wrap his arms around Jared from behind, head resting on his shoulder.   
  
"You're crazy, Jay. You want us to move across the country?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
And really, Jared thought to himself, why not? He would be with Jensen, and it would be a fresh start for the both of them. Jensen started laughing and took the brochure in his hand.   
  
"Okay, let's apply. Should we do Harvard and Yale while we're at it?"  
  
The laughter was warm and it sent vibrations through both their bodies as Jared turned to the side to be able to put his arms around Jensen.   
  
"Why not?" he repeated. "Let's be crazy together."  
  
  
  
  


 **~Jensen~**

  
Jensen was still laughing when he heard the doorbell ring; he pressed a quick kiss to Jared's lips before he went to open it. He was thinking of Jared's words when he pulled the door open and found Justin standing outside. He waited for the familiar curl of cold fear in his belly, but it didn't come; instead he stood silently, waiting for Justin to speak.   
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Those were not the words Jensen had expected to hear. Not from Justin, not from any of the people who had made his life a living Hell.   
  
"Excuse me, what?" Jensen asked.   
  
"Jensen, I'm sorry for everything," Justin said. He took a step forward but Jensen held up a hand, prepared to keep him away.   
  
"No, you're not," Jensen said calmly.   
  
"Of course I am!" Justin protested. "I fucked up, Jensen, and I would do anything to make it up to you. Please, can you...give us a second chance?"  
  
Jensen stared at him, open-mouthed; he didn't know if he should cry or laugh at the absurdity of Justin thinking he would ever give in to his pleading.   
  
"There's no 'us' to speak of, Hartley," he said, refusing to speak his ex-boyfriend's name. "What's this about? You think my father will give you your job back if you play nice with me?"  
  
"Jensen, please," Justin tried again, but he didn't contradict Jensen's statement, and that was all the answer Jensen needed.   
  
"No, never," Jensen said, straightening his posture. "And I will never forgive you, you don't deserve to be forgiven." He prepared to close the door.   
  
"We were good together, Jensen," Justin said as something in his brown eyes turned hard, challenging. "You honestly think you could do better than me? You?"  
  
"He already has."  
  
Jensen didn't turn around when he heard Jared's voice behind him, but a smile stretched his lips as he felt Jared's arms slipping around his waist. Without thinking, he leaned back into the embrace, his head against Jared's shoulder and his own hands closing over Jared's where they rested on his belly.  
  
"Him?" Justin spat. "What does he have that I don't?"  
  
Jensen met Justin's eyes and he felt his smile grow wider at the anger breaking through Justin's polished facade.  
  
"Me," Jensen said. He pushed the door shut in Justin's face.   
  
He turned in the circle of Jared's arms and he couldn't stop smiling; Jared himself was smiling just as wide.   
  
"I got you," Jared said softly.  
  
"Yeah, you got me," Jensen said. He pushed up on his tiptoes to kiss Jared.  
  
Jared had him, and he had Jared.   
  
Jensen was happy. 


End file.
